skepticlysm

Author: Skeptifist

  • Rabbit Hole

    Rabbit Hole

    • One of the things I’ve had to go back and work on for my novel … character sheets.
    • I can see the characters in my head but reading while I’m revising, a lot of them are 2-D.
    • I noticed a lack of presence and flat dialogue.
    • Which means they’re placeholders and need to be fixed.
    • Annoying af.
    • Another speedbump in the struggle of writing a book.
    • That kind of thing was easier in the one I tried to write before.
    • At least it seemed so at the time.
    • Also a time when that was all I needed to worry about.
    • The job was to write, not to … job.
    • Anyway, character dictates plot as much as plot dictates character.
    • Kaia plotting everything down to the tiniest detail shone a light on why it’s taken me so long to write the goddamn book.
    • I get stuck because I did not do the pre-work.
    • I’m not a Pantser, as it turns out.
    • Exposition: allegedly there are two kinds of novelists – Plotters and Pantsers.
    • Plotters plan.
    • Pantsers pull it out of their asses.
    • Sorry, “write by the seat of their pants.”
    • That’s what Stephen King does, btw.
    • I bet he does not write character synopses.
    • I can’t sit here in these lists and criticize novels and movies for lack of character depth when I’m not doing it in my own work.
    • Don’t get me wrong.
    • Just because characters are flat does not mean the work won’t be entertaining.
    • There are fucktons of IPs where we have basic characters and the thing is about the plot/spectacle.
    • Fun, but disposable.
    • Beach books, right?
    • But your audience develops shallower emotional involvement when the characters are flat.
    • Which means the rollercoaster ride has to be perfect.
    • I’d rather have both, you know?
    • It’s like marketing: if you’re not creating an emotional connection to the property, no one’s going to remember (or return/buy your thing again).
    • (This is why most commercials are dogshit, btw.)
    • (Brand loyalty is an emotional response to a product or business.)
    • (Coke or Pepsi?)
    • (Favorite sports team?)
    • (I could do a whole list, or series of lists, on what makes for successful marketing, and you would not believe the amount of emotional manipulation that makes the good stuff good.)
    • My book is not literature, it’s a pulpy YA adventure.
    • Book one of a trilogy.
    • The heroine is 15 in book one, 17 in book two, and 19 in book three.
    • This is no kiddie story, but it begins when she’s youngish.
    • And she’s a she because way back when this was a short story, not a novel, Kaia said, “Why isn’t he a girl?”
    • Which is also how this became FOR her instead of for me.
    • I just thought the idea was cool.
    • Couple of kids break into a sorceress’s home.
    • Getting back out turns out to be harder.
    • This has been more difficult than writing my Master’s thesis.
    • However.
    • Progress!
    • I’m kinda pissed it’s taken me six weeks to make headway on it.
    • Head had to clear up a bit I guess.
    • We’re rollin’ now.
    • Obstacles being removed.
    • Hold fast.
    • You know, they say you’re less likely to complete a goal if you talk about it.
    • Like, I’m less likely to finish the book because I’ve talked about it to people.
    • F.
    • Too late, right?
    • Writing is a largely solitary effort.
    • You with a keyboard in a room alone.
    • Sometimes, however, you need to talk about it.
    • Need feedback.
    • Need holes shot in your thinking.
    • 17 chapters to go.
    • That’s where we’re at.
    • And then we revise.
    • (This is another of those lists written the day before.)
    • (Most of it.)
    • (Yes, sometimes, I write two in a day.)
    • (Like I’ve said before, this is compulsory.)
    • (And the freedom has been inspirational and motivational.)
    • (I’m not going to finish this one yesterday, however.)
    • Anyway, character sheets.
    • One of the how-to books I read on novel writing had you do all this character pre-work.
    • Role.
    • Values.
    • Ambition.
    • Goal.
    • …
    • But all I can think of are D&D character sheets.
    • It’s a struggle not to give them ability scores and proficiencies.
    • I am giving them alignments.
    • Because, duh.
    • Shorthand for values and general demeanor.
    • At least when you’ve trafficked in alignment labels for 40 years.
    • Go find a D&D alignment quiz out there on the Web.
    • (I’d do it for you, but the link would only be good on the blog, not FB, and … c’mon, you can web on your own.)
    • (Okay, fine.)
    • I’m Chaotic Good.
    • Got a t-shirt and everything.
    • Yippie-ki-yay.
    • My favorite descriptor of that alignment: “The right thing, the wrong way.”
    • Wrong’s a strong word, and I disagree with it in this context.
    • Who’re you to tell me I’m wrong?
    • It’s only wrong because you think you’re right.
    • (Said all I needed to say on the opening topic.)
    • (Maybe I’ll get to the chickenshit Hollywood bit …)
    • Honestly I took one of those tests just now and came up True Neutral, but that does not fit my internal narrative.
    • I feel I should mansplain it a bit.
    • When you’re doing an RPG, the alignment you assign to your character dictates how they act.
    • Say they’re Lawful Good, then they’d be a Dudley Doright kind of person.
    • Chaotic Evil would be a megalomaniac.
    • Chaotic Good would be … John McClain or Henry Jones, Jr.
    • It’s like a game version of Myers-Briggs.
    • Okay, yeah.
    • I may post another of these later that’s a little more … in line with what we’ve been doing.
    • This one’s like a writer’s nerd rabbit hole.
    • I need like a song rec or something.
    • Uh …
    • “Death Do Us Part,” Royal and the Serpent.

