- And I know why.
- It’s Dave’s fault.
- Because of that parking lot picture.
- And my comment.
- For the past however many weeks, because of my time traveling brain, obviously, this song keeps popping up.
- https://open.spotify.com/track/0rRboI6IRuGx56Dq3UdYY4?si=92a337de08f24151
- Earworms are a hellvua drug.
- I never listened to the whole song before … now.
- (That’s another song I can’t link at work.)
- A lot of rap, mind you.
- But not that.
- No, I don’t know why (hey, heyyyyyy).
- That’s not why we’ve gathered here today.
- We’re here to talk about Hope.
- “Do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.”
- I have an ingrained distrust of hope.
- My therapist and I could get into the why of that.
- I don’t like hoping.
- Because I hate the letdown.
- Yes, it’s irrational.
- Dumb, even.
- But, ah, there it is.
- Yesterday, I met with a geneticist at the Mayo via video.
- We talked about my prognosis.
- She feels the infectious disease crew is on the right path.
- Based on how I feel at the moment and the pathology and all the things.
- I feel hopeful for the first time in many moons.
- Trying not to.
- You see?
- Trauma messes with your brains.
- I had half a list yesterday about mental health.
- Deleted it.
- I feel like everyone should have to do mental health check-ups with professionals just like you do with your PCP.
- The stigma about getting therapy is your problem.
- Seeking help doesn’t make you weak.
- Being afraid to makes you kind of a coward, if you ask me.
- Just my opinion.
- And you know what I think about those.
- Anyway.
- Saw this article the other day about how rewatching and rereading your favorite films and books is a solid mental health coping mechanism.
- It’s good for you.
- Duh.
- Saw another article that said something about how the Metal kids from the ‘80s turned out to be well-adjusted adults.
- Debatable.
- But then, why would listening to metal lessen your chances for being well-adjusted?
- What kind of biased bullshit is that?
- OMG METAL ROTS YOUR BRAINS!
- (Throws on Judas Priest’s “Breakin’ the Law.”)
- You know what probably rots your brains?
- All that shitty country music about trucks and dogs and broken hearts.
- You know who doesn’t have a broken heart?
- My brother Jay.
- You know why?
- Today, he gets to retire from teaching and coaching.
- Give it up for Jay’s Day of Freedom!!
- (Seriously. Clap in your head or something.)
- I should’ve saved that for the end.
- “I dunno. I’m making this up as I go.”
- I do keep finding myself wanting to rewatch during my convalescence.
- When I can get my head out of my phone’s ass, anyway.
- I’d probably rewatch Raiders every other day.
- You saw that news about Last Crusade hitting theatres again for Father’s Day, right?
- We snuck out of the last day of school in high school to go watch that.
- Core memory.
- I still have not bought my Mission: Impossible tickets yet.
- I’m not sure why.
- I’ll do that today.
- Aaaaaand now you’re watching me type my to-do list.
- Definitely not why we’re here.
- Today, I feel terrible.
- Last night’s sleep sucked, on top of or perhaps because of all the other shit.
- All I can think about is getting back in shape.
- I want to move.
- I want to run and cycle and do yoga and resistance training.
- I can’t do shit.
- Only walk.
- Which is fine, but it’s boring as hell.
- I can feel my body turning to sludge.
- I can’t abide anymore.
- I can’t sit here.
- Need the skull-fusion to accelerate.
- That goes for everything, not fitness alone.
- Passivity is some bullshit.
- There is turbulence of the soul.
- One time, my therapist told me I needed to go find a field and scream out all my frustration.
- Right now, that’d probably blow the seals on my dome.
- But soon.
- Soooooon.
- Today’s list is Facebook journaling.
- Which means I didn’t have any cultural shit to talk about.
- I could.
- There’s a bunch of shit we could get into.
- I’m trying to keep us out of politics.
- These lists really are about trying to build connection and community, after all.
- Seriously.
- This is the crap I’d be talking to you about if you were sitting on the couch in the living room with me.
- Obviously, I’d be asking questions.
- But a list of questions on the internet is data-farming, right?
- Imma steal all yo passwords.
- Random skills you want to master: Go!
- Guitar playing!
- Lock picking!
- Podcasting!
- Home repair!
- Dude, where’s my car?
- Officially into the “losing my goddamn mind” stage of recovery.
- Tired and crazy.
- Then again …
-

-

- Should’ve known better.
- That’s what I’m saying.
- Should’ve known better.
- (There I go, repeating myself like bad movie dialogue.)
- … than to have brought up Fourth Wing.
- Yes, I called it a “fantasy beach read.”
- That was not a knock.
- I’m not a literature reader.
- I pretty much only tread in genre territory.
- I don’t want to read modern real-life drama.
- I don’t want to be bombarded by non-stop five-syllable words, or pages of purple prose.
- I want to escape.
- I want to experience things I can’t here.
- I want to go to the stars and explore big ideas.
- Or see someone blow shit up with fireballs (of the D&D variety).
- FFS, my book, the one I’m writing, is a “portal fantasy,” which means they’d classify it in there with Chronicles of Narnia.
- So.
- Fourth Wing.
- Dragons. Blades. Fighting. Steamy sex scenes.
- What’s not to like, right?
- In the first book, the characterizations came off to me as a bunch of 16-year-olds who’re all supposed to be 21.
- I still read it.
- The story moves well.
- You get drawn in.
