skepticlysm

Tag: life

  • Get ‘Em Up in the Back Room

    Get ‘Em Up in the Back Room

    • Whose woods these are …
    • Kidding.
    • I mean, I’m not kidding.
    • Probably nothing better than starting a hot summer day with a little Frost.
    • But no, I’m not cut-and-pasting that in here.
    • I wonder how far I could get from memory …
    • I remember taking a lit class in college.
    • Lit 1? Lit 2?
    • We had to memorize a poem, then stand in front of the class and recite.
    • That’s the one I chose.
    • Because I’d already had to memorize it once, back in high school.
    • Obviously.
    • I don’t remember what I wore that day, though I can guess.
    • Baggy jeans, probably a Polo t-shirt of green or blue, covered by a giant plaid button-up that wore more like a jacket than a shirt.
    • Brown Docs on my feet.
    • I remember studying the poem the night before.
    • And then I didn’t have to go the first day, so it got punted to the next class.
    • Sitting here, I can remember the steps in the Classroom building, because my Lit class wasn’t in Morrill with the rest of the English classes.
    • This was before I committed to writing.
    • Before taking hours of creative writing and poetry classes and switching my major to Journalism.
    • Clouds obscured the sky that day, shrouding everything in muted gray.
    • Which made it darker in the classroom in the Classroom.
    • I sat there staring at the poem on my desk, copied by my own hand into a notebook, repeating the words in my mind, probably paying no attention to anyone else’s rote recitation.
    • Then it was my turn.
    • I walked to the front, turned, and … did the whole thing in one take.
    • Monotone.
    • I stared at the back wall of the room, making no eye contact.
    • Tried not to clench my hands into fists.
    • To go slow enough so as to not skip words or lines.
    • And then it was done.
    • They actually clapped.
    • Caught me off guard.
    • I still love that poem.
    • The atmosphere mixed with the profundity.
    • Good stuff.
    • I’m never ever going to be that good at words.
    • Not bad, but never great.
    • I think it’s important to keep that perspective.
    • Helps remind you to stay within yourself, but also to strive.
    • At some point, you’ll reach that spot mentally.
    • Where you become okay with being as good as you are, with what you do, and that you don’t have to be Robert Frost or Ernest Hemingway.
    • I did try to type it from memory.
    • Botched the last two lines of the second stanza, but I got the rest.
    • I’ll take it.
    • I could go for watching the woods fill up with snow about now.
    • Other than sitting by the ocean seeing waves crash, there’s nothing more calming than watching snow at night.
    • If I won the lottery, I might spend my time volleying between those two things.
    • You can get there with wind in autumn trees, too.
    • Or through the tall grass.
    • You sure af don’t get it from city traffic, though maybe if you were a born and raised city kid, I can envision you sitting on a concrete step, eyes closed, letting the traffic ambiance entrance you.
    • There’s peace to be had in sounds is what I’m saying for the kids in the back row.
    • “Get ‘em up in the back room …”
    • (Name that song!)
    • You know what is not a peaceful sound?
    • The goddamn microwave.
    • Our microwave sits above the oven, high enough you have to reach for it.
    • I’m not sure how Steph manages sometimes.
    • I heated up Mom’s coffee in it this morning.
    • Popped the door open, sat the mug inside, closed it up.
    • Then … I set it for 27 seconds.
    • I almost never do even numbers with the microwave.
    • Never multiples of five.
    • Usually threes and sevens.
    • I’m sure we could compare this to those of you who smash the :30 second button two or three times, then take out whatever it is when you’re good and goddamned ready.
    • The microwave isn’t the boss of us.
    • You can’t let the little battles you control out of your hands.
    • It is important to keep winnable victories.
    • Tons of books shout the importance of habits to our outcomes.
    • Talking to Mom over coffee this morning, tai chi came up.
    • Been thinking about starting that.
    • Have to overcome the social anxiety.
    • The noob anxiety.
    • But.
    • The goblin dog wakes us early every day.
    • Used to outrage me, put me in a terrible mental place before the day even starts.
    • Still find it annoying, but I’m trying to … get up and stay up when she wakes me up, even on occasion.
    • Because that’s free time, right?
    • And I dislike being mad at the dog.
    • I have transitioned from being a night owl to getting in bed at pretty much the same time every evening.
    • Reading to calm my brain for a bit.
    • The routine established, maintained.
    • While talking, I wondered if the secret to health …
    • Nevermind.
    • It’s not a wonder.
    • Consistency is key in everything.
    • Positive habits rather than negative.
    • I sat there and imagined getting up early every day.
    • Doing tai chi.
    • Drinking my coffee.
    • Then doing what has to be done.
    • Could only help to have that habit.
    • Could only improve my longevity.
    • Or barring that, improve the quality of my Time.
    • My. Time.
    • Mine.
    • Like these lists.
    • The cat, lying next to me in a sunbeam, holds my foot with her paw.

    Whose woods these are I think I know.
    His house is in the village, though;
    He will not see me stopping here
    To watch his woods fill up with snow.

    My little horse must think it queer
    To stop without a farmhouse near
    Between the woods and frozen lake
    The darkest evening of the year.

    He gives his harness bells a shake
    To ask if there is some mistake.
    The only other sound’s the sweep
    Of easy wind and downy flake.

    The woods are lovely dark and deep,
    But I have promises to keep,
    And miles to go before I sleep,
    And miles to go before I sleep.

    Robert Frost, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.”

    *Jerm, thanks for the hat.

