• Judging by the Hole in the Satellite Picture

    ​

    • The other day, I remembered how when I was a little kid, if I didn’t know how something worked or what it was, I’d just make up my own explanation.
    • Like, clearly, the Space Center there off the BA & I-44 had something to do with NASA.
    • How could it not?
    • As a grown up, I think I’ve come to believe that other grown-ups still do that, and I find that horrifying.
    • Like you become so sure of the conclusion you’ve drawn you forget you made it up.
    • I assume all children do that.
    • Which is another made-up answer, really.
    • I mean, do they?
    • Was that just me?
    • Wasn’t just me, right guys?
    • …
    • …
    • I asked the girls about this last night.
    • Apparently, it’s just me.
    • You know what I have stuck in my head this morning?
    • “Soooooomebody once told me, the world was gonna roll me …”
    • It’s there because, despite knowing better, I looked at my phone this morning, which was on Instagram from last night.
    • And there was a video of a girl on a skateboard.
    • As soon as I heard those opening notes, I knew what was coming,
    • She hit the curb, landed on her head in perfect time.
    • Sat up rubbing her noggin, looking a bit disoriented.
    • I laughed.
    • There’s probably a special place in purgatory for people who laugh at other people’s videos of misfortune.
    • I’m going to have to actually play that song to clear the feed, otherwise I’m going to hear “Soooooomebody once told me” over and over again all morning.
    • The other early morning thing that happened was one of my friends in Seattle sent me a reaction video of this baby headbanging and three giant looking bearded dudes joining in.
    • It made me laugh.
    • Don’t tell anyone I laughed. It’ll ruin my rep.
    • Because of the project I’m working on, I’ve been reading more about writing lately than at any other point in my life.
    • Partly, that’s because of self-doubt. Like some part of me doesn’t think I can do it without all the expert help I can get.
    • Which is not true, but our heads are not always our friends.
    • However, I have found some really cool books by really good writers on the craft.
    • Right now, I’m reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which is brilliant.
    • Writing is hard for her also, so I relate a lot to what she says.
    • I found this book because the universe sent it to me twice, probably because I didn’t get it the first time.
    • The first time, Bird by Bird was dropped by Coach Lasso to Coach Beard, though if you didn’t know it was a book, you’d have missed it. I only later found out when I read an article about all the book references in the show.
    • The second time, it came up in this article called “Write Your D@$* Novel.”
    • I don’t believe in fate, but when something starts thematically recurring in your life, maybe you should check it out. Due diligence and all that.
    • Glad I did. Great book so far.
    • Unfortunately, that means I’m reading … four books at the same time.
    • Into Thin Air is sliding to the bottom.
    • Read The Library at Mount Char during my lunch hour yesterday, Bird by Bird for a bit after dinner while the Teenager was doing homework, and then The Atlas Six to put myself to sleep.
    • Reading is life.
    • Which brings me to this thing I’ve been thinking about.
    • In another book, about a student at a university (describing plots poorly for $500), one of his instructors opens class each time by asking the students to tell him something interesting. The most interesting fact gets some sort of reward.
    • What’s up, Wednesday. What do you have interesting for us today?
  • Mondayverse of Madness
    • I’m afraid to look at my Garmin to see how well (or in this case, poorly) I slept.
    • It’s going to look like an EKG.
    • All I know is that it’s early, I’m drinking my coffee, and as of yet, I cannot brain.
    • My eyelids felt slow to respond for at least the first hour I was awake.
    • I wonder if there’s some adrenal stimulus you could do first thing on Mondays.
    • Like, some sort of being-chased-by-an-apex-predator kind of experience that’s not actually getting chased.
    • I don’t mean instantly.
    • Give yourself 10 minutes or so.
    • We don’t want anyone having a heart attack, after all.
    • Braaaaaaains.
    • Someone told me when you stretch out a word like that, you do it on the vowel, so we’re trying that out today.
    • Sounds right.
    • Anyone watch the sportsball action last night?
    • We turned it on at halftime to relive the rap of our misspent youth.
    • I liked the part where Eminem stopped singing and you could still hear his voice.
    • You know Prince didn’t stand for that nonsense when he did the Superbowl.
    • For that matter, how in the world has Metallica not been invited to play?
    • What in the holy …
    • And speaking of that, I saw an ad for … foot masks … in my Facebook feed over the weekend.
    • They are apparently to reduce dry skin and calluses.
    • Foot. Masks.
    • Just marinate on that for awhile.
    • Also, I’m Gen X, man. I don’t think I’m the demo for … foot masks.
    • I just get a file from the garage and …
    • Stream of consciousness writing is what we do when we have writer’s block or it’s a Monday morning and there’s a list to write.
    • You just start typing whatever pops into your head, and edit it later.
    • (I’m not going to edit out the foot masks bit.)
    • (I’m also probably not going to have any deep thoughts by the end. The coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. It’s like when your fuel pump on your car is going out, and when you turn the key the starter just kicks over and over without the engine firing up.)
    • The book juggling is going fine, since you asked.
    • Reading both my Blind Date book and The Atlas Six at the same time.
    • Very different writing styles and experiences, but I’m enjoying them both a lot.
    • Which is nice.
    • Been sort of floundering in readingland lately.
    • And I’m not sure why that is.
    • I wonder (and I’ll Google it in a minute) if there’ve been any studies as to why sometimes you can’t settle down and read when that’s your norm?
    • We apparently missed the Dr. Strange trailer last night.
    • The Teenager sent me an email this morning:
    • “I watched the Multiverse of Madness trailer without you because Ruby asked me if I’d seen it and I felt very ashamed that I forgot about it.”
    • Enjoy your multiverse of madness Monday, kids.
    • These days won’t last, or something.

