Beyond

Used to be a film critic for Urban Tulsa Weekly. For 11 years, I wrote a column wherein I also talked about movies. It was half rant, half review, usually. It was something I was fairly passionate about. Didn’t pay worth a damn, but …

I added it up once. It came to around a million words about movies.

I bailed on it in 2009. My daughter was one and our weekends needed to be about getting things done and hanging with her, not trying to cram in 8-10 hours of work for what amounted to $6.25/hour.

I miss it. Sorta. I don’t get to see as many movies. I never, it seems, get to see the Oscar contenders anymore. And when we do go, it’s usually the latest blockbuster … which is what brings me here today.

Last weekend, the wife and I (and a couple friends) watched Star Trek Beyond. The one word review is easy: meh.

It’s not that I didn’t like it. I did. I just couldn’t make myself love it. I loved Abrams’ Star Trek. I’m not a trekker. I’m a Star Wars guy.

I won’t bore you with a synopsis. You can read about the plot everywhere else on the internet. The crew of the Enterprise is on its five-year mission to explore new worlds, yada, yada, yada. James T. Kirk (retcon version) is bored. Spock wants to leave. Bad guys show up. Bad things happen. The entire cast gets a story line.

And that’s the problem. In this flick, Kirk’s character arch is of the same weight and screen time as Scotty’s. And Sulu’s. And Spock’s. And Uhura’s. And Bones’s. Admirable, but when you try to do that much in a two-hour movie … they all get shorted. They all come off less than had the story focused on Kirk, for instance. You get less opportunity to get emotionally involved with a narrative.

Because of that, this is your walk-to-the-car-after-the-movie conversation:

“Welp, that was a Star Trek movie.”

“Yup. I reckon it was.”

“That part with the ship was kinda cool. You remember?”

“Nope.”

I actually do remember, I just don’t really give a shit. Sure, it looked great. The cast was charismatic. Love the cast. But … meh.

It’s exactly the same problem I had with Captain America: Civil War. I read all the hype, all the accolades. “Best Marvel Movie Ever.” The hell it was. It could’ve been, but it wasn’t. And you know why? Too damn many characters in it. That whole movie existed just for the airport scene. Would’ve been a much better flick if they’d kept the focus on Cap, Tony & Bucky. Cheaper to make, too.

Don’t get me wrong. I thought Spidey was awesome and I can’t wait to see what Marvel does with his new movie. But Civil War? Was okay. Was definitely not a “OMG I HAVE TO BUY THE BLU-RAY” movie. Both the previous Cap flicks are better.

Sure, it was pretty. It had all the bombast we’ve come to expect from the Marvel flicks. But it crammed too much in there. The first Avengers flick and Guardians were better, more enjoyable films, and I really liked The Winter Soldier. All three of those films walk the line better than Civil War. 

The point I’m poorly trying to make is this: both of the films are bloated with characters, and because of it, they lack emotional content.

I’ve seen the spectacle. Anyone can make films with all manner of digital mayhem. Beautiful vistas are no longer out of the reach of even modestly budgeted films. We’re no longer wowed by just the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. What separates good from great, meh from wow, are good stories and good characters.

It’s always been the case, but we sometimes forget. Star Trek Beyond sure did. And for some reason, I feel like I’m apologizing for expecting more. What the hell. I blame Simon Pegg for this. I trusted you. You were the chosen one.

All this for a movie I liked.

Seeing Jason Bourne Friday. Here’s hoping.