- And the two books after are better.
- See?
- Not knocking it.
- Why do you read?
- To get pulled into a good story.
- Sure, you can separate books in terms of “quality,” I suppose, but at the end of the day, what’s the point?
- Whether you like a book or not is personal.
- Subjective.
- Hell, take The Martian.
- Helluva story.
- Simple prose.
- Loved it either way.
- Even the metrics are subjective, right?
- My favorite book series is urban fantasy pulp, for Pete’s sake.
- (The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher for those playing the home game.)
- Steph and I went to Hot Springs many years ago on vacation.
- She bought a couple of books for the trip.
- One of them was Dead Beat, which is the sixth or seventh book in the Dresden Files.
- She chose that for herself, btw.
- I picked it up when she laid it down at some point.
- Hooked.
- Two immediate reactions:
- 1) This is awesome;
- 2) Why the fuck didn’t I write this? Damn you, Jim Butcher!
- I’ve since had the guy autograph a copy of that book in person.
- What I’m saying here is …
- Who gives a shit if someone does not like something you do?
- Does someone else’s opinion of a thing take away from your own?
- Love what you love.
- That you do is none of their business anyway.
- The Fourth Wing series is a fun read.
- Was for me, anyway.
- Sheesh.
- And, again, she’s a multi-millionaire best-selling author.
- I don’t know shit.
- Where the hell was I?
- Today is the kid’s last day of her Junior year.
- Oof.
- No.
- I am not prepared.
- Time is unfair.
- Love her so much.
- Being a parent is equal parts boundless joy and boundless terror.
- I would not have missed it for anything.
- Speaking of time …
- Steph mentioned this, but tomorrow is the one-month mark from surgery day.
- I do not understand how that is possible.
- I have lost time.
- Like seriously.
- Black holes.
- And I’m still passing out in the afternoons, like someone’s in the braincave flipping the switch to standby.
- Yeah, I’m getting better, but the fatigue has been the thing.
- Was not expecting that.
- Sure, there’s some clicking in the head.
- I think it’s the jaw.
- That or there’s something sliding around in there.
- Tectonic.
- Heh.
- Have you guys seen those remixes of the Golden Book covers of our youth?
- Worth a find on social.
- Irreverent in the best way.
- You know, if you have my kind of sense of humor.
- Last night, I walked into the dining room to do … something.
- Was nearing bedtime.
- Lights were out.
- I looked up because there was a strange light in the corner.
- I stopped.
- Looked closer as my eyes adjusted.
- Steph stood in the corner, back to the room, illuminated by the soft glow of her iPhone.
- I started.
- “What the hell. What’re you doing?”
- She said something about an air freshener.
- We have one of those Pura things. You can adjust it with your phone.
- I dunno. I just work here.
- I said, “Looked all Blair Witch over there. Freaked me out for a minute.”
- Scary, but smells nice.
- Four of five stars.
- High five.
- Read (and like) whatever the hell you want today.
-

- For the last three weeks, I’ve visited St. Francis’ Infusion Center (or whatever they call it) to have the dressing on the PICC redone.
- The first two times were pleasant.
- Had good conversations with my nurses.
- Got some of that skin-pulling pain as they peeled off the old dressing.
- Ever notice how some pain feels worse than others?
- Sharp pain. Acute pain.
- Sometimes worse than like deep, persistent pain.
- For a moment.
- The clinging pain, well … pain don’t hurt.
- You can get used to anything.
- It all sucks, but …
- Anyway.
- Sitting there, waiting on the nurse dude to start working on my PICC, and there’s a silver-haired lady in the chair next to mine watching some conservative talking jackass blather on about how gun rights and Ted Nugent.
- Dude literally said Nugent is an unassailable authority on gun rights.
- Sure.
- That guy who played guitar and got high is an expert.
- Gooooo fuck yourself, media guy.
- And that’s the problem with America.
- Too much listening to opinions, not enough digesting of actual facts … because people aren’t taught the critical thinking skills to tell the difference.
- No Heroes.
- Do not let someone fill in the blanks on your opinions.
- But also not why we’re here.
- Shut your shit off in public or put in your headphones.
- Much like the biz-bro phone talkers in the airport, the rest of us do not need to listen to your bullshit.
- Like I said before, we’re in a selfishness pandemic.
- And the algorithms make it all worse.
- Goes for me, too.
- She was probably there getting chemo.
- Which is way worse than why I was there.
- I should shut my damn mouth?
- Fingers?
- Buy her some ‘phones in case I see her again.
- Pair them for her.
- Something.
- Just another MADNESS MONDAY.
- Hi, guys.
- What’s happenin’.
- All I have today are rants.
- Like, I have one percolating about “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
- I’m not doing it today.
- But soon.
- One of my guy friends, Phil, sent me a text today.
- And I might as well just admit things and move along.
- His text: “Have you read Fourth Wing?”
- …
- F.
- Yes, yes I have.
- When the first book dropped, I had, no joke, four different people at work tell me I had to read it.
- All women, but I did not pay attention to that at the time.
- Four people in one week tell you to read a book, well, you go try it out.
- It’s a “Romantacy,” which is a genre still kinda in its infancy.
- Fantasy about fighters who bond with dragons with a whole steamy “romance” in the middle.
- Prose is eh. Beach-read level.
- World-building is pretty good.
- The romance part is … not something you read in books written by dudes.
- I was like, “wait, this is what the women read? Good lord, this is an instructional manual.”