    *The photo above is the first paragraph from my Blind Date with a Book, The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins.

  • Gotta Keep Your Eye On Those Librarians
    • Let’s talk about my Blind Date with a Book book.
    • Our librarians gave me a book about … Librarians.
    • I mean, of course they did, right?
    • I’m giving them a hard time right now, in case it’s subtle.
    • I mean, the characters are called “librarians,” but it is very much a Gaiman-esque sort of story so far, and I’ve never heard of the author or the book.
    • The first paragraph was spectacular.
    • I’ll tell you what it is later, after I’ve read it.
    • I want to know who picked this out, and how they found it.
    • It’s like six years old!
    • But that’s the thing about a good book, right?
    • It’s not like an old TV show that gets dated (Helllo, Friends).
    • A good book is a good book forever, whereas the tv show just isn’t there for you in the same way when you revisit.
    • You can never go back to TV, but you can go back to a book.
    • If you didn’t do Blind Date with a Book, you’re missing out.
    • And I’m rubbing it in.
    • ‘Cause you could’ve signed up.
    • And there were fancy chocolates involved.
    • That I already ate.
    • Nyah.
    • Anyway, thanks librarians. (Sincerely. No hard time intended.)
    • I came across this last week, and thought it was funny, if you haven’t seen it already.
    • “1:30 p.m. Find list of the most offensive books in print and order them all with your tax dollars.” Hahahaha.
    • (And that is as close to political as I will ever be in this place.)
    • If you’re still sleeping on McSweeney’s, you’re missing out.
    • (Some of it is NSFW, mind you, so read it on your phone on your lunch hour. Or after work with vino. Not the article I linked, obvs.)
    • I need to make better use of libraries.
    • Once I could afford to buy books, I started doing that. Because when I find one I love, I need to have it accessible whenever the want arises. I needs it, the precious.
    • And then I got a Kindle.
    • I still buy paper books, hardbacks, of my favorite authors.
    • I have a whole hardback run of The Dresden Files, for instance.
    • (I’ve said as much at least a dozen times in these lists since we started.)
    • But mostly I read on my Kindle.
    • Counting samples, there are 961 books on there.
    • I don’t know how many of those I’ve read.
    • Not 961, obviously.
    • I may have a problem.
    • Next up, after my Blind Date with a Book, I’m reading The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake.
    • Well, I mean, I’m starting it.
    • If I don’t like it, I’ll bail.
    • Life’s too short to read books that don’t hook you.
    • I wonder how many times the author rewrote the opening paragraph to my Blind Date Book.
    • I just reread the first paragraph to my book, and thought, “Man. I have to rewrite that.”
    • So I just did. Real quick, knowing full well I’ll have to do it again later anyway.
    • “Second stood across the street from the House she planned to break into, and glared at it. Her sister, First, had gone into the House yesterday, and hadn’t returned. Yet. Second looked at her watch, checked the time, forgot what time she’d just seen, and turned her attention back to the House. Capital H.”
    • That’s it. That’s the newly rewritten first paragraph to my book.
    • Maybe someday, it’ll be someone’s Blind Date book.
    • How cool would that be?
    • You guys have a weekend.
  • For Whom The Bell Tolls

    (There is no Hemingway in this post.)