  • The Jury’s Sleepless

    The Jury’s Sleepless

    • In all this time, it’s the first writing from a desktop in months.
    • Not because I couldn’t climb the stairs, but because I got comfortable typing from the corner of the couch with people in the room.
    • Writing’s a solitary endeavor.
    • Mostly I write from a desk.
    • Laptop and attached monitor for that fantastic dual-screen action.
    • Good ergonomic split keyboard.
    • Keyboards:
    • At home, I rock an X-bows Nature.
    • At work … (Ugh, we’ll get to that in a moment) … I have a Microsoft Sculpt keyboard, which Microsoft doesn’t make anymore, but … someone else makes it for them?
    • Prior to getting the X-Bow, the Sculpt claimed the title as “best keyboard I ever used.”
    • Keys felt like a good laptop keyboard.
    • The split perfect.
    • I dealt with carpal tunnel early in my career and took the pain associated with that seriously.
    • I only do straight keyboards when working on laptops.
    • Which makes the current laptop writing trend … concerning?
    • An hour is not all day at work, however.
    • Anyway.
    • Like the teaser teased, I awoke with the dulcet sounds of Rage Against the Machine in my head.
    • They were never my favorite band.
    • Took me a handful of listens just to get onboard.
    • Once I did, however.
    • It’s more Zack’s lyrics and delivery than their sound.
    • Though I do like their sound.
    • They’re in my Top 10.
    • (Which I probably have in my head, but have never committed to paper or e-ink.)
    • But yeah, awoke to a dog lying against my back superheating me, “Guerilla Radio” blasting through my head.
    • READY TO FACE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY.
    • Rallying around my family to keep me sane.
    • One of the constants about me is that I’m angry.
    • Like, all the time angry.
    • I don’t think of myself that way.
    • I do have a lot of frustration with things and am not shy about voicing them.
    • There’s an angry element to it, sure.
    • Dissonance between the way I’d like things to be and the way they are.
    • And don’t give me that crap about “well, make the changes.”
    • I control what I can … to help manage my frustration.
    • Like …
    • I write to give myself a voice.
    • How many people just don’t have one?
    • They walk about with all the stuff boiling inside and never express it.
    • Tick, tick, boom.
    • Let’s get into that.
    • Frustration.
    • How much frustration comes from fear?
    • Not all of it, sure.
    • But maybe a lot of it.
    • I have always been afraid.
    • Like that’s my trauma default.
    • Life dominated by fear, by what-ifs, and with substantially less focus on the good, what’s going right.
    • Don’t fuck up in view of anyone’s expectations because the Bad will happen.
    • People will walk.
    • Jobs will be lost.
    • Opinions of will occur.
    • And you know why I’m wired that way?
    • Because it’s typically been true.
    • Hard to relax.
    • Guard always up.
    • Scenarios, mostly bad, on decision tree in my head.
    • How much do you miss that way?
    • Scared of opportunity.
    • To even look at it, to entertain the possibilities in something other than risk.
    • The specter of failure the screen saver of the brain.
    • I hate it.
    • I hate being afraid.
    • Hate what it does.
    • Has done.
    • Don’t get me wrong, when the moments come, I usually step toward it and face it.
    • I don’t ever do that willingly.
    • I’m not as cowardly as my daily voice says.
    • Maybe not at all much anymore.
    • It’s tough to break thought patterns.
    • Remember that as you give yourself some grace, right?
    • I say that right?
    • That grace shit?
    • “I think I heard a shot!”
    • Let’s get back to the Frustration thing.
    • I talk a lot about time.
    • Can’t help it.
    • How modern life has wasted a lot of mine.
    • It does beg the question … what would you do with your time if it truly belonged to you?
    • I’d still write.
    • But in addition to that …
    • I’d be one of those Maker people neck deep in Raspberry Pi and 3D printing.
    • Like a character from a Doctorow novel.
    • (Seriously, go read Little Brother. Do it. Do it now.)
    • And goddammit, I’d be playing music.
    • And painting.
    • Though the painting thing is going to get some practice because I’m going to attempt to do some abstract stuff for the house.
    • That shit is expensive.
    • Even not paying a real artist to make it.
    • North of $500 for a reasonably large piece of art.
    • Artists need to get paid.
    • But I still can’t afford to pay them.
    • So gotta make my own stuff.
    • I need to go buy the paint and canvas.
    • Changes, man.
    • Promises made, to myself and others.
    • Still listening to Rage.
    • Damn, Zack has a gift for rhyme with substance.
    • There’s a reason Rage resonates with me, is what I’ve taken 800 words to explain today.
    • That, btw, is what most people do.
    • They identify artists expressing what they can’t.
    • Maybe that’s a life goal for me.
    • To be someone’s expression.
    • To those tired of being victims of the in-house drive-by.
    • Goddamn, Rage was ahead of their time.
    • “Am I standing in line?”
    • See you tomorrow.
  • Face Up, Make Your Stand

    Face Up, Make Your Stand

    • Sorry for the unexcepted interruption.
    • Moose out front should’ve told ya.
    • Shit just happens sometimes.
    • Immune systems get interrupted.
    • Compromised.
    • Mine’s on strike, apparently.
    • Which resulted in a two-day stay at Ches St. Francis South.
    • And here I thought we’d be five days into the Reclamation Project.
    • Alas.
    • Two days on, two days off.
    • Maybe three off.
    • Dammit all.
    • During this health odyssey, I’ve experienced exhaustion so deep I could not do anything.
    • Most the time, even feeling awful, I get up and do what I have to do.
    • I’ve learned there’s another level of fatigue.
    • The kind where you lay in bed and stare at the wall and do nothing.
    • You know how I am with boredom.
    • These few times in hospital rooms in the aftermath of something, I have not read, not watched television, not listened to music.
    • Just laid there, drifting in and out.
    • Not talking.
    • Nothing.
    • And you can’t even remember what you thought about when you’re through it
    • Or I can’t.
    • Health Time Theft.
    • Wasted days.
    • Wasted time.
    • Wasted Years!!!!
    • And yet, it’s the price of continued life.
    • If your body isn’t in tune, you’re shortening your timeline.
    • And even then, doing everything right doesn’t mean you’ll avoid shenanigans.
    • It’s important to remember what you can and can’t do in these situations.
    • What you do and do not control.
    • There’s no capitulation.
    • No surrender.
    • Do or die.
    • (Sometimes literally.)
    • It wasn’t the entire time I was in the hospital for the brain stuff, mind you, just that first couple of days.
    • Then came The Manifesto.
    • Anyway.
    • Been the longest gap since we started the public List.
    • Was not intentional.
    • This is my first time even holding a laptop in three days.
    • (Let me get my notebook. I had some notes over the weekend.)
    • Oh, right.
    • Mom’s staying with us because she’s had her hip replaced.
    • She’d mentioned before her favorite Star Wars movie is Rogue One.
    • Caught me off guard, really.
    • But honestly, I get it.
    • It’s probably my favorite, too.
    • So Saturday noonish, I threw it on.
    • Told her she needed to watch Andor.
    • We had a cool conversation about “most watched” movies.
    • Hers are Star Wars flicks, the Harry Potter movies, The Lord of the Rings … and I forget.
    • There were others.
    • I’ve mentioned it before, but Mom’s a nerd, too, apparently.
    • I would not have guessed it from my youth, except …
    • She took me to see Empire Strikes Back in the theatre.
    • And Raiders of the Lost Ark.
    • And out early on the last day of school to see Return of the Jedi.
    • (Yes, I know I’m leaving words out of those titles. Idgaf.)
    • We take her with us to Marvel flicks.
    • She, the kid, and one of the kid’s friends went to see Thunderbolts* without us (because I couldn’t go, obviously).
    • She’s recently been reading some sort of epic post-apocalyptic series I’d never heard of (pretty sure she found it on Kindle Unlimited).
    • I know my kid is a nerd, but I’ve used my influence for that outcome.
    • I’d never considered it might be in our DNA.
    • Though she took me to movies, we never talked books or anything.
    • It could all be I didn’t pay attention.
    • Because now that I think about it, I know she loved Ladyhawke and Princess Bride.
    • (Not starting now. There’ll be many missing Thes today.)
    • And now we have a grammar question.
    • The only time, pretty much, you use apostrophes to make something plural is if it’s a letter.
    • Like the A’s.
    • This error stands as one of my most hated grammar mistakes, because it’s either willful disregard or ignorance, but if you can make a sentence at all, it leans toward the former.
    • And I’ll be goddammed if I endure the language acceptance of something because people are lazy.
    • Get off my blank white pages with that nonsense!
    • So.
    • How to make The plural.
    • Just add the S?
    • Add the apostrophe and S?
    • It does not reconcile that my anti-rule following nature follows most the grammar rules.
    • I had multiple instructors in college throw out the “you must know the rules before you can break them” cliché.
    • (Adage?)
    • Clichadage!
    • Wachow!
    • Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me.
    • Sigh.
    • Ain’t none of us consistent.
    • Especially not English.
    • I never dug into why Rage broke up … until today.
    • And it’s mostly speculation still, which I admire.
    • The leading theory: creative differences.
    • Zack wanted to stay more political.
    • And is a perfectionist.
    • Like, did you know … he worked on an album with Trent Reznor, but never released any of the music because “it was not right?”
    • Tom and the rest of the band had no problem with increased commercialization.
    • And this is why I don’t really follow artists as people.
    • Like, I don’t want to hear Hetfield’s opinion about much of anything.
    • Don’t ruin things for us, bro.
    • I’ve forgiven you for St. Anger.
    • Shhh. Don’t mess it up now.
    • Same with Bruce from Iron Maiden.
    • I actually did read some opinions from that guy.
    • I’ll stick to the music, thanks.
    • Dude’s got a bit of a superiority complex.
    • To be fair, I might too if I were in a pretty big band for more than four decades, a trained pilot, a skilled fencer (like could’ve done the Olympics I heard) and other things.
    • Maybe it’s just the Britishness?
    • I dunno if he’s from a landed family or anything like that.
    • Okay, gonna stop.
    • Getting the pump primed.
    • …
    • I don’t even know what day it is.
    • F.
    • Have a whatever.