- For … intimate relations.
- Like, how do I have conversations about these books?
- Am I supposed to feel guilty?
- (I don’t, btw.)
- The Anita Blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton tread this territory, too.
- They became less story and more … Penthouse Forums or Letters or whatever that was called.
- Which got boring, honestly.
- Anyway.
- I find this all interesting.
- The difference in stories told by women and men.
- Guys, it would seem we are way more … inhibited … than the women folk.
- Or lack imagination.
- Or perhaps fundamentally neglect their needs.
- Food for thought.
- Now, see, this is not what I would write about at work.
- Maybe I shouldn’t here, either, but screw it.
- I may have mentioned this, but my perspective on the world and my life has been irrevocably altered by the surgery.
- Do not go gentle, remember?
- One thing to say it.
- Type it.
- Another to live it.
- Going to have to learn how, to overcome those behavioral habits.
- If you want to achieve something new, you can’t keep doing it the way you always have.
- And inertia is a helluva thing to overcome.
- That works both ways, however.
- Use it or lose it.
- …
- I can’t end with a damn cliché.
- Last of Us has been good.
- Billie’s coming to Tulsa.
- Going.
- Not even ashamed by that a little.
- Billie’s a badass.
- I hope we get to go, anyway.
- She might be too much of a badass to afford to go.
- If Spotify paid artists fairly, maybe they wouldn’t have to charge so much for their shows …
- F.
- Money doesn’t talk, it sucks.
- I wish I hadn’t already used the Disrespectre.
- (It’s right there on my laptop beside the trackpad. Every time I lift my hands I see the ghost flipping me off. Makes me laugh every damn time.)
- (wickedclothes.com)
- Feeling scrappy today.
- Fight your Monday!
- Once more into the breach!
-

- Order!
- Have some housekeeping this morning.
- Corrections, more like.
- First, it was a ’70-and-a-half Camaro, not a ’71.
- Second, I left out a ’69 Impala, “The Whale.”
- Ahem.
- We’re here today because I ended up making a list in my journal with an ink pen this morning while I drank my coffee.
- Unintended. Unavoidable.
- I’ve been writing Thank You cards this week.
- You people have blown my mind.
- Joyce, thank you for the quilt.
- I’m going to keep dropping in minor Brain updates.
- You’ll get tired of it.
- But here’s the thing.
- The crazy surgery with the crazy scar?
- It was a biopsy.
- Yeah, they removed some of the mass, but there’s still a lot in there.
- It’s wrapped around my optical nerve, my jugular vein.
- It’s in my sinus cavity.
- They can’t just go in and scoop it all out.
- They have it narrowed down to two things, and it’s a chicken-and-egg situation.
- There’s a pathogen in there that infects a cell and then coats it in slow growing fibrous tissue.
- Then there’s the immune system response, which includes massive inflammation, which is where all the pain has come from.
- They have to tackle both of these things.
- The crazy antibiotics I’m on (two, btw) attack the pathogen.
- There’s an immune-suppressant treatment coming for the other, which I assume is infusions.
- We have done all these Mayo trips to get to the treatment part, to rule out cancer.
- To have a path.
- We’re on the path.
- Imma keep on with life because … Do Not Go Gentle.
- And I’ll get back to not talking about it.
- Hardwired.
- But when it pops up, well, the War is ongoing.
- Right now, I’m sitting on the couch with Kaia, Return of the Jedi playing on the TV because I’m waiting on Steph to watch Andor and did not want to waste cycles thinking about what to put on.
- Kaia’s informed me tomorrow is “Donut Day.”
- Who am I to argue with that?
- It does mean I have to get my ass up and drive to the donut store at 7 a.m. or we’ll miss out on the good stuff.
- Her order: donut holes and … whatever.
- Used to be glazed and chocolate.
- Now there’s a maple bar thrown in there.
- Maybe a “pink” one.
- The other day, she was craving a cinnamon roll … in the afternoon.
- You can’t just go get a good cinnamon roll any old time.
- And really, there are just two places in Tulsa to get them:
- 1) Blue Moon
- 2) The Savoy
- We keep trying them other places, but …
- Blue Moon, man.
- That’s still my favorite breakfast place in town.
- Not even close.
- Been craving it for months at this point.
- (Awkward segue)
- Cory, what ink pens are you talking about?
- Well, guys, I’m talking about the Everyman Grafton Pen.
- I traipsed around the edge of that whole “everyday carry” man movement.
- Knives, pens, bags … I dunno, it’s weird, but there are multiple subreddits dedicated to it.
- I settled on one knife, and this one pen.
- Because I can refill the pen with a Pilot G-2.
- The Graftons are heavy, but they feel right in my hand.
- You people still write by hand, right?
- Also, you can do the Jason Bourne stuff with the Grafton.
- The year before the Pandemic, we started journaling as a family.
- I realized if I wanted to reread anything I needed to change my handwriting.
- I bailed on cursive in seventh grade and always wrote with this weird hybrid print/cursive thing ever after.
- It sucked.
- So I switched to something closer to architect writing you’d see on a blueprint.
- It’s not that clean, but it’s a helluva lot better than it was.
- I’m weird, man.
- What you want?
- Back in Vollertsen’s creative writing class, he had us get a subscription to Harper’s, and my favorite part of it was the Harper’s Index at the back.
- Which was … an entire List of facts.