    • I mentioned, I think, going to Tool last week.
    • I went to Dallas, saw them with my sister and brother-in-law.
    • Was a heck of a show. Not a single unwanted song.
    • Which is always awesome.
    • How many times have you gone to a concert they played a song and you thought either, “What? This one? Ugh,” or, “What the heck is this song?”
    • Almost every one, right?
    • Not all bands can pull that off.
    • Metallica, for instance, has never let me down.
    • In fact, the answer to the “best concert I’ve ever attended” question you didn’t ask would be a Metallica show.
    • I saw them in 1989 (omg, old) at the Pavilion on the And Justice for All … tour.
    • Was the first concert I’d gone to without adults, and I can’t remember who all went other than my buddy Steve because we were the only two who stuck together.
    • Whoever handled the set-up for the Pavilion was obviously not familiar with Metallica, because they set the floor up with rows of folding metal chairs.
    • Queensryche was the opener.
    • We arrived early enough to worm our way to the first 10 or 12 rows.
    • While the opener played, the whole crowd chanted “Metallica” over and over again, which, if you’re Queensryche, had to stink.
    • Then the set-change hit and the place got restless.
    • People started pushing forward, crowding the aisles.
    • Soon as the lights went out for Metallica, the folding chairs became a sliding sea of metal foot traps.
    • You had to push to keep people off of you, fight to keep your feet from getting sucked down into the pincers of chomping chair legs.
    • We ended up standing on two chairs that had somehow managed to stay on their feet, right on the edge of the mosh pit, a promontory over a maelstrom of flailing bodies.
    • Steve kept pushing people back into the pit with his foot.
    • And Metallica played all our favorite songs while the statue of Lady Justice fell to pieces on stage.
    • Was pretty glorious, all things considered.
    • They sounded the best when I saw them at the BOK center in 2018.
    • Bunch of “old” dudes who still got it.
    • They are all a decade older than me. I use them as my “what can an X age person still do” barometer.
    • I have seen them eight or nine times.
    • I’ve lost count. Might be more than that, but not less.
    • That’s my band. I’ll go see them until they stop playing. Or the tinnitus wins.
    • I mean, I got kicked out of my ninth grade English class for wearing one of their shirts.
    • To combine age-related issues with today’s theme, which is concerts … I tested out four different kinds of ear plugs at the Tool show.
    • Flare Audio Isolates, Eargasms, Loops, and cheapo foam ear plugs.
    • My tinnitus is so bad when things get loud, all I hear is a buzz.
    • The Loops were the winners, by far. Did the best job of straddling the line between muffled and hearing, and kept the buzzing to a minimum.
    • And since I just did a product review, it’s probably time to stop.
    • Have a Wednesday.

    (Image borrowed from Getty Images; thanks, Google search!)

  • Cul-de-sac

    Cul-de-sac

    Jim didn’t trudge on his route. Trudging might indicate he didn’t enjoy his job. He loved the walking, the fresh air, the wind, sleet, rain and snow. He even didn’t really mind the dogs. Most of all, he loved the solitude and the freedom.

    He didn’t miss desks. No TPS reports. No micromanaging or awkward break room conversations. He didn’t even mind the uniform, and the bag slung across his chest with its sturdy leather strap was the best he’d ever owned.

    He smiled on the inside as he walked, headphones on, a special AI-curated Halloween playlist buzzing in his ears. Around him, the blustery wind shook the trees, streets still damp from earlier showers. There was the promise of a cool evening, the air tasted clean and crisp. Jim breathed in as much as he could, let it out in a slow, steady trickle.

