skepticlysm

Author: Skeptifist

  • Raiders of the Lost Years

    Raiders of the Lost Years

    • At this moment, I’m sitting on the couch watching Raiders.
    • Yes, again.
    • Turned it on to give myself something to watch while I injected the antibiotics.
    • My brain runs on Raiders quotes.
    • They pop up all the time while navigating the day-to-day.
    • I wish there were more good Indy movies.
    • Two, maybe three.
    • Though I didn’t hate the latest one.
    • Got me thinking back to that article about rewatching/rereading.
    • Maybe I should make my Revisit List.
    • It’d have to be tiered.
    • Because some get rewatched a lot.
    • 1) Raiders
    • 2) Fellowship of the Ring
    • And then after that …
    • Mission: Impossible flicks
    • The Matrix
    • The Terminator
    • Die Hard (though I only watch that on Xmas Eve)
    • Random Marvel flicks, though Captain America: The Winter Soldier would be the most frequent.
    • I’m actually sitting here plotting an Indy book in my head where he goes after a scepter that would allow cultists to summon Cthulu.
    • Because he’s an expert on the occult.
    • Why all the big things he chases have to be Biblical?
    • Screenplay would be easier.
    • All these people keep trying to find the Indy magic and screwing the pooch.
    • The latest would be Guy Ritchie’s Fountain of Youth, which I didn’t hate, but wasn’t great, either.
    • John’s good. Natalie’s … not?
    • Neither is compelling enough to be an Indiana Jones.
    • Character’s the thing, man.
    • Any movie you love, no matter the epicness of the spectacle, rises to greatness on the richness of its characters.
    • Good dialogue helps, too.
    • “They call him Bellosh.”
    • I know I overshare here.
    • Still a lot I keep back.
    • Like, I’m not talking about toilet paper choices and consequences while you’re on IV antibiotics for going on six weeks …
    • I could.
    • But I won’t.
    • Ain’t nobody got time for that.
    • That scene in Raiders where they have the monkey throw the Nazi salute kills me.
    • Subtle commentary, right?
    • Maybe not so subtle.
    • Depends on how you’re watching.
    • This list is a ridealong I guess.
    • I do wonder how the fight scenes would’ve been choreographed today.
    • Those haymakers Indy throws you can see coming from a mile away.
    • Then again, professors didn’t study kung fu in the ‘40s I imagine.
    • “You can’t do this to me! I’m an American.”
    • Yeah, that didn’t age well.
    • Would it be safe as an American to sit at a table in Cairo and down a bottle of whiskey?
    • That scene where Indy and Belloq bandy insults in the bar, Indy slightly out of focus in the fore of the frame, the Frenchmen talking in focus in the back.
    • That kind of shot does not show in modern flicks, like modern filmmakers don’t know how to compose a shot.
    • And there I go again, tripping into movie criticism.
    • I’ll stop.
    • With that anyway.
    • Another confession: I have my “computer glasses” on because I’m typing this and have the movie playing, so everything on the screen looks fuzzy.
    • Are they “readers?”
    • Kinda.
    • I don’t wear glasses when I read something, but I have to have them when I’m on the computer, and definitely for anything in the distance.
    • I tried that progressive stuff a few years ago, but I move my eyes too much without turning my head, so I didn’t like them.
    • Multiple glasses to see sucks.
    • Toting them around.
    • Having to get up after I’ve sat down because I have the wrong damn pair.
    • I’m not ashamed.
    • Indy has glasses, after all.
    • My favorite bit of music from Raiders is the bit in the Map Room.
    • Epic and haunting.
    • Williams has a ton of those moments in his catalogue.
    • My second favorite would be the track during the asteroid escape sequence in The Empire Strikes Back.
    • Music can elevate a movie to another level.
    • Do not ever discount the emotional impact of great music.
    • I had a plan to write about bodies of water today.
    • Not gonna happen.
    • We’ll save it for tomorrow for after the MRI and the valium.
    • (Because I can’t do an MRI without being chemically relaxed.)
    • (I’d rather sleep through the whole thing.)
    • Don’t get me wrong, the Ark leitmotif hits me the same way as the Map Room bit.
    • So good.
    • No, I do not know how much of this is nostalgia, familiar comfort engrained in my being at this point.
    • I’m sure I give this movie too much credit.
    • I dgaf.
    • I shall not recant.
    • Also, thank you John Williams for everything.
    • Why Raiders today, on my 24th anniversary?
    • Because I woke up with “I don’t know. I’m making this up as I go” playing in my head.
    • That quote shows up daily.
    • Because it’s true.
    • Every moment of every day.
    • I know every line of dialogue by heart.
    • “Unless you are able to give me something to placate them.”
    • Well.
    • We’re probably at the outer limit of Mikey’s attention span, so we’ll stop here.
    • “I told you it would be alright!”
    • Out.
  • Knowing is Half the Battle