- The seeds of my current nonsense were planted in the ‘90s.
- God, the Ewoks suck.
- George got tricked by business.
- Catering to the children.
- Cut all that Ewok shit out of Jedi and you might have something closer to Empire.
- Even as a kid, I did not need militant teddy bears added to my space wizardry.
- In those years, it was all about the ships, the blasters, the lightsabers, and the gd Jedi mindtricks.
- The Force.
- Standing in my bedroom trying to move one of my two action figures with my mind.
- …
- You know you did it.
- Next week, we’re getting into G.I. Joe and Snake Eyes.
- I’ve said this before, but that first season of Stranger Things … that was my junior high crew.
- We could be the Goonies.
- I have enough stories to fill a book.
- I don’t write them because my memory is not the same as everyone else’s, and those are not stories I want to defile.
- My memory is for shit is what I’m saying.
- Still.
- Nostalgia’s trying to inhibit my brain function.
- Or it’s my current coping mechanism.
- Whichever.
- This has gone on long enough.
- It’s one of the last three or four beautiful non-scorching days until Fall.
- Get out there.
- Get off the couch.
- All I’m cleared to do currently is walk, so … I guess I’ll go for a walk in the pockets full of sunshine.
- With a hat.
- So I don’t scare the neighborhood kids.
I got that Ewok pic from a Google Search. Looks like someone’s dog was photoshopped/AI’d into an ewok costume. I do not claim credit for the pic, nor am I making any money from using it. I didn’t want to look that hard for a photo, and that was the path of least resistance. Though I did have to change the file name to jpg. Freaking internet.
-

- Engines.
- Kelli, your observation (wherever it was … Steph’s music post, maybe?) has been bouncing around my brain for weeks.
- OMG I love the sound of a finely-tuned growly motor.
- That deep rumble soothes my soul in a similar but different way as waves crashing onto a beach.
- A rumbly V-8?
- Hells yeah.
- Gender difference?
- Generational difference, too?
- Kids these days aren’t growing up with motors that audibly (and sometimes physically) shake the earth.
- Mark and I went to lunch before the surgery, and I got to ride in his monstrous V-8 1990 Chevy truck.
- Religious experience.
- I miss it so much.
- I would become a lab experiment for the Mayo to own a muscle car again.
- Oh, wait …
- My email has a plethora of newsletters from those dudes who sell raffle tickets to their latest restored muscle car or Porsche or whatever.
- That’s been something I’ve struggled not to get neck deep in.
- “Yes, I want that restored 1968 Chevelle with an entirely upgraded motor and twin turbos.”
- And then I drool on my keyboard for like 15 minutes reading the specs.
- My car can fuck itself.
- Currently.
- And I love that car, but the last three months … gfy, WRX.
- At least back in the V-8 days, I could kinda work on it myself.
- When I open the hood of the Subaru, it’s like, “Yup, that’s a motor. Pretty sure.”
- You know why I love it?
- Three reasons.
- 1) It’s black, tires to roof.
- 2) Six-speed manual transmission.
- 3) It rumbles.
- It isn’t fast, not really.
- But it’ll be with me for a long time now.
- Which is fine.
- I debate teaching Kaia to drive it.
- She hates driving as it is.
- Throw the manual transmission in there …
- She might destroy it.
- And our sanity.
- This one’s definitely a generational thing.
- I knew how to drive by the time I was like … 11.
- I wanted to drive.
- I loved to drive.
- Kaia and a lot of her generation, from what I understand, do not give a F about driving.
- Don’t like it.
- Don’t want to.
- Blaming social media again here.
- Way easier to self-isolate.
- I mean, hell, Pryor and I stole my mom’s station wagon when we were 15-and-a-half, drove to Prattville, got pizza, and drove home.
- (Sorry, Mom!)
- Yes, I drug my feet a little getting my DL.
- But once I did …
- And the gang was all-in on muscle cars.
- I had the ’67 Camaro.
- Mark had an assortment of cars, including a ’69 Camaro that was scary to ride in.
- We (the gang) also had a ‘65 LeMans, a ’71 Camaro, and a Ford Galaxy (60-something; the years are hazy to my mangled brains).
- Rumbles as far as the eye could see.
- (Not the Galaxy; it was the group slow-poke. Looked pretty, though.)
- Loved all those cars.
- If I won the lottery …
- Cars.
- I’d have like four or five.
- Not like Jay Leno or anything.
- Though I’d hate driving them in Tulsa, soooooo.
- Cars and beach vacations.
- And school for the rest of my life.
- And helping people.
- Maybe teaching.
- I have a master’s degree; teaching communications at a community college would be fucking amazing.
- What else you going to do with that thing?
- That’s the plan, lottery or not.
- Except now it would probably be teaching AI prompts, the newest way to mass control group thought!
- We’re living in the sci-fi future, only it lacks style because of corporate profit drive.
- Too many non-creatives steering the ship.
- About that beach vacation …
- (Coming back around again …)
- My beach thing is Steph’s fault.
- (Yeah, hell with it. I’m going with names.)
- I did not really grow up with vacations.
- I always thought they needed to be to a city or Six Flags or something.
- Never would’ve put a beach on the list.
- Now?
- I’d prefer almost only beaches, and ones accessed through all-inclusive resorts.
- Because I want to go sit, sip a drink, listen to the ocean, and fantasize about pirates.
- No, really.
- Though colder beaches are fine, too.