  • Until It Types …

    Until It Types …

    • Yesterday kept me from typing.
    • Today, if I don’t do it right now, will do that same.
    • A couple of doc appts.
    • A wake.
    • Driving practice.
    • Tumbling from one thing to the next.
    • While the world falls apart.
    • Could just repeat the Han Solo dialogue from the prison block in Star Wars.
    • (Sorry, I’m not calling it “A New Hope.”)
    • I did have a list in a notebook for yesterday’s.
    • One of the things on it, “Donette Bag,” I don’t even remember why I …
    • Waitaminute.
    • Shrinkflation strikes again.
    • The little strip of tabs you used to close the bag?
    • Gone.
    • Staleness .
    • At least the donettes are the same size, right?
    • RIGHT?
    • Maybe that’s why I can actually bite them again …
    • Hmmm.
    • Before we get into today’s topic (yes, I have a topic, though I’m not feeling it as much now as I did yesterday when I scribbled the note …), let’s talk about judgment.
    • There is no fucking E in the middle of judgment.
    • Dammit all.
    • Is it ironic, do you think, that I’m being judgy about judgment?
    • There used to be a forum, 20 years ago, called The Grammar Nazis.
    • And people on there would cut and paste bad grammar examples and destroy it like the high-browed jerks they were.
    • Made me laugh all the time.
    • Don’t know if it still exists.
    • Not going to look for it.
    • They probably had to change the name, if it’s still around.
    • I get twitchy reading all the memes and reels and whatnot with grammar and spelling errors.
    • Typos happen, sure.
    • I have them all the time in here.
    • I think.
    • But this is a lot of words.
    • I meme’s got like, what, 20?
    • You don’t notice when you mess that up?
    • Don’t care?
    • Don’t know the difference?
    • It does make filtering content easier.
    • It’s weird, right, because that same approach to content is what makes AI attractive.
    • You’ve got a lot of artists and creatives in different fields scared because people who do not have the skills are creating “art.”
    • Writing a prompt makes you an “artist” these days.
    • There’ll be some truth to that.
    • Could be a situation where people who did not have access to the training and education have found a tool that allows them to finally express themselves.
    • Definitely a little bit of that.
    • Happened in music, too.
    • I used to have this … argument … all the time about preference vs. quality.
    • For instance (and I’ll use things I like as examples so as not to make anyone feel crappy) …
    • I’ll go with the Mission: Impossible flicks.
    • Are they hallmarks of cinema, destined to be taught in filmmaking classes (that you can get on Udemy before they’re eradicated by corporate use of AI)?
    • Oh, hell no.
    • But I like them anyway.
    • Liking them doesn’t make them “good.”
    • It’s still okay to like them, however.
    • Which does, however, get us to the heart of the problem.
    • If you don’t know the difference between quality and not, does it make any difference?
    • If you don’t care …
    • AI makes the next blockbuster movie.
    • Everyone goes to see it.
    • It makes $500 million.
    • Queue the chain of AI-generated movies.
    • Screenwriters end up working … at Walgreen’s (where, let’s face it, they already do).
    • The human voice dies.
    • /end scene.
    • “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
    • Seems like the American cautionary tale at the moment.
    • ‘Cept swap out “scientists” for “billionaires” or “politicians.”
    • You can see the things I struggle with in these lists, my worries and anxieties, whether I try to avoid discussing them or not.
    • Sigh.
    • Remember the book merry-go-round I was on?
    • Ended up reading the Jack Reacher book they’re using for Season 4.
    • This is your brain on easy prose.
    • Maybe I should’ve used books instead of movies up there.
    • But then … no one reads anymore.
    • …
    • Truth: the bullet lists exist as part of my Don Quixote campaign to get people reading again.
    • If you give people good, compelling content, they’ll drop those phones and read, man.
    • (Tell me the movie I just stole and adapted that from …)
    • (I can hear his voice.)
    • I’m in marketing.
    • I know this works, honestly.
    • I have almost 30 years of experience in it.
    • Authentic content of any kind with a good voice kicks the crap out of rote nonsense every time.
    • Stand out or be lost.
    • Do whatever you can to combat the Algorithm.
    • That’s my new life Antagonist.
    • The Algorithm.
    • Followed by whatever proper names they give AI as it becomes sentient.
    • Damn you, Gibson.
    • Lists like this come from a lack of music.
    • Brought to you by … Tinnitis! Conversation! Interruptions!
    • This is why, for me personally, wfh is better than being in the office.
    • Interruptions kill creativity.
    • But also, inherent to creativity is time to stare into the void and drool.
    • If you don’t have time to NOT do the thing, you’ll just get stuff that checks the boxes.
    • That “subject” I mentioned earlier?
    • Was going to write about Fear.
    • One of those lists with some gravitas.
    • Instead we get this.
    • I should be ashamed of myselves.
    • I bought a three-pack of those little Moleskine notebooks.
    • Field Notes work, too, but Moleskine is better paper.
    • So I can carry it around in my pocket for when inspiration strikes.
    • Doing so makes me feel guilty I’m not journaling properly.
    • I should’ve been Catholic for the amount of self-imposed guilt I tote around.
    • You know, when they do a craniotomy, a bunch of nerves get cut.
    • Everything around my temple has zero feeling.
    • And I get tingling around my eye, to the tip of my nose, in my cheek, across my forehead.
    • Disconcerting.
    • Yeah, maybe I’m not here to cheer you up.
    • The recent release of Metallica’s remastered “Load” has a ton of instrumental demos of the songs.
    • There’s one of “Until it Sleeps” bouncing around in my head.
    • It’s good stuff.
    • There.
    • Music.
    • Enjoy your holiday weekend eve.
    • Question of the day: What’s your favorite piece of media you know is crap, but like it anyway?