  • Save Yourself

    Save Yourself

    • Got a phone call from the ex-Boss yesterday.
    • She was listening to a spot on NPR about long-term infections that mutate and thought of me.
    • Because, you know, I have a long-term infection that mutated.
    • We’re not really certain of the mutated part yet.
    • But seems bloody likely.
    • Anyway, then we had a good conversation, which is the norm.
    • I paced through the house with my shitty bone-conduction headphones on because, you know, that’s the only thing I have and can wear at the moment.
    • Unless I want to go wired, and ain’t nobody got time for that.
    • Anyway, she made a crack about getting a taste of … not being at work.
    • Sweet, sweet freedom.
    • I’ve been thinking about it since.
    • And I’m not going to get too deep into it because I have work peeps on my FB friends list.
    • But since the surgery, since my FMLA/Mayo mandated recuperation time, there has not been a single day when I didn’t write something.
    • Something I wanted to write during time dictated by myself and not someone else.
    • (Not all Lists, obviously.)
    • I feel so much better.
    • Mentally.
    • Emotionally.
    • That’s with a healing skull and shrinking brain tumor.
    • And day-by-day, I’m less inclined to want to listen to my “superiors.”
    • And I resent all this “productivity” bullshit I see all over the place more and more.
    • The going back is a specter I’d like to call the Ghostbusters to take care of.
    • But you know, I’m only worth what I produce for someone else.
    • Only worth what someone else sees in me.
    • Horseshit.
    • And we live this way, voluntarily or resentfully, depending on your interpretation.
    • While I was thinking about that, Billie’s “Everything I Wanted” popped up on the playlist.
    • Which inspired the question: Do you know what you want?
    • I’m not talking Taco Bell for lunch.
    • Or the hot new iPhone with AI that tells you what you want.
    • In your soul.
    • Down deep.
    • What do you want?
    • I’m working on that answer for myself.
    • Things are not the answer, mind you.
    • Items.
    • Shit you can buy.
    • Ephemera.
    • You have to do the work to find these answers.
    • You have to save yourself.
    • (Queue Stabbing Westward …)
    • So yeah, that’s what I got from a phone call.
    • Also, Billie’s awesome.
    • Can’t wait to see her, even if our seats are nosebleeds.
    • Hit a huge writing milestone yesterday.
    • Feels like a weight off and there’s that tunnel light stuff.
    • Like I said, lots of writing.
    • Lots of naps, too, because believe it or not, when you have your skull cut open and things scooped out of your head, it apparently exacts a toll.
    • The screenshot today …
    • I do that all the time on both the laptop and phone for the express purpose of sharing.
    • I save a ton of things, too, and then don’t remember to share them.
    • My “saved” … folders? … on all the platforms are full of stuff I never remember to go back and look at.
    • In that moment, the moment of saving, there’s probably that dopamine hit.
    • A laugh.
    • A smile.
    • A “Steph’s gotta see this.”
    • Again, today’s came from a saved folder.
    • I identify with both statements, obviously.
    • “Move your ass people,” he thought, not acknowledging his frustration or blood pressure.
    • Then there’s that metal one …
    • (Right now, in the writing of this, I decided to post multiple things I’ve collected. Congratulations! You get a gallery!)
    • The metal one made me want to go buy the Satanic Panic t-shirt from Dice & Devilhorns, btw.
    • I didn’t.
    • But I “wanted” to.
    • A lot of the time, when I see clever memes or social posts, I think, “I couldn’t do that.”
    • I think about a lot of creative things that way.
    • Well, I think about a lot of things that way.
    • Because we all have different strengths and talents.
    • Yours doesn’t make you better than anyone else.
    • It just makes you different.
    • And we should all recognize (in all the connotations) those differences in others.
    • I’m not a meme-writer.
    • I’m not a poet.
    • I’m not sure what the hell I am, but there are some things I’m damn good at.
    • Same with you.
    • Like, I’m not going to tell Bliss how to project manage anything.
    • Or give him a lecture on leadership.
    • Or tell James or Jerm how to draw something.
    • Or Phil how to code.
    • Or Francis how to design a structure.
    • Or Jay how to coach.
    • Or Kaia how to plot.
    • Or Steph anything about managing my health.
    • A strength we could all work on is how to recognize what others have, and to ask them for advice without ego getting in the way on either side.
    • Me asking you for help or advice should not mean you’re a superior human to me, for instance.
    • The real strength is knowing you don’t know.
    • Otherwise, that’s insecurity fucking with you.
    • Fuck insecurity.
    • …
    • What in the actual fuck is going on with me?
    • These aren’t funny.
    • The pics are.
    • Go look at the pics.
    • (Now I have to go screen cap some from my Saved crap, because I haven’t done that part yet.)
    • (Sigh.)
    • “I can not save you.
    • “I can’t even save myself.
    • “So just save yourself.”
    • Still did not get around to that Hollywood rant.
    • Tomorrow!
    • Maybe.
    • Confession: I’m not sure how I’m going to go back to writing the sanitized version of these after I go back to work.
    • Also, how fucking early am I going to have to get up to write the ones for you guys?
    • Tomorrow’s problems!

  • What a Load of Crap

    What a Load of Crap

    • Might be a short one.
    • I write about cars a lot.
    • Used to love them.
    • Now I kinda hate them.
    • Which started with the Mini.
    • The car that put me in a massive debt hole.
    • I’m still paying for repairs on that car.
    • I haven’t owned it since 2018.
    • Traded it for the Subaru, which has been a pretty good car.
    • At least until February.
    • Took it in for a tune-up after the trip to the Mayo.
    • The tune-up resulted in the engine blowing.
    • I left out some mechanic trips in the middle, but, ah, there you go.
    • I finally got it back last Friday.
    • Had not visibly seen it since March.
    • This morning, I started it to go to my infusion clinic visit at St. Francis.
    • Check Engine light.
    • GFD.
    • I shut it off, went back in the house and got Steph’s keys, drove the Pilot to the appt.
    • On the way, someone turned out in front of me, close enough I had to lock up the brakes to not hit them.
    • I honked.
    • They stopped their car in the road in front of me, rolled down their window, and flipped me off.
    • What in the fuck is the matter with people?
    • Especially driving.
    • Selfishness?
    • Complete lack of road awareness?
    • I had to tell the nurse not to take my blood pressure for a while.
    • Now I … don’t want to write.
    • I’m doing it anyway.
    • Because habits don’t do themselves.
    • Is it hard for everyone to pull out of a bad mood nosedive?
    • Is that just me?
    • Could be just me.
    • Systemic exacerbation.
    • A bad habit of easy provocation.
    • The comfort of habitualized anger and frustration.
    • (I made up a word there, apparently.)
    • (WTFE. Shakespeare did it all the time.)
    • (Not that I’m Shakespeare.)
    • If you’re easily provoked, you’re easily manipulated.
    • Which, you know, everyone is trying to do to us these days.
    • I dislike the thought of being manipulated.
    • Another anger trigger.
    • Life’s hard, y’all.
    • NP: Metallica, “The Outlaw Torn.”
    • I know fans revolted when they released Load.
    • It fostered a time when it was not cool to be a Metallica fan.
    • I listened to that album a lot.
    • Still do.
    • (Eagerly awaiting the re-mastered edition that comes out this week.)
    • Came out the June after I graduated from OSU.
    • Some of those songs are so damn good.
    • “Bleeding Me”
    • “Hero of the Day”
    • “The Outlaw Torn”
    • Not metal.
    • So?
    • Everyone crying about them not making another Master of Puppets.
    • Braver as an artist to make what you want instead of trying to please the fans over and over again.
    • They’re making the music, not you.
    • You don’t have to like it.
    • Don’t have to listen.
    • Anyway.
    • That’s ranty.
    • The … she’s not a nurse, really, but the woman who always takes my blood pressure, when taking it the first time today (was high, obviously) asked me if I liked tools.
    • “What?”
    • “Your shirt.”
    • “Oooh. No that’s one of my bands.”
    • “What?”
    • “Tool. They’re a band.”
    • “There’s a band named Tool?”
    • She’s older. I could see her not knowing.
    • But then, the nurse re-doing my dressing, and younger than me, said, “Oh, I did not know that either.”
    • …
    • I mean, put me in the home already I guess?
    • Goddammit.
    • You know what?
    • I don’t care.
    • Embrace the aging.
    • Do not go gentle, right?
    • (I’m going to beat that dead horse. It’s part of the tattoo plan, which Steph added to recently.)
    • (More excitement. I just have to talk the hematologist into it.)
    • Watched Sinners last night.
    • Not bad.
    • I think Jordan overacts a bit.
    • But wasn’t bad.
    • Vampires and a bit of Southern Gothic magic.
    • The end-credit scene might’ve been better than the movie.
    • Kaia dug it.
    • Wanted to talk about it when it was finished.
    • Apparently she always wants to talk about movies she likes.
    • Gotta push her to do it.
    • C’mon, kid, out with your opinions!
    • Unleash the hounds!
    • We had a good talk.
    • Even as she liked it a lot, she picked it to pieces.
    • The evaluator/critic is strong in her.
    • Proud dad moment.
    • Been a lot of those lately.
    • The outline for her … fan-fiction epic is like 90-pages long?
    • Not going to get hung up on what comes next when she’s writing.
    • We’ve had a lot of creative progress around here lately.
    • Don’t want to talk about the no-hitter much.
    • Strange things are afoot …
    • Discord thing of the week so far: “We don’t trust those who don’t think in movie quotes.”
    • I will get back on that horse.
    • Your life would be shit without creatives doing what they do.
    • They should be paid properly and accorded the credit they deserve.
    • That’s a List Motif, btw, since a lot of you are newish and playing the home game.
    • Do not take art in any form for granted.
    • It’s hard to create, no matter the form.
    • It enriches our lives.
    • Makes them bearable.
    • Better.
    • It should be celebrated, and creators rewarded.
    • If we’re not doing that …
    • I’m out.
    • Have the Tuesday you deserve.