    Knowing is Half the Battle

    • You ever seen Tag?
    • The one with Jeremy Renner and John Hamm where the group of friends has been playing the same game of tag since they were kids?
    • It’s one of the Teenager’s favorite movies.
    • We had to buy it on Prime Video and at some point, I’ll probably have to get the blu-ray.
    • It’s a rewatcher.
    • Today, she’s using Jay as an excuse to rewatch.
    • He’s in town entertaining me during the convalescence.
    • And conveniently he has never seen Tag.
    • Funny movie.
    • I don’t collect comedies or anything.
    • This might be the only one we own.
    • Because, you know, I hate laughing.
    • Or something.
    • Pretty cool to have friends who’ll take time to come check on you, you know?
    • May you all have such people in your lives.
    • But for real, a 30-year game of tag seems like something my crew would do.
    • We didn’t.
    • But we could have …
    • When we go to Hideaway Pizza, I usually get one of three pizzas:
    • 1) Pepperoni (or Pepperpolooza) (however the hell it’s spelled)
    • 2) Supreme (but without fungus or olives)
    • 3) The Boz
    • Now, as a double-degree holder from OSU, it rankles me to like anything named after someone who played at OU, and in particular that guy.
    • But it’s damn good.
    • Sausage, pepperoni, bacon, onions, red peppers, jalapenos … it’s delicious.
    • Obviously, I’m probably leaving something out.
    • Craptacular memory, remember?
    • But I typically get the homestyle crust at Hideaway, which is odd because I’m a thin crust guy.
    • I don’t know why I don’t do thin at Hideaway.
    • I attribute it to eating at the original location in Stillwater all those years.
    • I’m not sure they even offered thin crust.
    • Fried cheese, yes.
    • Because that sauce … so good.
    • Kaia always gets the kid pizza (sausage, sans sauce; who does that?), and it’s a thin crust.
    • I always eat her leftover crust, and honestly, it’s better.
    • I don’t know what I’ve been thinking.
    • I mentioned this to Mark (brother-in-law), and he did field testing because he is also a fan of the Boz.
    • Suspicions have been confirmed: it’s better on thin.
    • I trust his taste. We’re in lockstep 95 percent of the time.
    • Now I know.
    • And knowing is half the battle.
    • G.I. JOOOOOOOOEEEEEE.
    • Hasbro has this whole department dedicated to remaking all the cool G.I. Joe toys from our youth and then selling them at a premium.
    • I’m on the email list.
    • I see them.
    • And the temptation is there.
    • I don’t.
    • Obviously.
    • But what the hell, man?
    • They’re aimed squarely at us GenX kids who grew up hunting each other with toy guns in the woods and playing with all the G.I. Joe stuff.
    • Toys … for adults.
    • Not unlike what Lego does, really.
    • I’m sure there are firms with terabytes of data on consumers and what kinds of things appeal to everyone of every demographic.
    • GenX kids are eternally … kids.
    • Part of me still wants some of that stuff.
    • Don’t need it, but the want is there.
    • When Steph gave me Kali lessons for my 37th birthday, I attended my first lesson and the whole time I stood there wide-eyed thinking, “I can actually learn all this ninja weapons stuff?”
    • Felt like a little kid all over again.
    • And then I did learn all those ninja skills.
    • Part of me is eternally 12, is what I’m saying.
    • Before I got into comics proper, Snake Eyes held the spot for my favorite character.
    • Basically a mute, ninja commando.
    • The second version of his action figure ran in limited amounts.
    • I did not know they did that kind of thing, back in the day.
    • Now, it’s a typical marketing tactic.
    • False limited availability.
    • I’d beg mom to take me to Toys R Us to look for him.
    • While there, I’d dig through every figure on the rack.
    • About the fifth or sixth time, I found him.
    • I think I literally yelled, “I found him!”
    • He came with a sword and a wolf.
    • Rad.
    • My friend Francis had joined us on that trip.
    • We found one for him, too.
    • The only two in the whole store.
    • Yahtzee!
    • I wrote part of a list yesterday, in the evening, but I did not end up liking a lot of it
    • Missed a day.
    • Hate missing a day in a routine.
    • What’s all that stuff about establishing a habit?
    • 21 days?
    • I dunno.
    • All about your …
    • I’m literally not paying attention to what I’m doing.
    • Watching a movie.
    • Mentally floating.
    • And miles to go before I sleep.
    • Today’s earworm, Anthrax’s cover of “Antisocial.”
    • The band who wrote it, Trust, was French if I’m remembering correctly.
    • No, I didn’t google any of that.
    • The AI search bot would probably have lied about it anyway.
    • Lies!
    • All Lies!
    • Ah, well, they can’t all be homeruns, right?
    • I’ll see you over the weekend, probably.