    He made the corner of 55th St., deposited a small box on the Taylor’s doormat that looked like a street grate with a creepy clown beneath it. At the Redman’s, he dropped letters through the slot, along with a couple Milkbones for Fletcher, their Jack Russell who bounced up and down behind the door, intermittently peeking at him through the door’s window panes.

    Ahead of him, kids in costumes raced from porch to porch, little cabals of super heroes and monsters. He noticed they avoided the house at the end of the cul-de-sac. Mr. Smith’s house, a boring, red-brick home with weathered black shutters, black trim, and a small front porch full of cobwebs, curtains behind windows occluding any view of the inside. Never a car in the driveway, but the lawn was always mowed.

    He’d never actually seen Mr. Smith, now that he thought about it. And Mr. Smith only ever received the weekly junk mail. Never a bill. Never a letter. No postcards or packages. If anyone asked, Jim would be hard-pressed to remember ever stepping onto Mr. Smith’s porch, even to deliver the Wednesday coupons.

    Jim stopped and watched the children avoid it. They didn’t seem to discuss avoiding, but their groups skipped from the house on one side of the street straight to the other. It made him laugh, and remember Halloweens from his youth. There were always houses you skipped, always dark streets you sprinted rather than strolled.

    He trooped up a driveway, filtering the letters in his hand for the Moyers, the last house on the right before Mr. Smith’s. He dodged a gaggle of big kids in last-minute costumes before stepping onto the porch. Ms. Moyer, whom he’d shared many a superficial greeting, smiled at him. She wore a long, black sparkly dress that pooled on the ground around her feet, a tall, pointy witches’ hat on her head. She opened the door as he extended her mail.

    “That is a nice costume,” she said.

    He smiled. “Worked hard on it. Totally authentic.”

    She took her mail from his hand, replaced it with a full-sized Snickers. He smiled and nodded, thanked her.

    “Make good choices!,” she said as he walked off across her lawn, slipping the Snickers into his jacket pocket.

    As he stepped from the curb, he reached in his bag for the next batch of mail. On top was a weathered looking No. 10 envelope, corners bent, with a diagonal crease running from a top corner to the opposite bottom. Mr. Smith’s name and address were scrawled across the front, almost from one side to the other. No return address.

    Jim stopped in the middle of the street staring at the letter. He had no memory of loading it into his bag.

    “Huh,” he said, to no one in particular. He looked at the unremarkable house. Behind him, to the west, the sun had finally slipped below the horizon, turning the sky dim, transforming the trees to silhouettes, houselights to beacons of orange. The wind trashed the trees, the sound of crashing leaves almost louder than his music.

    He headed up Mr. Smith’s driveway, scooted down the sidewalk, onto the porch, and lifted the hinged lid to the mailbox, which screeched as it moved. As he stepped back, he noticed the front door open behind a glass storm door. A tall, thin man with a long, sharp nose, bright blue eyes behind round, black wire-framed glasses stood staring at him. The man’s black suit, white shirt and black tie made Jim think of a hitman, or an undertaker, maybe the owner of a bookstore. The man behind the glass smiled, of sorts. It didn’t reach his eyes or show any teeth.

    He creeped Jim out.

    The storm door pushed open. Another not smile.

    “Jim, yes?”

    Jim nodded.

    “We’re in a bit of a … predicament. Do you think you could come inside and help us?”

    The man stepped out onto the porch, holding the door open with his back, motioning Jim inside with an expansive sweep of his left arm. Jim stared at his hand, then looked back to the fake smile.

    “What sort of help do you need?”

    “I’ll explain as we go, but trust me, time is of the essence, and the safety of the world is at stake.”

    Jim exerted will to not roll his eyes, thought maybe Mr. Smith was delusional and might be in actual need of help. That or it was a heck of an elaborate Halloween prank. Despite the quiet, voice saying, “Dude, what are you doing?” in the back of his head, Jim stepped into the house.

    The man closed the door behind them.

    Jim glanced around, noticed a reddish orange glow coming from deeper in the house, but the rest of the lights were out. The air smelled of sweat and incense, and as he shuffled his feet, the scuffs echoed on the walls.