  • Seriously, Don’t Read This One

    Seriously, Don’t Read This One

    • Hard to avoid the medical nonsense at the moment.
    • Getting the PICC line out as soon as someone figures out the orders.
    • I cannot adequately express how much I’m anticipating this.
    • I have had to sit here and watch the muscle melt from my bones, what little cardio I had left evaporate.
    • I can do stretches and whatnot.
    • I’ve done less than I could’ve.
    • (Gotta stress that part; I could be doing better rather than sitting here whining about it.)
    • I was doing the walking, but that damn rash.
    • But the rebuilding begins soon as that thing is out.
    • Gone along with the excuses.
    • Today or tomorrow, we’re turning the corner.
    • I hate waiting.
    • I hate waiting on anything.
    • Patience is not one of my virtues.
    • Other people spending my Time currency is going to be less and less tolerated as we progress.
    • (One of my hospital room revelations.)
    • The other medical stuff … We’ve been taking care of Mom for almost a week.
    • Hard seeing your parent in pain.
    • She’s doing well, obviously.
    • Knew she would.
    • Having to keep tabs on her to make sure she doesn’t overdo it.
    • Because that’s where I get it from, after all.
    • Have had birthdays in the last week.
    • Have a friend who’s lost a parent.
    • Had a dumbass internet death scare.
    • It’s a lot.
    • And that’s leaving out the unnecessary, manufactured unrest of the country.
    • Hope you are taking care of yourselves.
    • Oh, the other thing.
    • The bigger thing.
    • At the precipice of returning to work.
    • Probably going to ease into some wfh these next two weeks before we go back to the Mayo.
    • If they let me, anyway.
    • If they don’t, I’ll sit here and burn out the rest of my FMLA and continue to fend off the creeping work stress.
    • Because it gets into my head even when I’m not there.
    • Insidious.
    • And bullshit.
    • Work isn’t why we’re here.
    • The toll is overpriced.
    • I’m sorry, but you’re never going to convince me of the validity of Puritanical work ethos.
    • It’s propaganda.
    • You know, this is not what the list is for.
    • Not its purpose.
    • (Though this one’s pretty typical for a Monday.)
    • It’s not supposed to be a journal.
    • Supposed to be a little more on the entertainment side.
    • Like, I started reading T. Kingfisher’s “Nettle and Bone” a couple nights ago.
    • Digging it so far.
    • Pretty prose.
    • Interesting world.
    • I had to take a break from Carl and Donut.
    • Not sure if that’s an indictment of me or the book.
    • Probably me.
    • Adult onset adhd.
    • Which I’m more inclined to think is happening.
    • Boredom induced.
    • Takes more to hold my interest outside of that goddamn phone.
    • Oh.
    • That reminds me.
    • The other day, I saw an Instagram post that used the word “seggs” (with the e as an asterisk) to substitute for sex.
    • What the actual fuck.
    • Apparently the algorithms are filtering for language, so people are coming up with “creative” ways to get around it.
    • Which makes them sound like 12yos.
    • Seggs.
    • …
    • This world is starting to piss me off.
    • More.
    • Seriously though, what kind of head-in-the-sand person are you if you can’t even read the word “sex?”
    • Pretending something doesn’t exist is not the way you cope with anything.
    • Avoidance is the enemy.
    • Another one of those things where … I’m sorry you can’t deal with it, but that doesn’t give you the right to make others filter it for you.
    • A country a third-filled with adult-aged infants.
    • Check out some of the stuff in the Big Beautiful Bill if you don’t believe me.
    •  Politicians of all kinds are not looking out for us.
    • There are a few.
    • But most of them do not understand … do not gaf … about the public service aspect of their “jobs.”
    • I should not post this one.
    • Reread it.
    • Should not.
    • It’s all an angry little man gnashing his teeth and spewing verbal frustration.
    • Cept for that one little part about the book.
    • We rewatched “Super 8” over the weekend.
    • Could not help but notice the influence it had on “Stranger Things.”
    • (Damn you, Facebook, for making italics a pain in the ass. Yes, I know you can, but the hoops make it ridiculous. However, the quotes around titles when they should be italicized drives me insane.)
    • Good flick, though.
    • Again, reminds me of the gang and our tween and teen adventures.
    • People close to me keep trying to convince me to write a book of those adventures.
    • I don’t want to because … I’m the protagonist in my memories, and those are suspect and not necessarily accurate depictions of other points of view.
    • I would hate it if I wrote it from mine, it did not line up with theirs, and they hated it.
    • Like, there’s an audience of eight, and their approval is more relevant than an Amazon rating.
    • Sure, it sounds like an excuse.
    • But I have a lot of lines I will not cross.
    • Would it be liberating to have fewer morals?
    • Fewer ideals?
    • Less guilt?
    • Less responsibility?
    • If you do not feel responsibility, then you’re probably not paying an internal price.
    • If you’re not paying an internal price, you can do whatever you want.
    • Look down on whoever you want.
    • Be Gordon Gekko with his “Greed is good” bullshit.
    • And as karma (and other things) isn’t real …
    • Now we’re getting somewhere, right?
    • The heart of those differing perspectives.
    • One of the Discord denizens discovered Spotify uses AI “bands.”
    • I read about a month ago about them creating AI “artists” and having them cover a song and then throwing those into the algorithm.
    • There’s AI as a tool that can help us do some things more efficiently.
    • Then there’s AI used for creating profit at the expense of artists’ careers.
    • Again, greed isn’t good.
    • Goddammit.
    • This list is a skippable offense.
    • I warned you at the beginning.
    • Or I will when I post it anyway, which puts these last bullets into the time loop.
    • Have the Monday you deserve.
    • …
    • Take the Monday you deserve.
    • Fucking take it.
    • (The “take” is italicized.)
    • (Which means jack on the blog because I can italicize there.)
    • (But I write in Word.)
    • (if I cut-and-paste from the blog, it jacks up the facebook post.)
    • (Screw all this; I’m moving to monetization land.)
    • (I may not be able to do lists for work anymore.)
    • (These may have destroyed my filter.)
    • (“Who will life to escaping? Who is bad milk blood robot? Scream not working because space make deaf.”)