- There’s been nothing calmer in my life, except for a Xanax, than a beach.
- I can’t really put it into words.
- I would live in a shack and sell t-shirts to be on a beach.
- Maybe that’s the actual plan.
- If I had a plan …
- Dreams aren’t plans.
- A chasm exists between the two.
- Any tips on building that bridge are appreciated.
- In one of my group texts this morning, someone posted a picture of a beer … from his vacation in Greece.
- It also featured a phallus-shaped bottle opener, because virility is a thing in Greece?
- Imma pass on the opener, but that beer looked delicious.
- So.
- Drink one for me this weekend, okay?
- If you have more than one, well, that’s on you.
- High five. Let’s move the ball … into a pocket full of sunshine.
-

- Woke up during the 5 o’clock hour this morning.
- As has been the case for about the last 10 days.
- Gross.
- Left the room so as to not wake up the Wife, and also because I had to entertain Ginny, who’s decided food and pets need to be with the sun schedule.
- Obviously.
- Also obviously, I scrolled the phone.
- A clip from NIN’s “The Perfect Drug” video popped up.
- I’d never seen it.
- Frankly, I haven’t really seen many music videos since the ‘90s.
- Trent, that’s some goth weirdness you had going on.
- To be expected, sure.
- Still.
- Now I’m sitting here on the couch injecting myself with my IV antibiotics.
- Well, I was.
- Can’t type and inject at the same time.
- But at the time I was listening to Further Down the Spiral, which is excellent NIN.
- Still am.
- Listening to that.
- But while I was … shooting up, the Wife goes, “Do you feel like a druggie?”
- “Yes. Yes I do. Did you know I’m taking Nine pills every morning?”
- “That sucks.”
- “Yes, yes it do.”
- You know, a PICC IV would make it easier to be a druggie.
- More hygienic.
- Something.
- I guess?
- I have no experience in that arena.
- But the real question … when do I get the damn thing out, and what’s that going to feel like, because they put up a big curtain when they put it in and did not let me watch.
- Not that I wanted to.
- I’ve gotten used to a lot of things, but I still don’t like to watch.
- I used to be horrified of needles.
- This one time, I had to go get a steroid shot in the backside for poison ivy.
- The Wife and nurse thought I was going to pass out.
- Now?
- Now I could write like a Michelin Guide to nurses drawing blood for labs.
- “Required multiple attempts and had to tag out. 3/10.”
- In the hospital three weeks ago, one of the nurses asked me where I wanted a shot.
- I was like, “Yeah, I don’t care.”
- Acclimatization.
- Now playing: NIN, “Eraser (Denial: Realization)”
- One of my favorite remixes of any song ever.
- And then “At the Heart of It All.”
- Again, do I share the Spotify links in the comments?
- Do I hunt it down on Amazon?
- Youtube?
- Do I leave it up to you?
- (We all know how that’ll go.)
- (Heh.)
- Gonna be an Industrial kinda day.
- What I want is for NIN not to score Tron, but to score AppleTV’s Neuromancer.
- Holy shit I cannot wait for that.
- Last year, I reread all of William Gibson’s books.
- He’s like a sci-fi prophet blending of Hemingway and Elmore Leonard.
- Basically that’s who I would want to become if my life had let me write books instead of articles and ad copy.
- (Regret is a helluva drug.)
- Seriously, if you go read the trilogy that started with Neuromancer your brain will melt with all the shit he wrote that’s happening RIGHT NOW in society.
- Considered NOT writing a list today.
- Not because I don’t want to.
- It’s the why of the thing.
- Honestly, I hope these are entertaining.
- That’s the goal here.
- I have to write.
- You need to read something other than memes and propaganda.
- Don’t get me wrong, I could write a whole list about all the bullshit I see.
- I’ve even considered doing it.
- Nothing but headlines of shit, all cut-and-pasted in one place.
- Just to prove how much crap we’re consuming.
- Your brain reads headlines faster than your consciousness does.
- You are imbibing nonsense.
- We all are.
- I’m including myself.
- So that’s my List goal.
- To give your feed something … real?
- I dunno.
- To break the stream of bullshit with … what social media started out hosting in the first place.
- It has become crap, destroyer of brains.
- And hope.
- I should not have to dig to find posts from my friends and family.
- Though if you read some of Zuck’s bullshit statements last week, you can expect 90% of your social posts to be dialogue with AI in the near future.
- What a wonderful world.
- I’m ready, I think, for that house in Norway on the lake that’s only free of snow like three weeks a year.
- If I won one of those $1 billion lotteries, I’d build or buy a village and start a compound.
- (No, there would not be spiked Kool-Aid.)
- You know, like Elon’s dumbass company town without all his stupid horseshit.
- Language!
- (Sorry, kids. You know me. I do the best I can when I’m at work. But I’m not at work currently, soooooo …)
- The other night, coming back up the driveway from taking the trash out, my skull clicked with every step.
- Gnarly.
- I have never had a broken bone.
- (Maybe a toe, but I never went to the doc to confirm.)
- So the skull thing … new to me.
- Clicky clacky.
- No, it has not done it since then.
- But it reminded me bones don’t heal in two or three weeks.
- I guess that’s why I can’t exercise for another … ugh, 3-4 weeks?
- Yeah.
- Oversharing Thursday!
- Out.
- Gotta water some veggies.
- Because of that stupid sunshine.
- Pockets of it.