    “If you’ll come with me,” the man said, then strode toward the glow. Jim took a breath and followed. They passed through what Jim assumed was the living room, complete with and old, cold, rock fireplace and no discernible furniture. They stepped through a sliding glass door and down into a high-ceilinged, rock-walled room.

    In the middle of the space, five men sat at equal distant points around a glowing red circle. One of the men wore a brown terry cloth bathrobe. Another, what looked like graduation regalia. A third wore a blue and white Hawaiian shirt with giant hibiscuses all over it. The fourth, khakis, loafers and a muted pink polo shirt. The fifth wore a black suit, white shirt, black tie, and looked the twin of the man next to Jim. All were thin, almost gaunt, with sunken cheeks and dark eyes. They murmured together in an almost discordant chant.

    One of them, the one in the bathrobe, appeared somehow worse than the others, his skin pale, almost gray. His body shuddered as he breathed.

    In the middle of the circle stood a figure, vaguely human in shape, but its lines blurred, shifted as Jim stared at it. White eyes in a flaking black face stared at him through a soft column of pale red light.

    Jim’s brain screamed at him, gibbering like a monkey in a zoo. He took a step back. Another.

    “Jim, what do you know about magic?”

    Jim swallowed to wet his throat. “Other than it doesn’t exist?”

    The man in the suit gave the smile again. “That,” he said, and pointed to the thing in the circle, “is unimaginable evil from beyond our world. We have it contained, have had it contained, for decades. Were it to escape, our entire existence would be doomed.”

    Jim, feeling a tad steadier, nodded along.

    “We five are all that stand between it and our collective oblivion.”

    Feeling better still, Jim said, “Sure. And it looks like you’re doing a great job. I’m going to go ahead and get back to my route.”

    “Do you see the ill-looking gentleman in the bath robe?”

    Again, Jim nodded, considered himself master of witty repartee.

    “That is Mr. Smith, the owner of this domicile. At any moment, perhaps his next breath, he is going to pass from this world, and the circle will be broken. We have moments for someone to assume his spot, to maintain its integrity. Will you help us?”

    Jim nodded, then, “Wait, what?”

    “We need you, Jim, to help us save the world.”

    “Who are you people?”

    “We are masters of the arcane, stewards of the forbidden knowledge, keepers of the gates.”

    “And what happens if Mr. Smith dies?”

    “You are being obtuse. Assist us or … calamity.”

    “You are a bit melodramatic.” Jim stared at the thing in the light, considered his options, considered the absurdity of the moment. “What do I have to do, and how long is this going to take? I have to finish my route.”

    The man in the suit smiled, an actual smile, and his shoulders dropped. He said, “Open your mind, and hear my words. Mark them to your memory for all time, and may your will never falter,” and then the man’s words shifted to a language Jim had never heard before, not even in grad school. They circled and swooped round his brain, behind his eyes, and down this throat, through his body, and emerged from his mouth, filling in the proper spaces left by the men around the circle.

    The man in the suit listened to Jim for a moment, then turned and walked around the circle to his twin. He met Jim’s eyes, motioned to Mr. Smith and his dirty bathrobe.

    “Quickly, he hasn’t much longer. Be ready to assume his place.”

    Jim stepped behind Mr. Smith, and as he did, he realized the words coming from his mouth synced perfectly with those of Mr. Smith. He tried to pause to listen, to be sure of what he was hearing, but the sounds didn’t stop, did not respond to his will.

    He looked across the circle to the man in the suit. The man stepped forward and sat down, into his twin, the two figures becoming one. Jim tried to say, “What the h …” But his words could not overcome the murmured spell.

    And then Mr. Smith collapsed, backward, his body withering to a husk in moments. Jim considered running again. The man in the suit motioned for Jim to sit.

    Jim lowered his mail bag to the ground, sat, cross-legged.

    The thing in the column loomed over him, its burning skin flaking off, falling ash, which Jim could now see piled along the edge of the circle in ebony drifts. He looked up, into the deep, white, endless eyes of the thing, watched as another piece of its face peeled off, floated down like a black feather, back and forth in an infernal wind. The ash settled on Jim’s forehead. It felt warm and soft, then hot.