  • Belonging Kinds

    Belonging Kinds

    • First, “The Belonging Kind” is a Gibson short story in Burning Chrome.
    • And it’s a trip.
    • It’s probably a metaphor for what I’m about to discuss, but he’s smarter than I am and can be more circumspect.
    • Do you feel the need to belong to a group?
    • Like, do you need a group to define yourself?
    • I knew someone once who had this crazy drive to belong to something.
    • The things he wanted to belong to were … control groups.
    • Law enforcement stuff.
    • I didn’t understand it.
    • Still don’t, really.
    • I haven’t even been able to make myself stay in the Metallica fan club.
    • This is one of those things where I want to say, “I don’t,” but that isn’t true.
    • “Metalhead.”
    • Family and friend groups.
    • Is there a difference between interests we use to define ourselves and groups we think we need to belong to?
    • Why do we need external things to define ourselves?
    • Because that’s the language we have?
    • Clearly, this is the Rash talking.
    • A kind of madness.
    • I am going mad.
    • (Queue up the opening of Anthrax’s “Madhouse.”)
    • NP: Twenty-one Pilots, “The Line.”
    • Yesterday, I got my Casa Bonita Founders Club card.
    • Which makes me laugh.
    • I got on the mailing list when we were last in Colorado.
    • The Casa had a months’ long waiting list just for the soft-open.
    • Foolishly we thought we might go.
    • Apparently, it’s a destination now?
    • I probably only went a handful of times in Tulsa.
    • We were El Chico people.
    • That was my first Mexican restaurant experience.
    • What’s cool about Mexican restaurants … the variety of takes.
    • Like the differences between enchiladas, etc.
    • El Chico established “Tex-Mex” in my mind.
    • Stuff drowned in sauces. Con Carne, people!
    • Dear lord, I’m having trouble avoiding passive voice today.
    • Every damn sentence wants to use “was” for its verb.
    • I can’t lecture people about writing technique when I can’t do it myself.
    • Dammit all.
    • Were.
    • Was.
    • Is.
    • Bah.
    • Crap.
    • Writing in bullet lists promotes lazy writing habits.
    • Apparently.
    • See?
    • A damn adverb.
    • Motherfucking adverbs.
    • There I go, swearing again.
    • You know.
    • You can’t have known me and expect clean language.
    • Except in the book I’m writing because, well, it’s a YA book.
    • I know how it happened.
    • Still weird.
    • I need to get it finished so I can write other things.
    • Though the sequel is already a third plotted.
    • (IS; again.)
    • I am not currently fit for public consumption.
    • I need to go stand in a field and scream, except the heat would inflame the Rash.
    • This cannot stand.
    • Turning into a fine whine today.
    • I can’t wait to see F1.
    • Dude makes good movies.
    • Also, did you see the Denis V. got the directing gig for the next 007 flick?
    • Mixed feelings about that.
    • Dude is one of top two best living sci-fi directors.
    • But … he’s directed great non-sci-fi movies, too.
    • I think they’re about to shoot “Dune: Messiah.”
    • (About time for a Dune rewatch. Been a month or two.)
    • He’s one of my top-five favorite directors.
    • I’ll watch whatever he makes.
    • Except that movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and Hugh Jackman with the kidnapped girls.
    • Can’t watch a movie about kidnapped daughters.
    • I have not watched a bunch of stuff in my convalescence.
    • Weird.
    • Has been so much more draining than I expected.
    • I usually bounce back quicker.
    • Then again, I’ve never had my skull opened before.
    • Sitting here watching my Mom recover from the hip replacement.
    • She’s doing laps around the house with the walker already, and would no doubt be attempting more than she should if my sister wasn’t keeping steady watch.
    • Constant vigilance!
    • Anyway, recovering faster than the skull thing.
    • Perspectives and expectations, right?
    • Adjust to the reality.
    • Do not cling to your expectations.
    • That seems like the worst thing we can do as humans.
    • Getting stuck in a specific frame of mind limits your potential.
    • You have to be open to change, open to disappointment and redirection.
    • (Word always wants me to change “have to” to “must.” No one says must anymore, Word-bro.)
    • I’m not (open to change) as much as I’d like to be, anyway.
    • Working on it.
    • Like this “chocolate croissant” business.
    • It’s “pain au chocolat,” people.
    • (Always makes me laugh that bread in French is “pain.”)
    • Said this before, but if you want the real thing, you need to go to Saint Amon’s.
    • Next door to Nords.
    • You want a French pastry, go to a bakery operated by a real Frenchman.
    • Also, while we’re at it …
    • Listen, Panera, if you’d do it right, you wouldn’t need the powdered sugar and frosting crap on top.
    • The quest for profit robs us of better-made things.
    • Greed ruins everything.
    • Veering toward ranting.
    • Not gonna do it.
    • This time.
    • Wait.
    • I just ranted about bread.
    • My playlist just went from Royal and the Serpent to Killswitch Engage to Rusted Root.
    • Like a bunch of stuff.
    • Hit random.
    • I am a crazy person.
    • Actually, I think these lists represent a pretty typical trip through someone’s consciousness.
    • Maybe it’s just mine, but …
    • I have trouble holding onto one topic for any substantial chunk of time.
    • My brain operates in Squirrel in default.
    • Concentrating’s hard.
    • Maybe I don’t have ADHD, but it sure feels that way.
    • Remember me talking about the Kid’s boredom yesterday?
    • Yeah …
    • I apologize to her all the time for passed-on traits.
    • “Sorry, kid. Good luck with that.”
    • NP: Lorde, “Buzzcut Season.”
    • (When the hell did I hear that and click “like” on it?)
    • (“I have no recollection of this place.”)
    • (And if you don’t picture Gandalf along with that quote … maybe we can’t be friends.)
    • Speaking of Friends: Focus group time!
    • Thinking about paying $3/month to follow Poorly Drawn Lines on Patreon, because that dude makes me laugh and I want more.
    • You think these lists would sell?
    • Exploring options to get paid to write without a corporate/higher-ed middleman.
    • Part of the plan.
    • Plan the path to freedom.
    • How does any metal band think to write a song called “Flying Whales?”
    • Have a weekend.
    • Embrace the chaos.
    • For good.
    • Chaotic Good.
    • …