  • Things That Should Not Be

    Things That Should Not Be

    • Over on the Discord, I go by Drost.
    • Because that’s my gamertag.
    • I’ve had it since 2004.
    • All the guys in my video game clan call me that.
    • I’ll answer to it as readily as my birth name.
    • Yell it across a room, I’ll stop and turn my head.
    • I’ve been thinking about new ones, because you never know when the need will arise.
    • I’m still adapting to this giant pale scar on my head.
    • Gotta embrace it, right?
    • I can’t run around feeling all Wizard of Oz.
    • No one gets to see the Wizard.
    • Hell, I can’t see it.
    • Anyway.
    • Naming things is hard.
    • As a writer, naming things is harder than describing things.
    • Coming up with unique online handles is even harder.
    • Millions of people out there.
    • Yeah, there are those jokers who’re fine with like A-Hole69 or whatever.
    • I can’t abide that.
    • There’ve been more.
    • I can’t remember because I’m old and they did not stick.
    • Drost is the only one I’ll answer to.
    • But anyway.
    • Yesterday, I conjured a couple new ones.
    • The first was … Scarpico.
    • Steph didn’t like that one.
    • Jones and I were texting about names because he came across some dude with the last name of Drost.
    • I told him about Scarpico.
    • He mildly chuckled. Textually.
    • Then I hit him with …
    • Scarsguard.
    • I may have to find a place to use it.
    • Cause it makes me laugh.
    • I hear that pirate skit from SNL in my head.
    • Might make that my pen name when I publish.
    • Victor Scarsguard.
    • Arrrrrrrrr.
    • Embrace it, or it rules you.
    • Edit from yesterday …
    • Mojitos, not Mai Tais.
    • Six mojitos.
    • And then an afternoon nap.
    • Drink responsibly.
    • Speaking of that … we’re inching closer to Old Fashioned day.
    • I have finished the one antibiotic they said would produce the most epically awful hangover in existence.
    • The pharmacist at the Mayo said almost those exact words.
    • I listen to my doctors.
    • I try to do all the things they tell me.
    • I’m not an everyday drinker even when I can.
    • Maybe one or two a week?
    • I mean, it’s thematic here on the Black List because I can’t have it, you know?
    • That’s why diets fail.
    • The temptation of you can’t have it at all creates wanting.
    • The existence of a thing demands its use.
    • “The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.” – Homer
    • Soon.
    • I had that bit in there about movies yesterday, so I feel today requires a bit of an admission.
    • Or an explanation.
    • I do not care about anyone else’s opinion about a movie.
    • I wrote as a film critic for 11 years.
    • More than a million words.
    • I’ve taken screen writing classes (and gotten A’s).
    • I took documentary classes.
    • I studied the medium.
    • I have a minor in creative writing, so I understand story and character and tone and plot.
    • I wrote my bloody master’s thesis on film critics.
    • I do not seek out movie reviews, not in print, not in real life, not from anyone or anywhere.
    • I’ll talk with you about movies, sure.
    • Banter.
    • It sounds arrogant typed out like that.
    • It probably is.
    • I’m not arrogant about a lot, but … movies, man.
    • I’ve put in the work.
    • I’m not aiming at a person, I’m aiming it at all those dumbass pieces of commentary the internet uses to farm revenue from ads.
    • With their stupid click-bait headlines.
    • All about the money.
    • Part of me would like to review movies again … but for the same reasons as above, what’s the worth of my opinion to the world?
    • Why should I tell you what’s good?
    • What you might like?
    • Again, what you like doesn’t have to be good.
    • Your happiness and satisfaction is just that: yours.
    • Like what you like, right?
    • So I guess I’m struggling with not being a hypocrite, right?
    • I want to throw it out there.
    • But …
    • On occasion, I can’t help myself, but now I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything.
    • Take it or leave it.
    • Do with it what you will.
    • Follow no one but yourself.
    • “Some of those who work forces …”
    • Popped in there.
    • Theme song.
    • Walk-out music.
    • Is it really an online journal if you’re imagining talking to someone?
    • The walk-out music thing makes me think of funeral music.
    • Better be something off Master of Puppets.
    • That’s all I’m saying.
    • I’d be happy with “Orion.”
    • But probably “Welcome Home (Sanitarium).”
    • Good gravy I love that album.
    • “The Thing That Should Not Be” is one of the heaviest substances in the universe.
    • If you’ll excuse me, I need to go gently bang my head (so my regrowing skull doesn’t detach itself).
    • “Out from ruins once possessed …”
    • My mind.
    • That’s what we’re talking about.
    • In case you need it ‘splained.
    • Funeral. Play it on a Panasonic boom box.
    • From a cassette.
    • Immortal.
    • In madness I dwellllllll…
    • Out.

  • Monday-Tuesday

    Monday-Tuesday

    • “All I want to do is get high by the beach …”
    • That Lana Del Rey song has lived rent-free in my head for weeks.
    • It’s also all I want from life.
    • Not the high part.
    • Maybe six or so Mai Tais.
    • The “by the beach” part.
    • Yes.
    • That.
    • Lists have skirted this topic for the last month, but here’s the thing.
    • I have had a substantial perspective shift about life because of the surgery and situation.
    • She carved out a mass pushing into my brain.
    • All the labs and whatnot call this a brain tumor.
    • (Not cancerous.)
    • We were all scared of the risks of this, the potential of … death.
    • And though it might’ve been a routine surgery for the surgeon, it sure was not routine for us.
    • Here on the other side …
    • Why would I ever buy into the artificial stress and drama and bullshit about work again?
    • Why would I care?
    • I care more about living a fulfilling life, one of meaning.
    • Because honestly, the past seven months of my life have put all that nonsense to pasture.
    • I can work my ass off, doing great creative work that crushes its objectives and still not get ahead.
    • If you’re not rewarded for your hard work, why should you continue to care?
    • Anyway.
    • Hi.
    • Happy Tuesday!
    • Took the weekend off Listing.
    • I can’t post half of what I just wrote because people from my place of work read this.
    • Sigh.
    • The previous bullets were edited of the more severe thoughts and indictments.
    • But truth, I have “High by the Beach” is currently playing on loop in the Pixel Buds.
    • Good bass.
    • Fits the mood.
    • And they say the best way to rid yourself of an earworm is to listen to the whole song.
    • I’m not really trying to rid myself of it.
    • I dunno how many of you out there can play one song on loop over and over.
    • I know people besides me do it, because I’ve seen the social posts about it.
    • Social’s good for something I suppose.
    • You see that movie thing I posted from the New Yorker?
    • Basically, the dumbing down of movies.
    • It was one of those, “Yes, that!” things when I saw it.
    • Like the latest Mission: Impossible.
    • Dug it, by the way, but the last two episodes of that franchise, they have these scenes where groups of people are talking about the Situation, and the dialogue that should be from one person is delivered in sequence by all the people in the room, like they’re mind-linked.
    • Tears me out of the experience every time.
    • And it’s always fucking exposition.
    • We need to explain this so you understand the gravity of what’s happening.
    • I call that lazy writing.
    • Telling, not showing.
    • Drives me insane.
    • And I liked the movie.
    • Not the best in the series, but it didn’t suck.
    • The plane thing is the same as the helicopter bit with Henry Cavill two movies ago.
    • The underwater sequence is super intense.
    • Tom is crazy.
    • But dammit, I hate obvious exposition.
    • Social media’s made everyone so dumb they have to have everything overexplained because they lack any sort of critical thinking?
    • Hey, sure, let’s continue to defund public education.
    • JFC.
    • Mansplaining has become necessary.
    • Just call it ‘Splaining at this point, because anyone can do it.
    • I’m not.
    • I’m staying Gibsonian about this stuff.
    • Hemingwayish.
    • Imply through showing.
    • If they get it, they get it.
    • If not, well, read better.
    • #SuckLess
    • Still gotta make that a t-shirt.
    • I’ll add it to the list.
    • Yes, I’m going to open an online t-shirt shop.
    • I’m inundated with t-shirts in my social feeds, and most of them, even if they’re clever, look like they’re designed by AI or amateurs.
    • I know good designers.
    • There’s a hole to be filled.
    • There’s potential to crush there.
    • One need only take the chance.
    • Part of the plan.
    • And oh yes, the skullduggery (heh) has forced me to create a plan.
    • I have to write it down, but that’s what I’m spending the next couple of weeks of my convalescence doing.
    • Make the change you want to be or some shit.
    • So easy to write in cliché, btw.
    • I had a Pixel Bud scare today.
    • I dropped the case in the Doc’s office, the pods exploding out and skittering across the floor.
    • When I got back to the car, they wouldn’t come on.
    • Still not after sticking it on the charger.
    • Had to troubleshoot on the Google.
    • They’re now functioning properly, but … F.
    • Brain was running finance scenarios, because I do not have $200 to replace these things at the moment.
    • Between the car and the brain …
    • Oof.
    • Most important devices in my life at the moment:
    • 1) Kindle paperwhite
    • 2) pixel bud pros
    • 3) laptop
    • I’m not sure I can ever do without those three things at this point.
    • Sure, I still have my paper journals, but …
    • Honestly, I’m missing the Heavys a lot at the moment.
    • (Headphones for metalheads. 50 hours of battery life. Eight speakers. Sound soooooo good.)
    • But I can’t really squeeze the skull at the moment.
    • 6-12 weeks for the bones to heal.
    • Clicks sometimes still.
    • Yeah, get some of that.
    • Mikey, ran long again
    • Shrug.
    • Deal with it.
    • Heh.
    • Today’s forecast: patio sitting with a side of trip to the hospital to get the PICC serviced.
    • Don’t let that fool you.
    • It’s going to be a great week.
    • Addendum: Add “The Library at Mount Char” to the Urban Fantasy section of the booklist from the weekend.
    • Out.