    And I still haven’t written about Hollywood being creatively chickenshit … Sigh. Still on the TBW list.

  • “… In a Burger King Bathroom …”

    “… In a Burger King Bathroom …”

    • So this happened.
    • Made sliders for dinner on the griddle.
    • Retired to the tv room.
    • We have one of those L-shaped sectionals.
    • The kid occupies the corner.
    • She’s the “corner troll.”
    • She’s working on the plot and structure of her fan fiction novel.
    • Steph took one side, feet facing the kid, and surfing whatever app she surfs when she’s on her phone.
    • Some cursed Meta product probably.
    • I have no idea.
    • I think she was surfin’ the ‘gram.
    • A snippet of “Wild Thing” blared out.
    • It wasn’t Tone.
    • Someone’s modern redo.
    • I found the original on Spotify.
    • Because sometimes, when you hear a snippet, it demands the real thing.
    • Know what I mean?
    • And then I played Biz’s “Just a Friend.”
    • And then … well, we’ll see. It’s still happening. I’m writing it past tense, but as it is happening.
    • (Narrative time travel is a common occurrence in the safe-for-work List.)
    • Kaia said, “Is it almost over?”
    • I gotta do Young MC next.
    • And then maybe Too Short (“Life is …”
    • Maybe some Kool Moe Dee (“Wild Wild West”)
    • LL Cool J (“Going Back to Kali”)
    • Run DMC (“It’s Tricky”)
    • Sir Mix-A-Lot (“Posse on Broadway”)
    • Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock!! (“It Takes Two”)
    • Digital Underground (“Humpty Dance”)
    • N.W.A. (“Straight Outta Compton”)
    • Ict T (“Colors”)
    • Public Enemy! (“Fight the Power”)
    • I put in my earbuds after Biz.
    • I mean, damn, “Humpty Dance” still slays.
    • That bassline. So good.
    • Even on the ear pods.
    • I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice.
    • Heh.
    • Man, rappers were not shy about rapping about sex, were they?
    • I thought my childhood was a bastion of prudish censorship.
    • PMRC, right?
    • We Did have Two Live Crew, though, and my memory is for shit.
    • DEAR LORT, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
    • The right earbud just stopped playing sound.
    • (Insert Darth Vader’s “Noooooooo” soundbite here.)
    • I have troubleshot it for 30 minutes.
    • No dice.
    • Fuck.
    • I can’t wear the Heavys because they’ll crush my not-healed skull!
    • I could go get the bone conductors, I suppose.
    • But people can hear that, and the sound is garbage compared to the Pixel buds.
    • I may be desperate.
    • Okay, I am.
    • I am desperate.
    • Nooooooooo.
    • I donned the Shokz.
    • And now “Jam on It” is playing.
    • Francis and I played the hell out of this song.
    • It’s what was available.
    • We also listened to Kraftwerk.
    • A lot.
    • But lots of early rap.
    • Hell, we played “Funky Cold Medina” in James’s LeMans just to hear the bass.
    • (Because he had a subwoofer in a box that took up half the back seat, obviously.)
    • (That song … is about dosing girls’ drinks? The hell, man.)
    • (These damn headphones have no bass.)
    • (What is the point of that?)
    • (I gotta go try the Pixel buds again … maybe they’ve had a change of status, decided to suck less.)
    • I’m screwed in the zombie apocalypse is what I’m saying.
    • You, me, and the Starbucks girl have already discussed that.
    • You couldn’t even wrap yourself in solar chargers because none of the music services would be functioning.
    • All you’d have are the songs you’ve downloaded to your device.
    • And even then, those scurvy shyster bastards probably have code that won’t let you play the music if you don’t tag into the server on occasion.
    • I do not own a discman anymore.
    • See?
    • This is what happens when you have my brain, and it did this before the tumor.
    • Why am I not playing the music through the laptop speakers?
    • Well, the sound is okay, but not great.
    • It would annoy the kid.
    • Maybe Steph, too.
    • Trying to be considerate.
    • But goddammit, I need my music.
    • Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music …
    • This is how I lose it.
    • …
    • See?
    • Not metal all the time.
    • Most the time.
    • But not all the time.
    • That Rihanna song is on a playlist.
    • Heard it today.
    • Well, yesterday.
    • It’s only today for me.
    • It’ll be yesterday for you.
    • Tomorrow, currently.
    • Yes, I hunted down an ‘80s hip-hop playlist.
    • I can’t remember all of these, but I know ‘em when I hear ‘em.
    • I know all the words to so many of these songs.
    • By heart.
    • I’m on a mission, you better just listen …
    • What the hell have I done.
    • Maybe this will be the theme of the week.
    • I’m going to bring up all the earworms from our GenX youth.
    • Maybe tomorrow tomorrow, we’ll get neck-deep in hair metal.
    • You’re safe in some regards.
    • You know I’m not wading into that pop music bullshit.
    • I only post things on Facebook to people on my Friends list.
    • I do not share with the world in that place.
    • I do on the blog, but its viewing potential is smaller.
    • Why?
    • Because I generally don’t want to deal with the bots, trolls, and assholes of the world.
    • I gotta get over that.
    • You don’t build an audience by catering to the one you already have.
    • I need to build a larger audience to enact pieces of The Plan.
    • Mostly targeted at GenXers and early Millennials, obviously.
    • Taking advantage of those shared life experiences and nostalgia.
    • Like, no one who wears a fucking flat-billed ballcap is going to buy into my bullshit, you know?
    • We debated with a couple about that at a pizza place once.
    • Were there for someone’s birthday.
    • Bro had one of those on.
    • Him in his flat-bill, me in my “dad cap.”
    • I thought he looked stupid.
    • That’s me being judgmental, which we talked about last week.
    • My opinion’s irrelephant.
    • You do you.
    • Have a Monday.