    Alternate title: Bread Fans

  • Somewhere Outside of …

    Somewhere Outside of …

    • And here we go.
    • Been to the doc twice today.
    • Seriously.
    • Every day this week.
    • Wtaf.
    • I’m ready to be done.
    • Then head to the gym.
    • Well, not that fast.
    • I need to set up the bike trainer again.
    • And get my home resistance workout ready to go.
    • Because I’m so out of shape, if I went straight to weights I would not be able to move for five days.
    • Starting from scratch.
    • Couch to … something.
    • It is definitely a project akin to restoring a classic car.
    • Not that I’m a classic.
    • Hubris.
    • But about the same age.
    • Always boggles my mind I was only a handful of years older than my first car, which was considered a “classic muscle car” by the time I got it at 17.
    • Regretful Life Decision #667: Selling the Camaro instead of just park-and-tarping it.
    • Sigh.
    • Live now, not then, not when.
    • But seriously, looking forward to that good muscle soreness.
    • You know what I’m talking about.
    • If I tried to kung fu right now, I’d throw my back out and need to borrow one of my mom’s walkers.
    • This just happened: Apparently I did the “Gangnam Style” dance for the kid when she was little, trying to get her to laugh.
    • That’s what my sister says, anyway.
    • I have no recollection of that, and I sure as hell don’t need to see that.
    • I can’t dance, man.
    • Not a bit.
    • Like Steph won’t even let me try.
    • Too self-conscious.
    • Which is funny, because … Life truth: unless you’re supermodel hot, or Elaine, or a professional dancer, no one’s watching you dance.
    • That’s a life lesson, really.
    • No one’s paying attention 99 percent of the time.
    • Fly your freak flag high.
    • (Borrowed that.)
    • What is the magic formula to live life honestly, to literally give no F’s about what anyone thinks of you?
    • That’s what authenticity is.
    • Not craving attention.
    • Not the shit the Cheeto-in-Chief does.
    • Went to Walgreen’s to get my industrial-strength Benedryl, and on my way to the pharmacy, I grabbed a Snickers for the kid (on the wife’s text rec, though I know better than to go to Walgreen’s and not return without chocolate).
    • (Have a little faith.)
    • After I waited out the older dude in front of me, I stepped up to the counter.
    • The Walgreenarian said, “What can I help you with today?”
    • “I have a pick-up.”
    • She nodded. “Last name.”
    • I gave it.
    • She nodded. “We have two for you.”
    • She retrieved them from the C bucket, then came back.
    • I’d tossed the Snickers on the counter.
    • She glanced down. “Oh, you got me a Snickers!”
    • “Do you need one? I’ll go back and get you one.”
    • …
    • “Seriously.”
    • She smiled really big the whole rest of the time.
    • I would’ve done it, too.
    • If not for those damn kids.
    • For real though.
    • You could make someone’s day giving them a candy bar.
    • Or at least make their 15 minutes before someone else shits on it.
    • The kid is battling with “boredom” today.
    • Show, don’t tell.
    • She tossed a pen at me.
    • I threw it back.
    • She threw it again.
    • I said, “I’m writing.”
    • Pouty bottom lip came out.
    • “What do you want?”
    • “I want to go somewhere!”
    • “Where?”
    • “I don’t know.”
    • “I’m not sitting in five o’clock traffic with no destination.”
    • More pouty lip.
    • C’mon, kid.
    • I got like 300 words to go.
    • Parental guilt.
    • If only I were a bad parent …
    • Or had more than one kid.
    • But seriously, I’m in a house with four women, a girl dog, and two girl cats.
    • It’s just me and Snacks.
    • On my left, the bored kid.
    • On my right, Liho the cat, who knows it’s the five o’clock hour and is demanding her evening food tribute.
    • She’s “my” cat.
    • Has resting bitch face.
    • Always scowling.
    • Always demanding.
    • When I’m in the kitchen, she winds around my feet making the “You’re going to pick me up” sound.
    • I’ve covered that before.
    • The cat makes different sounds for different demands.
    • The pick-up thing happens in the morning, at dinner, or pretty much any time I’m trying to, you know, DO something.
    • Her needs come before making coffee or dinner, and if you don’t hit the time limit, she’ll slash or bite you in punishment.
    • The hell, man.
    • “The Chosen One” label always comes with deeds to endure.
    • Taking out the trash the other night, I saw bats fluttering their way across the sky.
    • Made me think of HST.
    • Bats always make me think of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.”
    • Obviously.
    • Flirted a bit with “What We Do in the Shadows.”
    • “Bat!”
    • Still makes me laugh when I think about that.
    • But HST owns the bat association.
    • He could take Dracula in a straight-up fight.
    • No contest.
    • I’d order that emotional support HST, but it looks like it’s a China product, and I’m getting tired of things taking a month to get here when I order them.
    • Still waiting on one of Steph’s birthday presents.
    • Ordered it on the 6th.
    • You would think ten days is adequate time.
    • Apparently not.
    • Curses!
    • (Shakes fist at the sky.)
    • I don’t shake my fist at the sky.
    • Ever.
    • I just clench them at my sides and tremble with suppressed rage.
    • RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!
    • (Unless it’s summer, then eagerly await the setting of the sun because F this heat.)
    • See you tomorrow.
  • Scratch That Itch

    Scratch That Itch

    • Started up Spotify, which picked up where I left off yesterday.
    • “Disgustipated,” by Tool.
    • Nevermind it’s funny.
    • “These are the cries of the carrots. Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses!”
    • That’s only half the reason I like it.
    • The other half is the percussion.
    • Danny’s a genius.
    • Has to be one of the best of all time.
    • Though … there are different kinds of musicians.
    • Those who are technically brilliant.
    • Those who can phenomenally match the soul of the song.
    • A precious few who can do both.
    • I’m not making a list.
    • I do not have the expertise.
    • I do think Danny can do both.
    • Or like David Gilmour of Pink Floyd on guitar.
    • (Again, my perpetual promotion of “Comfortably Numb.”)
    • “The “Comfortably Numb” guitar solos by David Gilmour are iconic and widely regarded as some of the best in rock history. The song features two distinct solos, both of which utilize the B minor pentatonic scale and are known for their expressive bends, phrasing, and use of vibrato.”
    • Thanks, Google AI!
    • Which means, of course, take everything in that copy/paste for what it’s worth.
    • (Might be worth nothing, but holy hell, I love those solos.)
    • That just played, btw.
    • Followed up by “Breathing Lightning” by Anthrax, which is a damn good song.
    • Good effing lord.
    • I have an all-over body rash.
    • Have had for days.
    • Literally everywhere.
    • Docs at the Mayo said, “It can’t be related to the meds or it would’ve started before now. Take a benedryl.”
    • Did that.
    • Still itchy.
    • Can’t get into the primary care people until Thursday, which makes it a perfect whole week of doc appts.
    • And before you say, “Hey, they make ointments for that kind of thing …”
    • I would have to bathe in the stuff.
    • Not cost effective.
    • I’m losing my mind.
    • This from someone who’s had 24/7 tinnitus since 2009.
    • But … it’s in my armpits, behind my knees … holy shit this is worse than having my skull cut open.
    • I’m going to have to go take a scalding hot shower.
    • You increase the pain to lessen the pain.
    • Forced recalibration?
    • Deliberate perspective shift?
    • Those of you who get poison ivy know what I’m talking about.
    • Running that shit under hot, hot water is almost orgasmic.
    • I remember doing that kind of thing as a kid.
    • The “adding pain lessens pain” thing.
    • When you’d have a splinter or something wanting to be infected, I’d mash on it to make it hurt worse for a moment.
    • No?
    • Just me then.
    • Weird.
    • Got it.
    • I can endure all kinds of physical hardships, but a goddamn itch pushes the limit more than almost anything.
    • Possibly controversial take: the “Bring the Noise” with Public Enemy and Anthrax is better than the original (except for the parts where the Anthrax guys rap).
    • (Let the real rappers rap, boys.)
    • I remember “I’m the Man” getting played at my first junior high dance where kids from both our town’s schools could attend.
    • We expected rumbles.
    • I don’t remember any.
    • “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
    • Yesterday, driving home from picking up dinner, the state of the road set my brain off on a spiral.
    • It drives me insane every time I hear someone bitch about taxes.
    • Taxes fund our society.
    • Full stop.
    • The road I drove on last night … full of patches and potholes and cracks and unevenness.
    • Moon rover.
    • Tax money would fix that.
    • If our city collected enough of it.
    • And that money was spent properly.
    • instead, dipshit congress people (who are those wealthy enough to run), continually misspend the tax money collected, work to lessen taxes collected, and do not really give a shit about the implications of defunding valuable programs that allow us to have a functioning modern society.
    • Roads. Schools. Social welfare programs.
    • Sorry, kids, but taxes are VITAL.
    • Maybe we should all be focusing on how these people opt to spend our tax dollars instead of being catfished by inflammatory subject matters like abortion or sexuality.
    • Once again, I’m asking you to stop believing the propaganda and start looking at what the policies do for our society.
    • Sure, not everything affects you personally.
    • But you have to stop and assess its impact on the greater good.
    • (The greater good.)
    • Government is not a business.
    • It exists to serve the people.
    • All of us.
    • Even you.
    • Yes, there’s spending on things you don’t think are important.
    • Cool. There’s more than you here.
    • That fucking road is embarrassing is what I’m saying.
    • Should not be allowed to get into that condition.
    • I wonder why it’s not a priority?
    • (Because choices have to be made about where to spend the limited funds.)
    • Defunding education makes the country less competitive globally, makes people less able to critically think (and thus easier to be manipulated), and limits upward economic mobility.
    • OMG, taxes.
    • Sorry, but privatization of services is not for the greater good.
    • It always, ALWAYS, leads to shittier service and increased cost.
    • Because greed, and fuck Gordon, is not good.
    • Freedom and prosperity aren’t free, and that includes more than robust military.
    • This from a shitty road.
    • Road’s got me ranting.
    • And this damned itching.
    • We’re going to extend this a bit so we don’t end on an argument.
    • Happy birthday, Candice!
    • We all said that to her (because she’s in town to help care for Mom).
    • Didn’t sing.
    • I’m not from a family of singers.
    • Or performers.
    • Or musicians.
    • Well, one of my mom’s cousins is a musician.
    • Symphonic.
    • Taught at a college and everything.
    • Anyway, there will be bundt cake.
    • And responsibility for choosing dinner.
    • Hallelujah!
    • My playlist went from “As the Rush Comes” to “Welcome Home (Sanitarium).”
    • Natives getting restless now.
    • Mutiny in the air.
    • Mirror stares back hard.
    • Seems the only way for reaching out again.
    • (I left out all the killing business.)
    • Hetfield writes good lyrics most the time.
    • Better riffs, but still.
    • And then to “Enjoy the Silence.”
    • Randomized playlists of songs you’ve liked are the bomb.
    • I wonder if randomized life would be as satisfying.
    • I’m guessing … no.
    • Because that’s pretty much what we have, and we’re missing the “like” button.
    • See you tomorrow.
    • If the itch doesn’t send me to the sanitarium between now and then.