  • Book Pushing

    Book Pushing

    Someone on the Discord server asked for fantasy book recs, so I dug through my Kindle and made a list of stuff I enjoyed. The Lies of Locke Lamora is my favorite fantasy novel of the last 20 years, probably. And yeah, I left off a bunch of the gimmies. No Martin, no Sanderson. Lynch is better than both of them. Anyway, stuff I liked. There’re holes, obviously, but it’s a start, right?

    Traditional:

    ·      The Lies of Locke Lamora, Scott Lynch

    ·      The Name of the Wind, Patrick Rothfuss

    ·      Codex Alera (series), Jim Butcher

    ·      The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan

    ·      Red Sister, Mark Lawrence

    ·      Black Company (series), Glen Cook

    ·      Cold Iron, Miles Cameron

    ·      The Emperor’s Blades, Brian Staveley

    ·      Six of Crows, Leigh Bardugo

    ·      Heroes Die, Matthew Stover

    ·      The Belgariad (if you haven’t), David Eddings (don’t read up on Eddings, btw. dude was a sicko.)

    Urban:

    ·      Dresden Files (series; start at book 4 to get you hooked), Jim Butcher

    ·      Ninth House, Leigh Bardugo

    ·      An Unkindness of Magicians, Kat Howard

    ·      Rivers of London (series), Ben Aaronovitch

    ·      Alex Verus series, Benedict Jacka

    ·      Book of Night, Holly Black

    ·      The Rook, Daniel O’Malley

    ·      Last Call, Tim Powers (Tim’s brilliant, btw)

    ·      Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman (dammit, Neil)

    Scholastic (like they go to a magic school):

    ·      A Deadly Education (series), Naomi Novik 

    ·      The Magicians, Lev Grossman

    I dunno what to call these:

    ·      The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern (loved this book, btw)

    ·      The Near Witch, V.E. Schwab

    ·      The Craft Sequence, Max Gladstone

    ·      A Night in Lonesome October, Roger Zelazny (read in October, chapter a day)

    ·      Colors of Magic (series), V.E. Schwab

    LitRPG:

    ·      Dungeon Crawler Carl (series), Matt Dinnamin

    ·      Cradle (series), Will Wight

    “Cozy” fantasy:

    ·      Legends and Lattes, Travis Baldree

    Liked, but didn’t love:

    ·      The Will of the Many, James Islington

  • Pixie Dust

    Pixie Dust

    • The stereo in the Pilot is old.
    • Because the Pilot is like a 2013 or 2012.
    • I can never remember.
    • What I’m saying is it does not do Bluetooth worth a damn, and plugging in my Android phone does nothing.
    • Why the hell would car manufacturers limit connections to one kind of phone?
    • There are more Android phones on earth than iPhones (last I bothered to give af to check), but sure, limit people’s car stereo connections to iPhones.
    • Effing Apple.
    • (As he types on an Apple product …)
    • Because of the tech limits of the Pilot, we listen to the radio a lot.
    • OMG, I hate radio.
    • Hate it.
    • I hate the commercials.
    • I can’t stand the DJs.
    • I can’t stand listening to songs I do not care about.
    • I do not have the patience for it.
    • When I drive the Pilot, I’ve taken to putting in the earbuds and firing up Spotify.
    • In many ways, streaming has been a blessing.
    • I get to listen what I want when I want.
    • No filler.
    • I do, from time to time, listen to Spotify-created playlists.
    • They’re based on my listening habits, after all.
    • Though why it keeps making me listen to Slayer I do not know.
    • Not a fan of Slayer.
    • Most boring of the Big 4.
    • Anyway, radio.
    • It’s always sucked if you want to get down to it.
    • There’s always been a filter to what you got to hear.
    • Some radio exec decided everyone needed to hear this artist and this song with this sound …
    • For the stations, find the song they think will be most popular so more people tune in to hopefully hear that song so the station can make more ad revenue.
    • Which, you know, they did not use to increase DJ pay.
    • You had to get those indie stations where the DJs actually got to choose what music you heard, like Jones used to do in College.
    • Find a DJ you like, whose tastes aligned with yours, you could make radio tolerable.
    • Other than that, fundamentally fucked.
    • Do you ever think about that?
    • How much of your life is steered by the taste of others?
    • The will of others?
    • Of other people knowing better what you need.
    • We’re all used to it, of course.
    • Takes constant vigilance to battle it.
    • Again, the older I get, the fewer opinions I seek.
    • I have people.
    • Would never say I don’t.
    • But that circle shrinks by the day.
    • I’ll find and polish my own.
    • Which brings us to these Lists.
    • Do not take my word for it, ever.
    • I’m just a talking monkey with a keyboard who wishes he could write like Shakespeare.
    • I had no plan today, obviously.
    • I had two notes, really.
    • One was about how I’ve started screen capping stupid shit on social media.
    • Dumb ads.
    • Dumber headlines.
    • Shitty attempts at consumer manipulation.
    • Tired of being manipulated for someone else’s bank account.
    • And now I want to get into politics.
    • Nay!
    • The other note says, “Walk.”
    • Went on one yesterday.
    • And it was challenging.
    • WTAF.
    • A walk!
    • Met with an infectious disease doc this morning.
    • Dude was confident the antibiotics were shrinking the thing, but they can’t take me off the IV stuff until they see it on the MRI.
    • Can’t get the IV out until then.
    • Can’t get released to go to work until the IV is out, which, you know, has its benefits.
    • Earliest appt is not until June 11.
    • Was a good call.
    • But until the IV is out, I can’t do jack except … walk.
    • That’s whining.
    • Imma stop.
    • The other part of the Walk note was … Pantera.
    • Because that’s one of their best songs.
    • Obviously.
    • (Btw, at work, I have my readers trained to do “obviously” in the Alan Rickman Snape voice.)
    • I hope to do that here, too.
    • The radio rant.
    • Unplanned.
    • Sorry for the rant.
    • But then everyone thinks I’m angry all the time anyway.
    • It isn’t true, but there it is.
    • It’s just my face, as I like to say.
    • Not shy about voicing my frustrations, however.
    • What the hell do the rest of you do?
    • Keep that bottled up?
    • Emotional cancer, man.
    • Let it out.
    • Let it flow, let it flow …
    • “Do no harm, but take no shit.”
    • That’s one of my favorites.
    • A driving mantra moving forward.
    • You think I’m angry.
    • If I am, it’s because part of me thinks I take a lot of shit.
    • I. Am. Tired of that.
    • I had an awakening in the aftermath of surgery.
    • Seriously.
    • Different tolerances for bullshit moving forward.
    • I’ll do it with a smile on my face, but … yeah.
    • Advocate for yourself.
    • You get one shot at this.
    • Time’s a-wasting.
    • Enjoy your holiday weekend.
    • …
    • …
    • …
    • And then a thing happened he did not expect.
    • What do I do when the List is too damn long already, but something else came up I  needed to get out of my head?
    • Multiple posts?
    • You really think the algo’s going to show them equally?
    • Came across this cover of “Where is My Mind,” by Ruelle.
    • (Which I shared in the List Discord server music channel.)
    • (I can’t drop a link in the List without the algorithm limiting who sees it.)
    • (The Algo, in my head, is the MCP from the original Tron.)
    • (An antagonist.)
    • (We should all be thinking of our relationships with social media algos as adversarial.)
    • (Because they are.)
    • Anyway.
    • The cover of that song is awesome.
    • Ruelle is pretty awesome, too.
    • Makes me want to go hunt down all the covers of  “Where is My Mind?”
    • We listened to the Ruelle version three or four times this morning.
    • Kaia said she still likes the original best.
    • I don’t disagree.
    • It’s good stuff.
    • First time I ever heard it was at the end of Fight Club.
    • Thank you, David Fincher, for giving me The Pixies.
    • The film that keeps on giving, you know?
    • And the answer to your unasked question … dude’s last name is Walters.
    • Okay, now we’re done.
    • Way out in the water slowly swimming …