-

- Watched a bunch of Andor season two yesterday.
- Such a damn pretty show.
- Which got me thinking about the shitshow that is The Wheel of Time.
- I know, I know.
- I’ve been rereading some of it.
- So the discrepancies between the two are … vast.
- More than that, however, you can tell Amazon threw money at WoT, but … it’s all terrible.
- The writing is bad.
- The characters have been made two-dimensional.
- It looks like it was shot by amateurs.
- I finished season three of The White Lotus, and that is the most beautiful show I have ever seen.
- Andor is also beautiful.
- They both look like they were made by film professionals, not streaming-TV crews.
- Like, did no one tell the WoT crew how to frame a bloody shot?
- Hell, they don’t even seem to know the Rule of Thirds.
- And the lighting is crap.
- It’s all crap, is what I’m saying.
- Hi!
- (Waves hand)
- Do we actually talk Andor?
- Not yet.
- I’m only three episodes in, so … we’ll wait.
- Books, right?
- So much slower this year than last, and I’m doing a shit job of writing down what I read.
- I’ve read four or five of those Dungeon Crawler Carl books by Matt Dinniman.
- Four?
- Maybe I’m on book five.
- Either way, they’re fun.
- LitRPG is bizarre to me.
- That the genre even exists.
- I’ve read two series so far.
- Cradle by Will Wight and Carl.
- Carl has blown up.
- It’s like dramatization of a D&D campaign, only the setting is different every book.
- And there’s a talking cat.
- They’re fun.
- Disposable.
- I’m taking a break with The Wheel of Time.
- Books three and four, then I’m out on that for awhile.
- That series is … daunting.
- Fourteen books of 700-900 something pages each.
- I reread the whole series back in ’21.
- Started in April, finished in June, reading nothing else in between.
- Was a good time.
- I read them as they came out, which was challenging.
- That was my first “waiting desperately for the next one” experience.
- For books anyway.
- In real life, that was probably the gap between The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi.
- Mom got me out of school early on the last day of sixth grade to go see Jedi.
- I think it was sixth grade.
- … I don’t want to look it up and do the math.
- Braining is hard at the moment.
- I think all the surgery drugs wore off finally and now my body is fighting to repair the skull hole and killing whatever the “thing” is at the same time.
- Resting HR is up about six, seven points.
- Sleep is for shit.
- Healing fatigue sucks.
- But … healing.
- YOLO!
- We talk about music in here a lot.
- Delivery of said music, however …
- I have a pair of Pixel Bud Pros.
- I cannot live without them at this point.
- First, I can’t wear any of my over-the-ear headphones right now because they smash my brains.
- Necessary.
- But also, these things have fantastic noise cancelling and work amazingly on Zoom and whatnot.
- They can connect to two devices at once.
- They actually have bass.
- I wish I got paid to shill for this stuff.
- Coming soon.
- This recovery life … I gotta admit, I need to figure out how to get paid to live this way.
- Get up. Have coffee. Write. Have lunch. Write some more.
- Yes, I write for a living.
- But there’s a gulf between that and what I’d rather be writing.
- These lists are a bridge for sure.
- They have saved my mental/professional life.
- Which gives us another segue.
- Maybe.
- Have you read the research on the four-day workweek?
- No loss of “productivity,” fewer taken sick days, an increase in contentment and happiness in the workforce.
- Not here in America, mind you.
- …
- I can’t end this thing on a rant, so I’m going to stop there.
- Stop buying into the bullshit.
- Okay.
- Where was I?
- (Consults the notebook …)
- (Yes, I actually made a list for the List today.)
- (The hell is the matter with me.)
- Playlists?
- The new mixtape or burned CDs.
- Problem I’m running into is how to share songs.
- The Teenager converted us to a Spotify family after a successful psych campaign.
- We were all Amazon Music.
- So I sling Spotify links around like candy.
- But not everyone can listen to them.
- What a pain in the ass our subscription-based world can be, you know?
- Glad some asshole who doesn’t create the music’s getting richer!
- (This is what differentiates the Black List from the Work List.)
- (Like, here, I can say I’d like to punch a certain State Superintendent sycophant in the face. Multiple times.)
- (Yes, fighting is bad.)
- “If you could fight anyone, who would it be?”
- I could do a top-five on that.
- But it’d be a Kali fight because I never got to where I liked punching people back in my sparring days.
- Hitting them with sticks and knives? Sure.
- Would need to talk to my therapist about that.
- OMG I loved doing Kali, btw.
- Became the ninja I always wanted to be.
- I have stories about that, too.
- Now this one’s gone long, and I only hit like half the stuff I wrote down.
- Snap. Back to reality.
- I gotta go water the veggies in the pocket full of sunshine.
- And then probably pass out from skull fatigue.
- High five.
-

- Today’s a White Blank Page kinda day.
- Some days, the Stream does not flow.
- It’s worse when it’s fiction and not this nonsense.
- Still sucks though.
- At my advanced age, I finally appreciate the need for good sleep.
- Not just some.
- But plenty and good quality
- I mentioned this yesterday.
- Not getting good sleep craters your entire next day.
- I passed out on the couch yesterday afternoon.
- It’s not that I mind a nap.
- I used to.
- The Teenager does.
- She resents them.
- Will not entertain the notion.
- We had a talk about sleeping in school the other day.
- Because I sure did when I was her age.
- She said she’ll put her head on her desk but will not sleep.