  • June 24

    June 24

    • This getting old shit sucks.
    • I understand my generation’s parents are getting to the age where they get replacement parts and augmentations.
    • Possibly courting mortality.
    • Oof.
    • Mom had a hip replacement Monday, so we’ve been busy.
    • Yes, she’s up and moving already.
    • With a walker, but still.
    • It is what I expected.
    • She gave me the fount that is my stubbornness.
    • Obviously.
    • Like me, she’ll probably expect to be better before she actually is.
    • She’s bunking with us for a couple of weeks.
    • In no small part because she has eight or nine Great Pyrenees, and she would have pretty good odds of getting bowled over.
    • (Falling when you’ve just had a hip replacement is not physician-recommended.)
    • Dog Rescuer.
    • So was my sister at one time.
    • Stubbornness and caretaking run in the family.
    • My uncle showed up for the surgery on Monday, and we ended up talking to him at the hospital Starbucks for the couple of hours Mom was in the OR.
    • Good talk.
    • He’s a doctor, so again, the caretaking thing seems to run in the genes on that side of the family.
    • I bailed on pre-med, one of those decisions I regret, so that had been my path at one time, too.
    • (Given what my uncle said yesterday, I should’ve been a radiologist.)
    • I’d planned on being a shrink.
    • Sometimes, I still think about being a therapist.
    • I don’t think I want to incur that much student debt again, especially not when we’re about to co-fund the kid’s college.
    • It would be fun to be back in school.
    • I loved grad school.
    • Would probably enjoy lower-level stuff now.
    • If I had the time to audit classes, I totally would.
    • Teaching would be rad, too.
    • The Path.
    • It’s interesting to look back and remember those choices that had an outsized impact on the course of your life.
    • Literally one thing.
    • Boom.
    • There are lots of little unnoticed moments that shape our lives, too, but it’s the big ones you remember.
    • Butterfly effect, right?
    • That makes me think of that Machines of Loving Grace song, “Butterfly Wings.”
    • Loved that band.
    • Still like those first two albums quite a bit.
    • I listen when I remember.
    • They had a song on The Crow soundtrack, “Golgotha Tenement Blues,” which was a pretty good song, but they never blew up.
    • I may go listen to them today.
    • After we figure out what we’re doing for dinner.
    • One of the worst things in adulting.
    • When you don’t know what you want, but you sure know what you don’t want when you hear it.
    • It’s probably going to be Meddys (it was).
    • (I’ll cook tomorrow; it’s been a couple of days and nights of exhaustion.)
    • (Know when you’re beaten.)
    • (Meddys rocks, btw, and it’s not terribly expensive by comparison.)
    • Shawarma rules.
    • I had no idea.
    • My exposure to it before now was the end-credits scene after “Avengers.”
    • (I want to do a head-to-head comparison between shawarma and gyros.)
    • I’ll be a lot more excited about food when I’m also exercising again.
    • I’ll have that date on Friday.
    • Can’t wait.
    • Going five-for-five days with doc appts this week.
    • Combine that with mom’s stuff …
    • I’m bloody tired of doctors and medical facilities.
    • Not finished yet, but … soon.
    • …
    • Do not trust to flow.
    • It has abandoned these bullets.
    • I blame the exhaustion.
    • Then again, sometimes the stream of consciousness has rapids.
    • My TBR pile keeps growing.
    • I think I’m on the last book (currently) in the Dungeon Crawler Carl series (which I heard someone on the Internet describe as an “intergalactic Hunger Games”).
    • It’s good stuff.
    • Fun.
    • Also upcoming: …
    • Yeah, okay, I looked at my Kindle library and it’s running over with samples and other things I don’t remember getting.
    • …
    • I considered listing them, but there are probably 15.
    • Well, hell with it.
    • “Modern Divination” by Isa Agajanian
    • “Nettle & Bone” by T. Kingfisher
    • “Doorways in the Sand,” Roger Zelazny
    • “The Fourth Consort,” Edward Ashton
    • “An Easy Death,” Charlane Harris
    • “This is Your Brain on Music,” Daniel T. Levitin
    • “Written on the Dark,” Guy Gavriel Kay
    • “Practical Demonkeeping,” Christopher Moore
    • “The Original,” Brandon Sanderson & Mary Robinette Kowal
    • “The Raven Scholar,” Antonia Hodgson
    • “In the Garden of Beasts,” Erik Larson
    • “The Ophiuchi Hotline,” John Varley
    • “The Bone Season,” Samantha Shannon
    • And that’s just the stuff on the Kindle.
    • Not the paper books I have laying around.
    • And that’s not the whole “now reading” list.
    • A couple of those I already bought, so they aren’t samples.
    • A few are on Kindle Unlimited.
    • Authors get paid by the page on that?
    • (I didn’t even look into it when I pubbed that short story.)
    • I’m sure Amazon pays less now, or has jacked up the system.
    • When I published that short story, I feel like Amazon got much more of the 99 cents than I did.
    • The ratio was better if you charged at least $1.99, I think?
    • Again, the creatives doing the work, some other entity profiting from it.
    • Shocking!
    • Shocked!
    • Stunned!
    • …
    • I gotta stop.
    • We have Ironheart to watch.
    • Back tomorrow …
    • …
    • …
    • Yeah, I did not get this posted before I went to bed.
    • Going to post it now and then get on with today’s.