  • Too Old. Too Old to Begin the Training.

    Too Old. Too Old to Begin the Training.

    • Time.
    • More often than not, when I’m writing these things, one thought naturally comes after another.
    • However, that means a lot of the time, I don’t end up talking about the originating idea.
    • I mentioned time the other day.
    • The specter in my head.
    • Tick, tock, right?
    • Like, I feel all the time I’m running out of it.
    • Wasting it.
    • Sitting on the couch, staring at the screen on that goddamn phone, flipping past all manner of irrelevant ephemera.
    • The hell am I doing?
    • If I don’t get the book finished now, it’s going to be too late.
    • Why am I not spending every available moment writing the book?
    • Because fear and anxiety are monsters, that’s why.
    • Life requires daily bravery.
    • Stepping up to punch your demons in the face on the regular.
    • Most people don’t have it in them, I don’t think.
    • The comfort of normal is an Odyssean siren’s call.
    • The devil you know speaks inactivity into your mind, all the time.
    • The evils of comfort.
    • Growth sprouts from activity and change.
    • Inactivity does stuff like throw your back out, which happened to me this morning as I dug through a drawer looking for my Last Crusade blu-ray, which apparently I don’t actually own.
    • I was damn sure I had the trilogy on disc.
    • Apparently not?
    • The hell.
    • Screw your subscriptions!
    • ….
    • Where the hell was I?
    • The anxious brain is a curse, is what I’m saying.
    • And time is your most valuable resource.
    • Not money.
    • And yet we let other people determine the value of our hours.
    • Some bullshit right there.
    • Do not go gentle.
    • All morning I’ve been in the Discord chatting.
    • Hours of good stuff, honestly.
    • We had conversations about books, careers, sports, movies, video games (and the lack of playing), and poor people food.
    • A lot of us grew up poorish, so we ate things our parents’ income could afford.
    • Like Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese.
    • Or bologna and American cheese sandwiches.
    • And cheap chips.
    • Guys.
    • Most of you know what I’m talking about.
    • Childhood comfort food.
    • Then there’s “cockamamie.”
    • Blame Upton for that one, but we did get Jerm’s art out of that deal.
    • I know, I know.
    • You’re lacking context.
    • This is the other part of the introversion conversation I started the other day.
    • Just because you’re introverted does not mean you don’t need people.
    • Kinda?
    • Maybe it’s just me.
    • But between reconnecting with a bunch of my high school crew, writing these lists to foster and create community, and the Discord server, I’m better understanding the need for connection with people.
    • Talking to you people, even with the cyber-arms distance of all this, has been kind of invigorating?
    • Only because I know you.
    • But still.
    • I enjoy talking about things I’m into, you know?
    • And also having those conversations about shared experiences, and differing perspectives.
    • That was kinda the part I enjoyed as a journalist.
    • The learning about other people and not having to share.
    • Again, I know.
    • The fuck do I think I’m doing here if not sharing?
    • Ah, there’s that swearing part again.
    • It is a sign of intelligence.
    • I have read the research on that.
    • Because, you know, confirmation bias.
    • But the research does confirm it.
    • Fuckin a right it does.
    • Heh.
    • These Black Lists are less about fun, aren’t they?
    • Jerm did remind me Last Crusade was on Disney+, so it’s playing quietly.
    • “I didn’t trust her. Why did you?”
    • I have several questions for you today.
    • Like, what would it take to make a mini-city populated by “our” people as we get closer to retirement?
    • Sure, it would be a Venn diagram, because we all have people outside of here, you know?
    • But … how cool would that be?
    • I always read about those tiny house compounds of friend groups.
    • And, you know, actual compounds built around abandoned missile silos.
    • How do we craft lives more like what we actually want?
    • Second question, and this one’s right out of the Discord server … if you could have the power of one of Marvel’s mutants, which would it be?
    • I’d have to do a list.
    • This, but if not this, then that.
    • 1) Wolverine’s healing factor
    • 2) Nightcrawler’s teleportation
    • 3) Forge’s ability to invent and build anything
    • 4) All of Longshot’s powers, but especially his “good luck”
    • I don’t want any of that mind-reading stuff.
    • Though Jean’s telekinesis would be badass.
    • And Psylocke’s psychic katana …
    • But, you know, that has limited use in our world because you can’t run around killing people, you know?
    • Not yet.
    • We’ll see how this ICE bullshit plays out.
    • Goddamn nazis running our country.
    • I mean, the fucking Proud Boys are suing the govt for $100m for … what? Because they’re playing into the bullshit that they did NOT try to pull off an insurrection?
    • …
    • They did.
    • That happened.
    • Do not believe the revisionist agenda.
    • I mean, wtaf.
    • All those motherfuckers should still be in prison.
    • And, btw, Hitler did the exact same thing when he took power.
    • Learn from history, or suffer the consequences of repeating it.
    • Not where I meant to go today.
    • Heh.
    • Like I said, the Stream has a mind of its own.
    • You’d fix things like this on the second draft, but … we don’t do that here.
    • I barely go back and edit.
    • These could be better, is what I’m saying.
    • And this one’s long.
    • (I thought about editing out the “political” rant but screw it. There are things happening we cannot let become normal. And yet … )
    • I actually meant to rant about movies, specifically Hollywood’s chickenshit tendency to do remakes instead of original films.
    • I have a cool meme to go with that.
    • A good quote from Ursula.
    • Or Margaret.
    • Tomorrow I guess.
    • (Predicting a low reader turn out today. I can’t write about the brain thing all the time. There are other things going on up there.)
    • Heh.
    • High five.