  • Fantasy-icism

    Fantasy-icism

    • Actually have a theme for today.
    • Before we get to that, however …
    • “Steph, I need some music on, but I don’t have my earbuds.”
    • Her: “I guess you better get your earbuds then. … Alexa, play Taylor Swift.”
    • Me: glares.
    • Her: laughs.
    • Alexa starts playing Taylor Swift.
    • Me: “Alexa, fucking stop.”
    • Her: more laughter.
    • End scene.
    • GenX hot take: Reels suck.
    • I don’t care what platform they’re on.
    • The ones on Facebook are the worst.
    • Like five seconds of nothing.
    • No narrative value at all.
    • Video of random shit with no purpose.
    • If that is what the younger generations are imbibing, we’re screwed.
    • I’m ready to buy a cabin in the mountains, move, and pound out rants on an IBM Selectric is what I’m saying.
    • JFC.
    • Another reason I hate social media.
    • I have a bag fetish, right?
    • Like backpacks and messenger bags.
    • It’s one of those things I would blow stupid money on.
    • Constant vigilance!
    • There’s this one from Code of Bell I’ve wanted for some time.
    • The thing is $239.
    • I do not have it, obviously.
    • It popped up in the Facebook feed the other day, and I clicked on it just to, you know, gander at it.
    • Virtual window shopping.
    • Suddenly, my feed filled with bags.
    • Waste of life.
    • That’s what social media is.
    • What it’s become.
    • By design.
    • Keep you distracted.
    • Keep us divided.
    • Part you from your money.
    • Rinse. Repeat.
    • Greed pisses me off.
    • F the rich. F the greedy.
    • Okay, there’s the pre-ramble.
    • I said I had a theme.
    • Nerdery.
    • The other day at the grocery store, I had on my Magic and Violence t-shirt.
    • (I can drive, but I’m not getting out a ton, mind you. One errand, come home, pass out.)
    • The girl behind the register said, “That’s the third D&D shirt I’ve seen today.”
    • “Really? Three?”
    • I come from the time of Satanic Panic.
    • We were actually in the den hanging out once when my dad burst in and told me I had to get rid of all my “satanic” D&D books.
    • No, sir. I prefer not to.
    • Did not.
    • Have always been a bit of a hybrid nerd, which I’ve talked about before.
    • The gang was into all the things. Cars. Sports. Video games. Skateboarding. D&D. Comics (some of us). Movies. Music. \m/
    • Wouldn’t be fair to call us “nerds” or “geeks,” necessarily.
    • But … I beat the genre drum often enough around here.
    • Could just be me.
    • I buried it during college because … girls.
    • Being honest.
    • The older I get, the less apologetic about it I am.
    • Fly your freak flag, kids.
    • You can be a nerd about anything.
    • Sports guys … you’re sports nerds.
    • What kind of person knows all those damn stats?
    • Bow up all you want.
    • Nerd.
    • Anyway.
    • Yesterday, I mentioned the rewatching thing.
    • The Fellowship of the Ring gets multiple rewatches a year.
    • We’ve been soaking it in the last week or so in pieces.
    • Not The Two Towers or The Return of the King.
    • Only Fellowship.
    • It made me think of how I got into fantasy in the first place.
    • Yeah, partly because my cousin Jeff gave me my first D&D rules set.
    • For sure that lit the fuse.
    • From there … books.
    • Read a couple Conan books by Robert E. Howard.
    • Then there was Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Weis and Hickman.
    • That book at that time consumed me.
    • I pushed it on all my friends.
    • I still have that copy, the one we traded around.
    • It’s shredded, but alive.
    • (Don’t go try to read it now. That third-person omniscient stuff reads like poop.)
    • That book opens in autumn, obviously, which is a motif in epic Hero’s Journey fantasy stories.
    • I feel like they all start in autumn.
    • The Eye of the World does.
    • I think The Sword of Shanara did as well.
    • And they all have that “normal kid (who’s probably the chosen one) gets recruited by a wizard to go fulfill his destiny” thing.
    • Could happen to you, you know?
    • Swords and Deviltry by Leiber did not, and those were the stories that really grabbed me.
    • The Gray Mouser stands as one of my favorite characters of all time, even now.
    • I don’t think you get Locke and Jean without him and Fafhrd.
    • Like I said, nerding out.
    • I haven’t gotten out of this godforsaken state enough, so I do it with books.
    • I love that autumnal ambiance all the great ones open with.
    • All this is subject to my nostalgia and spotty memory, mind you.
    • No research was involved in the creation of this list.
    • Last night while watching Fellowship, I found myself thinking, “I’m going to paint the Balrog to hang on the wall in my office.”
    • I could do it you know.
    • Probably another form of novel procrastination.
    • I’m out.

    Oh, go check out this from The Oatmeal. It’s about creativity. Read it (again) this morning. So good.