  • Short-Term Memory Issues

    Short-Term Memory Issues

    • Favorite cover of a song.
    • Go!
    • I don’t have favorites of anything, really.
    • I like lots of things, and depending on the mood, sometimes something climbs to the “favorite” spot.
    • Ephemeral Favorites.
    • I’m overusing that word.
    • Was listening to Ruelle’s cover of “Where is my mind?”
    • Was playing when I started typing, anyway.
    • Last night, I started thinking about writing.
    • I know, I know.
    • But specifically, scripts and books in terms of paychecks.
    • When a movie gets made, for instance, they’ll pay the actors millions, even cutting them into the profits of the film.
    • RDJ got north of $75 million for Avengers: Endgame, I think I read somewhere.
    • The Director gets his millions.
    • The writers, however, the people who come up with the story, get a pittance in comparison.
    • “For WGA members, the minimum for a first draft screenplay is around $106,000, and rewrites and adaptations start at approximately $54,000.”
    • What the actual F.
    • Without the writing, without the idea, you have nothing.
    • I don’t deny acting talent, but c’mon, those people get paid because they’re pretty.
    • Now’s a good time in history to be pretty.
    • Always better to be pretty.
    • It’s another inherent bias.
    • Back on topic: Not everyone can write worth a damn.
    • How is it they are always underpaid?
    • Started thinking about this because one of the guys in the clan shared an article about the death of SEO and the responsive rise of authentic influencers.
    • Like people writing their own content and developing a following for their ideas.
    • Followed for being thought leaders.
    • Which harkens back to the beginning of the internet.
    • Sounded nice.
    • I’m not sure I believe it.
    • I’m not sure the algorithms would let that happen.
    • Zuck has already said he wants meta products to be less about people, and more about fill your head with content generated by AI.
    • I’m not a trend guy.
    • I react negatively when we try to do things the way everyone else does them at work.
    • I write content based around the idea of developing a relationship.
    • If you don’t …
    • Nm.
    • Revisiting material.
    • That happens when you’re still sitting on the couch with your laptop on your lap.
    • NP: Metallica, “Welcome Home (Sanitarium)”
    • When this song plays, I see my bedroom in the house I grew up in.
    • I remember climbing out the window to go skate the half-pipe in the backyard.
    • I remember the music as I fell asleep.
    • Again, repeating, but I used to play that tape in my Panasonic boom box on my headboard at lights out, and I’d usually be in Nevernever Land by four or five songs in.
    • Sometimes, Master of Puppets (album) throws me into memories, full spectrum.
    • Smells. Sounds. Sights.
    • I’ve had that a couple of times lately when I’ve been outside (without the music).
    • Catch a smell and I’m a teenager again.
    • It’s bizarre.
    • Something yesterday threw me back into leaving the house on my skateboard on a summer morning.
    • I remember those years better than my 20s.
    • Or my 30s.
    • Hmmm, I wonder why.
    • I won’t go into the work rant again.
    • I don’t have to
    • You know.
    • I wonder if our memories get worse because of rote repetition.
    • If you’re not creating new pathways, your brain falls apart.
    • “Variety is the spice of life.”
    • Yeah, might be the secret to longevity.
    • I made an “old” quip to Kaia last night at bedtime along the lines of “I’m old, my brain doesn’t work.”
    • She got onto me, told me my brain worked fine.
    • “Okay, my short-term memory sucks.”
    • I can’t even remember what I told her I couldn’t remember. 
    • Just now, I had to ask her what we were talking about that I couldn’t remember.
    • Ah.
    • Bringing the cat upstairs to her room.
    • Of course.
    • I’ve never been good at repetition of anything.
    • Boredom … it means different things to different people.
    • Some people use it when they have nothing to do.
    • I can have a million things to do and still be bored af.
    • I hate the word, but a lack of “engagement” is the thing that causes boredom for me.
    • Disinterest destroys me.
    • (Directly fueled my Internet addiction.)
    • I see it in the kid, too.
    • Another thing for which I owe her an apology.
    • Disinterest fuels procrastination.
    • And dissatisfaction.
    • “Oh, well then, do something that interests you.”
    • Would love to, except I have to work.
    • It’s already this way.
    • AI’s going to make it worse.
    • If I had to work an assembly line, I’d … think self-harm thoughts.
    • Yeah, let’s nosedive into the weekend with this subject matter.
    • As with everything, we make decisions that change our paths or keep us on them.
    • I had a therapist, when we’d talk about this stuff, he would always bring up my values.
    • Would talk a lot about choice.
    • We make choices according to our values.
    • Mine would be family and taking care of them.
    • I go to work because I need to have a paycheck to provide what I can for my family.
    • I don’t see it’s a Choice in modern society.
    • Man.
    • Okay … ah, I think Daft Punk’s Tron soundtrack is better than most their albums.
    • I don’t even want to post this.
    • I will because I’ve got time in on it.
    • Debbie downer, eh?
    • Pet peeve: fingerprints on my laptop screen.
    • Check out The Glitch Mob, btw.
    • (“Band.” Kinda. Do you call electronic artists bands?)
    • They have a couple of remixes that are spectacular.
    • Like the one of “Seven Nation Army.”
    • (Trust me, queue that one up and listen to it in the car.)
    • I’m rolling with the Liked Songs playlist again.
    • Played some Moby while I was shooting up my antibiotics.
    • “Flower”
    • I have so many syringes I feel like a substance abuser.
    • …
    • You guys still wear watches?
    • I love watches.
    • I’ll probably never stop wearing them.
    • Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s the watch or having something on my wrists.
    • I’d roll killer bracelets, too.
    • I bought one that’s got a bunch of brass skulls on it.
    • On the left, there’s my Citizen field watch Steph got me like 17 years ago …
    • On the right, some blue/gray/navy/black friendship bracelets Kaia made.
    • I’ll never take those off, unless it’s an MRI or surgery and they make me.
    • She put little happy face beads on the second one.
    • Which is ridiculous.
    • But here we are.
    • Just a ray of sunshine.
    • Not a pocketful, mind you.
    • You thought I’d forgotten.
    • Try this one: “Disparate Youth,” Santigold.
    • When you text, typos ruin the joke.
    • Every time.
    • Especially when you’re making fun of someone or something.
    • Running long today because I’m sitting here typing.
    • Lists aren’t narratives.
    • Should’ve stopped after the sunshine shit.
    • Ah well.
    • Thanks for stopping by.