  • Might Be the Wrong Audience for This One

    Might Be the Wrong Audience for This One

    • Been a day.
    • 3 o’clock and I’m only now getting to type.
    • Tick, tock, mfers.
    • I think about time incessantly.
    • Post surgery, sitting there in that bed trying to get my wits about me, I had an awakening.
    • Paradigm shift, if I’m using some of that fancy self-help vernacular.
    • But it did happen.
    • The past three years, if I’m being honest, have been a deep, dark hole.
    • I had reduced my timeline from 20ish more years to five, 10 if I was lucky.
    • I thought a lot about leaving the kid unready to face the world.
    • Of not being here for my tiny family.
    • The hurt.
    • The loss.
    • And no small amount of fear of my own.
    • When the Mayo can’t give you an answer, it seems dire.
    • Hard not to feel the weight of uncertainty.
    • Hard not to let it feel imminent.
    • If you have never had chronic pain, you have no idea what it takes from you.
    • The amount of energy needed to function.
    • The world expects you to carry on.
    • Yeah, you hurt.
    • Tough shit.
    • Go to work.
    • You are only worth your work.
    • Produce, plebe.
    • Again, the toll.
    • I’m not trolling for empathy here.
    • I don’t talk about this shit.
    • Did not really talk about it to anyone, other than the basics.
    • There’s a thing.
    • It hurts.
    • They don’t know what it is.
    • Tick tock.
    • It’s like the scene in Krull when the wizard takes the sand from the hourglass to escape the spider’s web.
    • (Stay with me. I know we’re still on the week’s darker path, but there is light …)
    • Had the MRI on Monday.
    • Talked to the Mayo docs yesterday.
    • Everything is shrinking.
    • The antibiotics are working.
    • They’ve ruled out cancer.
    • They no longer think it’s auto-immune.
    • They think I’ve had a years long infection that got into my brain.
    • Might be one of those situations where I had one infection that allowed another to flourish.
    • But my Neuro Immunologist was geeked out about the MRI.
    • We had a super positive conversation.
    • Three more weeks on the antibiotics.
    • Another MRI.
    • But … OMG hope?
    • I dislike hope.
    • Moderation.
    • We’re not there yet.
    • But the way out seems through.
    • I don’t even know what to do with this, honestly.
    • I’m still sorta on house arrest.
    • Three more weeks with the PICC.
    • The skull’s still not quite there.
    • Clicky.
    • Breathe.
    • I mean, I might have a wicked scar, but in mere months, I might have a normal life back.
    • Holy shit.
    • Which brings me back to that paradigm shift.
    • I’m done letting other people control my future.
    • Sitting here letting someone decide what I do day-to-day.
    • What I get to make.
    • How far I get to go in my “career.”
    • Done with it.
    • Time’s a wasting.
    • It’s going to be hard, to keep from reverting to old patterns and habits.
    • However, like Agent Smith, I must get out of this place.
    • Why do we do this?
    • Why do we agree to it?
    • I know my why.
    • Do you know yours?
    • Financial insecurity based on how I grew up.
    • Too long has it dominated my decision matrix.
    • No more.
    • Won’t be easy, but you know what else I’ve learned through all this?
    • Hard ain’t no thing.
    • I beat shit I shouldn’t all the time.
    • I’m betting you do, too.
    • And honestly, I’m too smart and too good for what I’ve settled.
    • I know how arrogant that sounded.
    • I dgaf anymore.
    • And I’m bringing anyone with me who wants to come.
    • I’ve shortchanged myself, and that shit is changing.
    • I can’t believe I’m typing any of this, honestly.
    • I’ve been going to work for three years with a brain tumor and winning awards.
    • The hell, man.
    • That sentence is insanity.
    • What are we capable of with no obstacles?
    • What can we do when we’re encouraged and impassioned?
    • I’m not even high right now.
    • And there’s a goddamn Taylor Swift song playing.
    • (Not all obstacles are large.)
    • Sweary.
    • Again, that’s who I really am.
    • Sorry not sorry?
    • Hey, all.
    • What’s happening?
    • What’ve you got planned this weekend?
    • I’m not throwing that out there.
    • The weekend’s wide open.
    • I have stuff to do.
    • Some of it’s even fun.
    • Plans to make.
    • People to talk to.
    • Ah.
    • That was the normal subject matter I wanted to hit.
    • That whole introvert/extrovert thing.
    • I’m a bit of both.
    • Totally introverted around people I don’t know.
    • Like working a room?
    • Forget about it.
    • I do, however, deal with my awkwardness with random conversations.
    • I’m not introverted at all around people I know.
    • Quite the opposite.
    • A good side effect of the awkward compensation activity … I do not treat people bad in public ever.
    • I’m talking cashiers, waiters, hostesses, the mail dudes, FedEx.
    • I go out of my way to be nice.
    • And it pisses me off when I see others being rude, impatient, mean, and inconsiderate to them.
    • (Idealist, remember?)
    • Like, honestly, the fuck is your problem?
    • You have no idea what they’re going through.
    • You’re not better than anyone else.
    • You have no idea how much good fortune has shaped your reality.
    • That’s also at the root of the perspective shift.
    • Be better than you yesterday.
    • Stop comparing yourself to other people to measure your progress or self-worth.
    • Empathy for yourself, empathy for others.
    • With that, you can change the world.
    • Yours and everyone else’s.
    • Happy to be here.
    • Happy you’re all here.
    • Thanks for being part of my life.
    • Make your weekend count.
    • Out.
  • Layin’ it Down