  • Soul Turbulence

    Soul Turbulence

    • And I know why.
    • It’s Dave’s fault.
    • Because of that parking lot picture.
    • And my comment.
    • For the past however many weeks, because of my time traveling brain, obviously, this song keeps popping up.
    • https://open.spotify.com/track/0rRboI6IRuGx56Dq3UdYY4?si=92a337de08f24151
    • Earworms are a hellvua drug.
    • I never listened to the whole song before … now.
    • (That’s another song I can’t link at work.)
    • A lot of rap, mind you.
    • But not that.
    • No, I don’t know why (hey, heyyyyyy).
    • That’s not why we’ve gathered here today.
    • We’re here to talk about Hope.
    • “Do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.”
    • I have an ingrained distrust of hope.
    • My therapist and I could get into the why of that.
    • I don’t like hoping.
    • Because I hate the letdown.
    • Yes, it’s irrational.
    • Dumb, even.
    • But, ah, there it is.
    • Yesterday, I met with a geneticist at the Mayo via video.
    • We talked about my prognosis.
    • She feels the infectious disease crew is on the right path.
    • Based on how I feel at the moment and the pathology and all the things.
    • I feel hopeful for the first time in many moons.
    • Trying not to.
    • You see?
    • Trauma messes with your brains.
    • I had half a list yesterday about mental health.
    • Deleted it.
    • I feel like everyone should have to do mental health check-ups with professionals just like you do with your PCP.
    • The stigma about getting therapy is your problem.
    • Seeking help doesn’t make you weak.
    • Being afraid to makes you kind of a coward, if you ask me.
    • Just my opinion.
    • And you know what I think about those.
    • Anyway.
    • Saw this article the other day about how rewatching and rereading your favorite films and books is a solid mental health coping mechanism.
    • It’s good for you.
    • Duh.
    • Saw another article that said something about how the Metal kids from the ‘80s turned out to be well-adjusted adults.
    • Debatable.
    • But then, why would listening to metal lessen your chances for being well-adjusted?
    • What kind of biased bullshit is that?
    • OMG METAL ROTS YOUR BRAINS!
    • (Throws on Judas Priest’s “Breakin’ the Law.”)
    • You know what probably rots your brains?
    • All that shitty country music about trucks and dogs and broken hearts.
    • You know who doesn’t have a broken heart?
    • My brother Jay.
    • You know why?
    • Today, he gets to retire from teaching and coaching.
    • Give it up for Jay’s Day of Freedom!!
    • (Seriously. Clap in your head or something.)
    • I should’ve saved that for the end.
    • “I dunno. I’m making this up as I go.”
    • I do keep finding myself wanting to rewatch during my convalescence.
    • When I can get my head out of my phone’s ass, anyway.
    • I’d probably rewatch Raiders every other day.
    • You saw that news about Last Crusade hitting theatres again for Father’s Day, right?
    • We snuck out of the last day of school in high school to go watch that.
    • Core memory.
    • I still have not bought my Mission: Impossible tickets yet.
    • I’m not sure why.
    • I’ll do that today.
    • Aaaaaand now you’re watching me type my to-do list.
    • Definitely not why we’re here.
    • Today, I feel terrible.
    • Last night’s sleep sucked, on top of or perhaps because of all the other shit.
    • All I can think about is getting back in shape.
    • I want to move.
    • I want to run and cycle and do yoga and resistance training.
    • I can’t do shit.
    • Only walk.
    • Which is fine, but it’s boring as hell.
    • I can feel my body turning to sludge.
    • I can’t abide anymore.
    • I can’t sit here.
    • Need the skull-fusion to accelerate.
    • That goes for everything, not fitness alone.
    • Passivity is some bullshit.
    • There is turbulence of the soul.
    • One time, my therapist told me I needed to go find a field and scream out all my frustration.
    • Right now, that’d probably blow the seals on my dome.
    • But soon.
    • Soooooon.
    • Today’s list is Facebook journaling.
    • Which means I didn’t have any cultural shit to talk about.
    • I could.
    • There’s a bunch of shit we could get into.
    • I’m trying to keep us out of politics.
    • These lists really are about trying to build connection and community, after all.
    • Seriously.
    • This is the crap I’d be talking to you about if you were sitting on the couch in the living room with me.
    • Obviously, I’d be asking questions.
    • But a list of questions on the internet is data-farming, right?
    • Imma steal all yo passwords.
    • Random skills you want to master: Go!
    • Guitar playing!
    • Lock picking!
    • Podcasting!
    • Home repair!
    • Dude, where’s my car?
    • Officially into the “losing my goddamn mind” stage of recovery.
    • Tired and crazy.
    • Then again …

  • A Fourth of Pulp

    A Fourth of Pulp

    • Should’ve known better.
    • That’s what I’m saying.
    • Should’ve known better.
    • (There I go, repeating myself like bad movie dialogue.)
    • … than to have brought up Fourth Wing.
    • Yes, I called it a “fantasy beach read.”
    • That was not a knock.
    • I’m not a literature reader.
    • I pretty much only tread in genre territory.
    • I don’t want to read modern real-life drama.
    • I don’t want to be bombarded by non-stop five-syllable words, or pages of purple prose.
    • I want to escape.
    • I want to experience things I can’t here.
    • I want to go to the stars and explore big ideas.
    • Or see someone blow shit up with fireballs (of the D&D variety).
    • FFS, my book, the one I’m writing, is a “portal fantasy,” which means they’d classify it in there with Chronicles of Narnia.
    • So.
    • Fourth Wing.
    • Dragons. Blades. Fighting. Steamy sex scenes.
    • What’s not to like, right?
    • In the first book, the characterizations came off to me as a bunch of 16-year-olds who’re all supposed to be 21.
    • I still read it.
    • The story moves well.
    • You get drawn in.
    • And the two books after are better.
    • See?
    • Not knocking it.
    • Why do you read?
    • To get pulled into a good story.
    • Sure, you can separate books in terms of “quality,” I suppose, but at the end of the day, what’s the point?
    • Whether you like a book or not is personal.
    • Subjective.
    • Hell, take The Martian.
    • Helluva story.
    • Simple prose.
    • Loved it either way.
    • Even the metrics are subjective, right?
    • My favorite book series is urban fantasy pulp, for Pete’s sake.
    • (The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher for those playing the home game.)
    • Steph and I went to Hot Springs many years ago on vacation.
    • She bought a couple of books for the trip.
    • One of them was Dead Beat, which is the sixth or seventh book in the Dresden Files.
    • She chose that for herself, btw.
    • I picked it up when she laid it down at some point.
    • Hooked.
    • Two immediate reactions:
    • 1) This is awesome;
    • 2) Why the fuck didn’t I write this? Damn you, Jim Butcher!
    • I’ve since had the guy autograph a copy of that book in person.
    • What I’m saying here is …
    • Who gives a shit if someone does not like something you do?
    • Does someone else’s opinion of a thing take away from your own?
    • Love what you love.
    • That you do is none of their business anyway.
    • The Fourth Wing series is a fun read.
    • Was for me, anyway.
    • Sheesh.
    • And, again, she’s a multi-millionaire best-selling author.
    • I don’t know shit.
    • Where the hell was I?
    • Today is the kid’s last day of her Junior year.
    • Oof.
    • No.
    • I am not prepared.
    • Time is unfair.
    • Love her so much.
    • Being a parent is equal parts boundless joy and boundless terror.
    • I would not have missed it for anything.
    • Speaking of time …
    • Steph mentioned this, but tomorrow is the one-month mark from surgery day.
    • I do not understand how that is possible.
    • I have lost time.
    • Like seriously.
    • Black holes.
    • And I’m still passing out in the afternoons, like someone’s in the braincave flipping the switch to standby.
    • Yeah, I’m getting better, but the fatigue has been the thing.
    • Was not expecting that.
    • Sure, there’s some clicking in the head.
    • I think it’s the jaw.
    • That or there’s something sliding around in there.
    • Tectonic.
    • Heh.
    • Have you guys seen those remixes of the Golden Book covers of our youth?
    • Worth a find on social.
    • Irreverent in the best way.
    • You know, if you have my kind of sense of humor.
    • Last night, I walked into the dining room to do … something.
    • Was nearing bedtime.
    • Lights were out.
    • I looked up because there was a strange light in the corner.
    • I stopped.
    • Looked closer as my eyes adjusted.
    • Steph stood in the corner, back to the room, illuminated by the soft glow of her iPhone.
    • I started.
    • “What the hell. What’re you doing?”
    • She said something about an air freshener.
    • We have one of those Pura things. You can adjust it with your phone.
    • I dunno. I just work here.
    • I said, “Looked all Blair Witch over there. Freaked me out for a minute.”
    • Scary, but smells nice.
    • Four of five stars.
    • High five.
    • Read (and like) whatever the hell you want today.