- I had no compunction about falling asleep in class.
- There was this one time in Oklahoma History in ninth grade where I was napping and the teacher (yes, I remember her name; she hated me) called on me to answer a question.
- I lifted my head, gave the correct answer, put my head back down.
- My friends told me about her face afterward.
- She also made fun of me, in front of the class, for shopping at the Army Surplus store.
- That day, I had on my black Vision Streetwear, my OD BDUs, and my white Metallica “Crash Course in Brain Surgery” t-shirt.
- Got an A in her class, thank you very much.
- Oklahoma history is the worst and getting worser apparently.
- Thanks, Douche Walters.
- Anyway, sleeping through history class was a thing for me.
- But … I did the head-on-desk thing, too.
- Like I said, I came to the appreciate sleep thing late in life.
- I have only stayed up past midnight a handful of times in the last few years.
- Used to be every day.
- Every night?
- I dunno.
- Fatigue wins out.
- That’s what I’m saying
- Listen to your bodies.
- These days, I miss out on sleep it’s like I stayed up drinking.
- The hangover feels the same.
- And takes as long to recover.
- The worst.
- Also why (you know, when I can) I never have more than two drinks, and probably just once a week.
- Not a tax I want to pay.
- There are plenty I don’t mind.
- We won’t get into that.
- But taxes are necessary for a functioning society.
- You know what else I worry about?
- Not being able to spell.
- Been writing by hand a lot the past few days.
- Paranoia.
- Because people are going to see it.
- We are all dependent upon spellcheck.
- They want me dependent upon Grammarly.
- Get the f out of my face with that.
- Yes, I know the rules.
- Yes, I know if I let Grammarly into my shit, it’ll sound like someone else wrote it.
- I had one of my coworkers ask me how to get better at writing.
- “Write.”
- Sounds ridiculous.
- Trite.
- You have to develop your voice, and there’s only one way to do it.
- Read and write?
- Writing sculpts your brain.
- I always imagine …
- Have I done this already?
- F.
- My brains are fried.
- No writing lesson for you today.
- As usual, I want to talk music.
- Sitting in the living room listening to the Tron Legacy soundtrack again.
- Daft Punk.
- It is good shit.
- My default most days, however, is Tool.
- Since the pandemic, my most-listened-to band.
- I have rebought all their CDs for the car.
- Cold. Dead. Hands.
- But I won’t do that to the Wife while she works from home on the couch.
- Had a station pause.
- “Do you ever listen to music when you work from home by yourself?”
- “Huh-uh.”
- Alrightey then.
- I have to have it.
- You know this.
- Well, some of you do.
- Now the rest.
- I have tinnitus.
- Have had since 2008.
- Music blunts the ring.
- And well, you know how I feel about art.
- Dammit all.
- Music is cathartic.
- Writing these lists does that, too.
- Remember how we started.
- Writer’s block. Bad mood (in case you missed it).
- Doing this for me and inviting people along for the ride.
- Gonna put the headphones on later and do some 10,000 Days.
- And work on the book.
- And call the Mayo.
- This recovery shit is … busy.
- Clock’s ticking, however.
- And my brain is no longer content with the status quo.
- I can keep going.
- Poetry’s becoming a thing.
- And I need to read some Hemingway as a recharge.
- And these prints The Wife got (related) are amazing.
- Need to be on the wall now.
- What I’m saying …
- “… Miles to go before I sleep.”
-

- I look like an escaped lobotomy patient right now.
- Mwhahahahaha
- Sup.
- I’m sitting here on the couch listening to “Planet Caravan” by Black Sabbath.
- The original, not that Pantera cover.
- Not that the cover is bad, but …
- I’m touchy, philosophically, about using things created by other people attached to whatever it is I’m doing.
- Like the Oatmeal comic, or that cross-stitched thing.
- I’ll attach that stuff because I love it, and I want other people to see it and follow whoever created it.
- Here’s where I’d go on another AI rant.
- I don’t want shit created by AI.
- I don’t want AI writing or art or music.
- If you’re a creative who uses it as a tool to help you with your end product, fine.
- If you’re using it to think for you, you’re hastening the downfall of humanity, and making some rich tech fuck richer.
- I’m sure you can use it to create dumb shit like bad action flicks and soap operas.
- I’m sure they will.
- But you get what you … pay for?
- This is where I’d get into my movie critic argument.
- The one where I say “just because you like something doesn’t mean it’s good.”
- I have a lot of guilty pleasures, too.
- I just know they suck.
- And Knowing Is Half the Battle.
- I guess the end game I’m struggling with.
- If they have AI takeover creative endeavors, humanity will flounder.
- We’re not meant to produce things for consumption other than food.
- Not meant to spend our lives on assembly lines or in factories.
- We’re meant to think and create.
- Creativity is where our species advances.
- You don’t solve problems without creativity.
- Asking AI to do it for you makes you reliant on it for your thinking.
- At some point, you’ll ask shittier questions.
- And get shittier results.
- Doesn’t anyone think about this?
- Then again, I’m fed up with humanity’s continued inability to come up with a system to benefit everyone.
- We don’t need to have poverty.
- Or hunger.
- Or homelessness.
- They fling the word socialism at anything that can benefit the many these days.
- And people believe it.
- It’s bullshit.
- It’s protecting the rich and greedy.
- Hard to get away from it when they’re throwing “productivity” hacks at you every day.