    Layin’ it Down

    • Now Playing: The Pixies, “Where is my mind?”
    • I still have the “Liked Songs” playlist rolling.
    • Theme of the week I guess.
    • A leitmotif of sorts.
    • I stuck my earbuds in, said, “I gotta have music while I write, so … wave at me.”
    • Steph might’ve rolled her eyes.
    • I write these from the couch with my cup of coffee, laptop on a lapboard, “computer glasses” perched on my nose.
    • And right now, the Pixies asking, “where is my mind?”
    • I can tell you, it’s trying to avoid writing another ranting manifesto.
    • I could do one about work and our lives of indentured servitude, but I’ve been doing that one since like year 2000.
    • True story.
    • We have a broad array of music taste in the Discord server.
    • They’re in there talking about jam bands.
    • Never my thing.
    • I’m glad it exists and makes some people happy, however.
    • Based on what I wrote yesterday, I’m reevaluating my judgmentalism.
    • To each their own, right?
    • That’s a life-guiding philosophy.
    • You can dislike a thing and not …
    • Hell, I’m never going to be able to give country music a pass.
    • Or those giant goddamn trucks.
    • Ahhhhhh.
    • Life is hard, y’all.
    • What I’m saying is that judgment is inherent to our beings, maybe?
    • What you do with it, however, is what sets you apart, good and bad.
    • “I don’t know. I’m making it up as I go.”
    • That’s probably my real mantra.
    • I can’t pull off the fedora, however.
    • NP: Audioslave, “Cochise.”
    • Holy hell, I LOVE the opening of that song.
    • OSU did one of their first pre-game videos to that song.
    • Made me want to suit up and flying tackle someone.
    • (I actually worked for the athletic department when they got the first video boards in Boone Pickens.)
    • I actually spent three hours interviewing Boone for the cover story for POSSE mag.
    • We sat in the kitchen of his … house at Karsten Creek.
    • They’ve been milking pieces of that interview for years.
    • Guy told good stories.
    • Had charisma.
    • I actually got to go to his ranch with the athletic department.
    • Holy hell, man.
    • He had a … hotel for guests, and then you drove 20 minutes to his house, which had a roman aqueduct, a wine cave, and glass floor where you could watch the water from the aqueduct flow into the 15-foot deep koi ponds that formed a terrace in the … back yard?
    • Got to trap shoot while we were there.
    • I’d never shot a shotgun before, but I hit more shots than anyone.
    • All that FPS Halo training.
    • Shoulder was bruised to hell.
    • Worth it.
    • I like shooting.
    • Always have.
    • There are some things you can’t avoid growing up in Oklahoma, I guess.
    • How did I become a half a step from being ANTIFA living here?
    • Blame college, right?
    • Made me woke?
    • /eye_roll
    • I’ve mentioned this before, but I write these lists for a couple of reasons.
    • First, compulsion.
    • Second, community.
    • Third, to give you people something to read that’s not algorithmic bullshit.
    • I’m repeating myself.
    • I still believe in the submerged power of the Internet to connect people instead of dividing them.
    • (Playlist just went from Rusted Root to Tool.)
    • (Awwww yisssss).
    • Like, for instance, while I’m typing, I’m talking to my friends about coffee.
    • Jay said, “Pray for me, guys. I’m having to drink Keurig coffee at work. I apparently didn’t consume enough of the good stuff back at the house.”
    • And then we got into the whole coffee debate.
    • I’ll drink shitty coffee when I have to.
    • But … “I get the gourmet shit because I want to taste it.”
    • I don’t drink black coffee yet, but when I do, I like espresso blends.
    • DID YOU KNOW … contrary to popular belief, a good espresso blend is less bitter than a lighter roast?
    • Not if you’re buying that Starbucks shit at the store.
    • I have to be careful here.
    • I have opinions, but not enough concrete data to back it up.
    • We have a coffee subscription.
    • (Until the tariffs and economy crash take it away, anyway.)
    • Trade Coffee.
    • We’ve had some spectacular beans from there.
    • Squirrel!
    • What I love about modern tech is its ability to keep you connected.
    • The whole coffee conversation with the guys.
    • The Discord server.
    • All manner of group text threads.
    • Facebook messages.
    • The direct stuff.
    • Community is key to longevity.
    • That and lifting weights.
    • Which I’m dying to get back to btw.
    • My Oura ring telling me I’m a year older than my age …
    • Fuck you, ring.
    • I was younger before the surgery.
    • I cannot abide this sedentary nonsense while doing the meds!
    • Sigh.
    • I’ve got virtual Mayo appts today to determine the course of things.
    • Keep your fingers crossed.
    • We know things are working, mind you.
    • We just don’t know what else they want to do.
    • Anyway.
    • Not a cry for sympathy.
    • I don’t do that.
    • DO NOT GO GENTLE.
    • NP: Anthrax, “Crush.”
    • Don’t think all I have on this playlist is metal, because it is sure not true.
    • Charlie’s drums in “Crush” are amazing, btw.
    • Anthrax is so much better than Megadeth.
    • Dave can suck it.
    • (Not our Dave. Dave Mustain.)
    • (Who’s still crying about being kicked out of Metallica 40+ years later.)
    • NP: Ratt, “Lay it Down.”
    • What the hell.
    • I really clicked Like on that song?
    • …
    • No accounting for taste, I guess.
    • Not even mine.
    • Remember, don’t listen to me.
    • You do you.
    • Out!
  • Inflammatory Response