  • Breach!

    Breach!

    • For the last three weeks, I’ve visited St. Francis’ Infusion Center (or whatever they call it) to have the dressing on the PICC redone.
    • The first two times were pleasant.
    • Had good conversations with my nurses.
    • Got some of that skin-pulling pain as they peeled off the old dressing.
    • Ever notice how some pain feels worse than others?
    • Sharp pain. Acute pain.
    • Sometimes worse than like deep, persistent pain.
    • For a moment.
    • The clinging pain, well … pain don’t hurt.
    • You can get used to anything.
    • It all sucks, but …
    • Anyway.
    • Sitting there, waiting on the nurse dude to start working on my PICC, and there’s a silver-haired lady in the chair next to mine watching some conservative talking jackass blather on about how gun rights and Ted Nugent.
    • Dude literally said Nugent is an unassailable authority on gun rights.
    • Sure.
    • That guy who played guitar and got high is an expert.
    • Gooooo fuck yourself, media guy.
    • And that’s the problem with America.
    • Too much listening to opinions, not enough digesting of actual facts … because people aren’t taught the critical thinking skills to tell the difference.
    • No Heroes.
    • Do not let someone fill in the blanks on your opinions.
    • But also not why we’re here.
    • Shut your shit off in public or put in your headphones.
    •  Much like the biz-bro phone talkers in the airport, the rest of us do not need to listen to your bullshit.
    • Like I said before, we’re in a selfishness pandemic.
    • And the algorithms make it all worse.
    • Goes for me, too.
    • She was probably there getting chemo.
    • Which is way worse than why I was there.
    • I should shut my damn mouth?
    • Fingers?
    • Buy her some ‘phones in case I see her again.
    • Pair them for her.
    • Something.
    • Just another MADNESS MONDAY.
    • Hi, guys.
    • What’s happenin’.
    • All I have today are rants.
    • Like, I have one percolating about “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
    • I’m not doing it today.
    • But soon.
    • One of my guy friends, Phil, sent me a text today.
    • And I might as well just admit things and move along.
    • His text: “Have you read Fourth Wing?”
    • …
    • F.
    • Yes, yes I have.
    • When the first book dropped, I had, no joke, four different people at work tell me I had to read it.
    • All women, but I did not pay attention to that at the time.
    • Four people in one week tell you to read a book, well, you go try it out.
    • It’s a “Romantacy,” which is a genre still kinda in its infancy.
    • Fantasy about fighters who bond with dragons with a whole steamy “romance” in the middle.
    • Prose is eh. Beach-read level.
    • World-building is pretty good.
    • The romance part is … not something you read in books written by dudes.
    • I was like, “wait, this is what the women read? Good lord, this is an instructional manual.”
    • For … intimate relations.
    • Like, how do I have conversations about these books?
    • Am I supposed to feel guilty?
    • (I don’t, btw.)
    • The Anita Blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton tread this territory, too.
    • They became less story and more … Penthouse Forums or Letters or whatever that was called.
    • Which got boring, honestly.
    • Anyway.
    • I find this all interesting.
    • The difference in stories told by women and men.
    • Guys, it would seem we are way more … inhibited … than the women folk.
    • Or lack imagination.
    • Or perhaps fundamentally neglect their needs.
    • Food for thought.
    • Now, see, this is not what I would write about at work.
    • Maybe I shouldn’t here, either, but screw it.
    • I may have mentioned this, but my perspective on the world and my life has been irrevocably altered by the surgery.
    • Do not go gentle, remember?
    • One thing to say it.
    • Type it.
    • Another to live it.
    • Going to have to learn how, to overcome those behavioral habits.
    • If you want to achieve something new, you can’t keep doing it the way you always have.
    • And inertia is a helluva thing to overcome.
    • That works both ways, however.
    • Use it or lose it.
    • …
    • I can’t end with a damn cliché.
    • Last of Us has been good.
    • Billie’s coming to Tulsa.
    • Going.
    • Not even ashamed by that a little.
    • Billie’s a badass.
    • I hope we get to go, anyway.
    • She might be too much of a badass to afford to go.
    • If Spotify paid artists fairly, maybe they wouldn’t have to charge so much for their shows …
    • F.
    • Money doesn’t talk, it sucks.
    • I wish I hadn’t already used the Disrespectre.
    • (It’s right there on my laptop beside the trackpad. Every time I lift my hands I see the ghost flipping me off. Makes me laugh every damn time.)
    • (wickedclothes.com)
    • Feeling scrappy today.
    • Fight your Monday!
    • Once more into the breach!