- This one’s a rant.
- I guess.
- I just work here, man.
- We finished White Lotus season three yesterday.
- Good stuff.
- By far the prettiest show I have ever watched.
- Started Andor season two.
- Excellent.
- I should’ve watched the finale of season one first, but I remembered as we tripped along.
- For those of you new to the List, Mondays often end up as weekend recaps.
- I started this one yesterday, so part of it isn’t.
- I have been waking up at 4ish and unable to go back to sleep because the brain is flipping to ON mode.
- I can brain.
- Last night, I lay there doing FMLA math on how long I had to make progress on my book, among other things.
- Kinda.
- Brains update:
- My left temple has been swollen and numb since the surgery.
- I’d been wondering exactly where they’d opened the skull.
- Figured that out Saturday trying to unload the dryer.
- That repeated bending over stuff …
- Oh, hey, there’s the crack.
- Lol.
- Still.
- Not bad.
- Still taking nothing for pain.
- And I looked up without double vision for the first time since April 2022.
- I never thought that would happen again.
- It was in and out, but it happened.
- The miracles of modern medicine.
- Wish everyone had access to them.
- And with that, I’m going to go take my IV meds and go for a walk.
- You have the Monday you deserve.
-

- Compulsion.
- That’s what it is.
- Even when I’m not at a computer, my brain makes these Lists.
- Started notes for one by hand this morning right before the IV treatment.
- (Which The Wife handles.)
- Where it started …
- Pouring the coffee this morning, I had a flashback.
- When I was a kid, on the weekends, we’d make coffee for the parents.
- I’m sure it was Folger’s or something I’m way too bougie to drink now.
- We’d pour it in these brown Frankoma coffee cups and carry it to them in their bedroom.
- I’d walk slow, like carrying a landmine, desperately trying not to spill it.
- Both of them drank it black.
- (I did not inherit that, though I did get the coffee addiction.)
- We also had this shot glass-sized Frankoma mug my Sister and I would drink coffee out of.
- Just the one, I think.
- Memories, man.
- I can still walk around that house in my head.
- I can still walk around almost everywhere I’ve ever been in my head.
- Weird, right?
- My memory … I wish I had more control over it.
- There are times where it’s photographic.
- Like, once in college during a test, I closed my eyes and read the answer off my study sheet that was crammed in my backpack.
- The words were down at the bottom right, and curved up the side in my shitty handwriting.
- Obviously, it doesn’t work all the time.
- Especially these days.
- What else?
- People have been bringing us food on account of my surgery.
- I keep getting overwhelmed with gratitude.
- And am trying to figure out how to process it.
- I bought a ton of blank thank you cards I get to start working on this weekend.
- And if somehow I miss you, I’m telling you now.
- Thank you.
- For all your positivity and support.
- You people are amazing.
- Transitioning to randomness in 3 … 2 … 1 …
- Have you had Sapori yet?
- On Cherry St?
- Everything I’ve had there is great, and the lasagna is the best I’ve ever eaten in my life.
- Put it on your list if you haven’t been yet.
- I could start making you Tulsa people a List.
- Heh.
- Hole Mole, right?
- That poblano sauce is amazing.
- Seriously, I’m going to make a website that’s nothing but Lists.
- Or maybe I leave it parked on the one I already have.
- We’ll see.
- Take 2 has the best drip beef sandwich I’ve ever had in my life, and that place is a cause you can get behind.
- I’m not even hungry
- It’s Saturday morning, I’ve had my coffee and donettes.
- Oh.
- Here’s a thing.
- This eye/brain stuff did not start in my eye/brain.
- It started in my cheek, worked its way through my jaw, up my temple, and then crawled in behind my eye.
- Along the way, it inhibited the movement of my jaw on the left side.
- I could not really open my mouth.
- Not enough to take a straight bite of a Hostess Donette.
- We usually have those around the house for the Teenager.
- So Thursday morning during the pre-School ritual, we sat down for some.
- I pulled one out of the bag and stuck it in my mouth without thinking about it.
- My mouth opened far enough to do it with no trouble.
- Was an OMG moment.
- Things are working.
- Hope is a helluva thing, right?
- I’ve been dealing with this shit for so long and like a typical GenXer, I roll with whatever happens.
- What’s the point of whining when it is what it is, right?
- Hope scares me.
- I don’t relax well is what I’m saying
- But good things are happening.
- Oof.
- I still desperately want an Old Fashioned.
- Sigh.
- This one’s a little self-indulgent.
- I’ll do better next time.
- It’s not a freaking journal after all.
- What else?
- No, I have not started season two of Andor yet.
- It’s on a List.
- I have a ton of lists of things to talk about.
- Like getting the old Gang back together.
- And physical media vs. streaming.
- Mountain biking.
- (Holy shit I cannot wait to get back in shape and ride my bikes.)
- (That’s going to be a huge chunk of the list when I get finished up with all these meds.)
- (Like, OMG I need to run and do push-ups.)
- I’m avoiding politics as much as I can, though honestly, the Black List exists so I can talk about that shit.
- I write these as discourse.
- I want anyone who reads to feel like commenting, and to build a community where we get along and chat.
- Online, because F all that in-person extroversion bs.
- And you know, community is the thing that extends your life.
- Enjoy the sunshine today.
- Pockets full of it.
I do not know who embroidered that molotov in the pic, or I would give them credit. But it made me smile enough to save it forevah.