    Inflammatory Response

    • Now playing: Killswitch Engage, “Holy Diver.”
    • No, I’m not doing the music thing again today.
    • Probably.
    • Today’s going to be … pokey.
    • As in, I’m going to poke you all with sticks.
    • Some of you, anyway.
    • Let’s talk Pride month.
    • Distilled down to its most basic …
    • It’s none of your business.
    • If someone is gay, that’s none of your business.
    • They should be free to be who they are and free of any judgment from anyone else.
    • They should be free to just live.
    • It should not be an issue.
    • Not a topic of conversation.
    • Sure as hell not a topic of persecution.
    • Are they free or not?
    • Are they free to live their lives according to their pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness?
    • Because if they are not, then this American freedom is horseshit.
    • I get it.
    • Some book says something.
    • That’s another freedom.
    • Read your book.
    • Follow your religion.
    • If you’re Christian, you’re not persecuted.
    • That’s propaganda.
    • You’re the majority in this country.
    • But again, freedom, right?
    • You have the freedom to believe what you believe.
    • Extend that to others.
    • Assume people aren’t going to see things the way you do.
    • Believe the way you do.
    • Freedom is freedom, right?
    • That means freedom to not be like you.
    • To disagree.
    • What it does not mean is that you have the right to establish laws that demand everyone believe and act like you.
    • Freedom is that, or this is all a big load of crap.
    • Someone being gay or trans or bi or atheist has literally no effect on your life.
    • So shut the fuck up about it, do your own thing, and let them do theirs.
    • Because, again, it’s none of your business.
    • The golden rule is all you need.
    • Be good.
    • Be moral.
    • Do right by others and yourself.
    • Do the good thing.
    • Have empathy.
    • Work toward understanding.
    • Dammit, man, why is this hard?
    • You know what the right thing is in every situation.
    • Do that.
    • And if you don’t, maybe we need to have some empathy and morality training.
    • Some logic classes (I took those in college).
    • I hope this comes off as shaming.
    • Because partly it is.
    • Believe what you want, but you do not get to force it upon other people.
    • College classes aren’t “woke,” btw.
    • Professors aren’t up there preaching, doing lessons on DEI.
    • Those of you who went, you remember a single class like that?
    • Classes were on subject all the time.
    • Again, enough with the goddamn propaganda.
    • ENOUGH.
    • Freedom means free, or it’s a fucking lie.
    • What’s it going to be?
    • Pride month exists because they are persecuted in modern society.
    • They’re fighting for normalcy and acceptance.
    • They should not have to.
    • Pretty simple.
    • And don’t get me started about the economic realities of life in modern America.
    • We buy into so much bullshit.
    • Okay.
    • Done.
    • I didn’t wake up cranky, mind you.
    • This is exasperation.
    • For fuck’s sake, people.
    • I only get to write this because I’m a middle-class white guy.
    • Privilege.
    • Mansplaining.
    • This isn’t even mine to defend.
    • If you make the argument that “they need to quit pushing it in my face,” you maybe need to consider it from the other side, the one that reflects you and not them, and that’s pushed in their faces every day, telling them they are not normal or wrong or whatever.
    • Imagine that’s your day-to-day reality.
    • Shit is not fair or equal, and it’s going to take work to make it so.
    • That is sure as hell not happening currently.
    • Anything I write from here to the end no one’s going to remember.
    • I re-subbed to Wired.
    • Back when that mag launched in the ‘90s, it was the journalistic bastion of tech and cyberpunk.
    • It was Rolling Stone for nerds.
    • I loved it so much.
    • Fantastic writing, great stories, beautiful design.
    • The Letter from the Editor in the most recent issue, “Rogue Nation,” is fantastic.
    • I kinda geeked out reading it.
    • Like, “YES!”
    • “So be the rogue you want to see in the world, and know that WIRED, with every ounce of rebel spirit in our DNA, will be right there with you.” – Katie Drummond, Global Editorial Director
    • Honestly, reading the issue makes me want to be a journalist again.
    • I bailed on that career path as fast as I could.
    • My first two jobs were $15k/year.
    • It took forever to get out of the $40ks as it was.
    • Journalism isn’t vanishing because it’s not valuable, but because it’s not profitable.
    • …
    • F.
    • That’s another soapbox.
    • Can’t do two in one day.
    • Vollertsen called me an idealist.
    • It’s true.
    • This angry façade I carry?
    • I see so much dumb shit going on in the world.
    • It makes me insane.
    • We do every bad thing to ourselves.
    • Two dark lists in one week.
    • Then again, this isn’t work.
    • This is The Black List.
    • My anger and frustration covers the fact I’m an accepting, loving person.
    • I care about people.
    • The anger’s armor.
    • Self-defense.
    • Because I’m vulnerable.
    • Pretty much always.
    • There’s my deep admission for the day.
    • We all are on some level.
    • Or we’re all delusional.
    • Which is another form of self-defense.
    • Where’s that leave us?
    • Love your people.
    • Let others love theirs.
    • Work on getting along or leaving them alone.
    • Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self?
    • Think about it before we start arguing, k?
    • Love you all.
    • Thanks for reading.

  • Recalibration Ride-A-Long

    Recalibration Ride-A-Long

    • It occurred to me this morning I did not listen to any music when writing yesterday’s odd, perhaps demoralizing List.
    • Remedying that today.
    • Hit play on my “Liked Songs” in Spotify.
    • Just after clicking the shuffle button.
    • Obviously.
    • First up, Machine Head’s cover of Maiden’s “Hallowed Be Thy Name.”
    • Fantastic cover.
    • Metal that shit up.
    • Maiden’s never struck me as a metal band, really.
    • I’m not sure what they are.
    • Iron Maiden, I guess?
    • No one sounds like them.
    • Almost all their songs contain a narrative, which is cool because I’m not sure a lot of modern music does?
    • (I have nothing to support that claim.)
    • Btw, the denizens of the Discord made up a new word this morning: buttcry.
    • Which was supposed to be “buttery.”
    • “This is what it sounds like when buttcry.”
    • Anyway.
    • Iron Maiden.
    • I did not listen to them at all for like four years after going to their Tulsa show at the BOK.
    • For one, at the time, I thought they were too loud (when really, it was my faulty ears).
    • For another, they played mostly new stuff, which I thought sucked.
    • I wanted to hear the hits.
    • Lately, however, lots of Maiden in the rotation.
    • I have been playing Seventh Son of a Seventh Son and Number of the Beast (albums) during gaming sessions.
    • I know, I know.
    • If you don’t like Maiden, you dgaf.
    • Got it.
    • We watched the first two episodes of Dept. Q on Netflix.
    • “By the guy who did The Queen’s Gambit.”
    • Sold.
    • Dept. Q is good stuff.
    • Like it a lot so far.
    • Again, character’s the thing.
    • It’s full of good ones.
    • And it’s gorgeous.
    • Music interlude: NP – “Beat the Devil’s Tattoo,” Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
    • And then because I typed some other stuff first: (cover) “Where is My Mind,” Maxence Cyrin
    • “Got the Time,” Anthrax (also a cover, but I can’t remember the originating band’s name)
    • Damn, I love that song.
    • Was released my senior year of high school.
    • I remember trying to get the people in the car to listen to it on our way back from a student council thing in Edmond.
    • “No such thing as tomorrooooowwww …”
    • I write about music all the time.
    • I can’t live without it.
    • That guitar thing I mentioned a couple weeks ago.
    • Bucket list skills.
    • Gonna do that.
    • Hell, James was over here Friday night doodling around on the Fender we got the kid a couple years ago and I had to stifle a bit of jealousy.
    • What is it that keeps us from doing the things we’re interested in?
    • That we want to do?
    • Goddamn phone.
    • It’s not just that, however.
    • Not the phone at all, really.
    • All our speedbumps are internal.
    • NP: Moby, “Flower.”
    • Man, that Moby album had a shitload of good songs on it.
    • They’re still good, btw.
    • Might want to revisit that one.
    • (Having an a.d.d. kinda day.)
    • What I was saying is Music has a monumental impact on my mood.
    • Would you rather go blind or deaf?
    • Oof.
    • Neither.
    • NP: Spiritbox, “Circle with Me.”
    • (Nice bassline in this song.)
    • (Actually, this song is cool af.)
    • I’m not trying to convert anyone.
    • If you’re not into metal by now …
    • You do you, man.
    • In this world of “influencers …”
    • I got my first-ever writing gig back in college as a columnist for the O’Colly.
    • No joke, I wanted to be Dave Barry.
    • That led me into journalism and creative writing as degrees.
    • “Wait. I can do this for a living?”
    • (Yeah, kinda. You gonna be po’, kid, but yes, technically, you can write for a living.)
    • My question now … what’s a modern-day columnist?
    • Are they the “influencers?”
    • These lists are columns.
    • Format is jacked, but … your attention spans have been abbreviated. Amputated?
    • And I’m bludgeoning you with music today.
    • Books tomorrow.
    • Streaming shows and movies.
    • NP: Killswitch Engage, “My Curse.”
    • (Brother can SING.)
    • Does GenX give af about influencers?
    • I ask for market research purposes.
    • (Coming soon to an Internet near you.)
    • For real though.
    • Who do you read/listen to (not music) and why?
    • (I have no one I follow consistently.)
    • (I’m not exaggerating when I beat the “no heroes” drum.)
    • Okay, the riff is the thing.
    • I love a great metal riff.
    • LOVE IT.
    • Sure, it has to have good around it.
    • Great bass. Great drumming.
    • But something about that metal guitar sound …
    • Better than a pocket full of sunshine, I tell you.
    • Also, it’s not just about the riffs. Or Metal.
    • Beautiful solos.
    • Like the last one in Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb,” or the last one in Maiden’s “Wasted Years,” (which is one of my favorite songs ever, btw. Holy shit, so good.)
    • NP: Anthrax, “Intro to Reality,” which is an instrumental.
    • I’m typing on the couch listening to this song, bobbing my head, feeling … happy and satisfied.
    • Sure, the specter of work looms, but the tunes and typing are keeping it at bay.
    • NP: NIN, “Eraser (Denial: Realization)”
    • Here comes the riff …
    • I’m not apologizing for the weirdness of the list.
    • It’s a playlist ride-a-long.
    • Music: keeping the outside world, and the nonsense in my head (literally and figuratively), away.
    • NP: Pixies, “Where is My Mind.”
    • Great place to stop.
    • I’ll see you tomorrow.
    • Do not go gentle.

  • MFing Mondays

    MFing Mondays

    • I have done gummies once.
    • When Brad visited a year ago.
    • Was fun, actually.
    • Have not since.
    • Do not want to do that with my kid in the house, for one.
    • For another, I did not sleep worth a damn after.
    • Prior to that, only alcohol.
    • Never wanted to experiment with drugs.
    • Just Say No worked on me.
    • And other negative substance abuse influences in my life.
    • You go one of two ways with that kind of thing.
    • I bring this up because … Had an MRI this morning.
    • I can’t do MRIs without having valium.
    • Panic attacks ensue.
    • Hell, I had a panic attack while ON a valium during an MRI once.
    • I never thought I was claustrophobic, but … maybe?
    • Anyway, we’re still riding the valium wave.
    • A bit.
    • They don’t tend to stay with me very long.
    • Two hours, tops.
    • I started having panic attacks when the kid was about nine months old.
    • If you’ve never had one, I hope you don’t.
    • Because it feels like you’re dying.
    • When they first started, my doc gave me a script for Xanax.
    • First time I took one of those, I understood how people became addicted to drugs.
    • That was the most relaxed I have ever been in my entire life, before or since.
    • Peace and mindfulness in a pill.
    • In the course of all this medical drama, I’ve had Oxy.
    • Does nothing for me.
    • Not any better than Tylenol.
    • Xanax did not cure my panic attacks, btw.
    • Nor did buspirone.
    • Kali and JKD did.
    • Martial arts.
    • I can’t adequately explain the level of emotional confidence and control martial arts gave me.
    • Granted, I was training five days a week, but still.
    • How much of anxiety comes from feeling unsafe?
    • And how much of our coping mechanisms are based around control?
    • You control nothing but yourself.
    • Focus on you.
    • Monday morning MRI.
    • This is what you get.
    • I gotta say, having a PICC has been fantastic for labwork.
    • I haven’t gotten stuck since leaving the Mayo.
    • Annoying to have, but … advantages!
    • Pockets of sunshine!
    • Every time I leave the house, I think about how my skull has not healed shut yet.
    • Like, now would be the worst time to have a car accident, know what I’m sayin’?
    • Would my brains spill out?
    • Started today thinking it might be fun to write a chemically influenced list.
    • It’s not.
    • It’s just whining about medical crap.
    • Everyone have a good weekend?
    • Mine was D&D dominated.
    • Friday and Sunday nights.
    • DMing is stressful.
    • You have to build a story that will be compelling and fun.
    • And you have to be ready to toss it out the window when they do something you did not plan for, which is literally every session.
    • Great for improv development.
    • And storytelling.
    • Should translate to book writing.
    • But man, your head has to be in it.
    • Looking at people and reading the room.
    • Oof.
    • Under pressure.
    • I did have that Old Fashioned finally.
    • Awwww yisssss.
    • Just one.
    • Moderation.
    • You see that study that reported how many parents in America have an alcohol problem?
    • Sigh.
    • At work, writing these, I have a mandate to entertain and uplift.
    • This would not be that, would it?
    • Nothing funny here.
    • Bah.
    • You’re watching Murderbot, right?
    • You have AppleTV, right?
    • Of all the streaming services, they’re making the best content.
    • There’s not a ton of it, but it’s almost all good.
    • And they are definitely the standard bearers for modern sci-fi shows.
    • They’re making Neuromancer.
    • Holy F I cannot wait for that.
    • Amazon did a great job with The Peripheral.
    • Lameass to have cancelled it.
    • But yeah, Murderbot.
    • Read those books while you’re at it
    • I started Sunrise on the Reaping over the weekend.
    • The actual print book.
    • I haven’t read a printed book in more than a year because of all this eye bullshit.
    • Book’s pretty good so far.
    • Talked to Kaia about it.
    • Her take is that the writing is okay, but the story’s good.
    • So I asked her what books had her favorite prose:
    • Gallant
    • Song of Achilles
    • We are All So Good at Smiling
    • I’ve read one of those (Song of Achilles).
    • She’s not wrong on that one for sure.
    • And V.E. Schwab usually writes good stuff (Gallant).
    • I think that Smiling is verse?
    • A whole novel written as a poem?
    • Holy crap.
    • Steph just asked Kaia and me what our favorite literary devices were.
    • I had to have a definition to answer.
    • Stuff like metaphor, foreshadowing, etc.
    • Been a long time since I had a lit class.
    • Oooh, that stuff.
    • I’m not answering here, but it made me think of Hemingway.
    • That story I love of his, “Hills like White Elephants.”
    • On the surface, it’s about a couple waiting at a train station.
    • They talk.
    • There’re implied things.
    • The story itself is about an abortion, but that’s never said, never once stated.
    • It is brilliant.
    • I wonder if the kids of today could even pick up on any of it.
    • Everything has to be explained.
    • Effing over exposition.
    • It is on you to delve deeper, to think critically.
    • You can’t have control of anything if you understand nothing.
    • You can’t ascend if you can’t think for yourself.
    • Motherfucking Monday.
    • I gotta quit.
    • I’ll see you tomorrow.