    Jim tried to scream. The thing looked down at Jim’s mailbag, which sat across the boundary of the circle, and smiled an endless white smile.

    The end of the world screamed. Jim heard the sound in his soul, with his heart. The murmured words vanished from his mind, and he watched as the thing lashed an arm at the guy in the pink polo shirt. The man smashed into the wall.

    Jim grabbed his mail bag and ran. He ran for the temporary safety, solitude and freedom of his route. He ran from the house at the end of the cul-de-sac that no one visited. He ran from the ash and screams and smoke.

    And for the first time since becoming a mail carrier, he wished he’d kept his desk job.

  • Lost Words

    Sometimes, I think about all the stuff I’ve written that’s lost to the ether.  

    Last week, I thought of a short story I’d written for the Tulsa Library Adult Fiction contest way back in 1999 called No Kisses for Darla. It was about a bartender with a cursed ankh necklace. I threw it together in a couple of days, entered it, warts and all, and got what amounted to third place out of 100+ entries.  

    It was my first fiction submission ever. 

    It would take another 18 years before I’d try again. 

    I didn’t get to attend the awards ceremony because I had to go to a wedding in Vegas, but they assured me it would be bound with the other winners and set upon the shelf in the Tulsa Central library. I always assumed I’d get by there and check it out, but I didn’t. 

    Over the years, media storage has changed. I’m pretty sure I had the original stored on a Zipp disk, but the disk is gone.  

    Last week, I tried to find out if the story was still in the library. I’d like to have a copy, after all. As it turns out, it likely isn’t. They only keep those a couple of years.  

    So that story is lost. I remember being kind of proud of it. I had a lot of match cuts between scenes, and played with two concurrent (past/present) narratives. Alas. 

    And then there are my movie review columns. Eleven years at 1500-2000 words a week, times 50 weeks per year equates to somewhere between 825,000 and a million words. I probably have saved maybe 20 columns in my cloud. I didn’t keep clips (back in the day when you cut your stories out of the newspapers or magazines with scissors and kept them in a fancy manila folder in a cheap metal file cabinet).  

    All those words, lost. 

    Some of them were even good, too.  

    I am somewhat lackadaisical about bylines. Had a few, am not personally impressed by having done so. 

    Still, it does sorta bother me that they’re gone. Urban Tulsa went out of business, its website shuttered alongside it. We tried to save the archives, but couldn’t come up with the funds.  

    All those lost words, all that lost work. 

    When I’m dead and gone, all that remains of me will be the words I’ve committed to “paper” and to the hearts and minds of those left behind. Maybe I should’ve taken more care to preserve those things, maybe it’s a more realistic view of our place in history. Fleeting. Dismissed.  

    I would’ve liked to have read that story again.  

  • The Toddler Dance
    • Yesterday, on the Internet, I saw a video of a mom coming out of a 10-day COVID-19 self-isolation.
    • Waiting for her was a toddler doing what can only be described as a happy dance, arms raised, feet and legs pumping up and down.
    • When she saw her momma, she ran to her and threw down a whole-body hug.
    • Which made me remember when the Teenager was a wee lass.
    • Those whole-body hugs toddlers dole out are literally the best feeling in the whole world.
    • And remembering them made me sad.
    • Because she doesn’t do that anymore.
    • Now days, I get that side arm, half-hug/half lean away thing.
    • I’ll take what I can get, obviously.
    • There are a lot of teenagers who want nothing to do with their dads.
    • But … hugs recharge your batteries.
    • Or for me they do, anyway.
    • Did I just admit to being a hugger?
    • Strike that from the record, please.
    • A friend of mine has a couple of daughters, one in college, one at Booker T.
    • He likes to say, “These days won’t last.”
    • Life is melancholy, sometimes.
    • For all the chaos and frustration, it can still be deep, meaningful, and beautiful.
    • You don’t get the good without the bad.
    • So savor …
    • Ugh. I just turned into a self-help meme.
    • Suck the marrow out of life, kids.
    • I read that somewhere.
    • In a book.
    • With pages.
    • And speaking of pages, I’m at about 160-ish in To Kill a Mockingbird.
    • I’m reading it slowly, trying to savor it, I guess.
    • No more than a couple chapters a night.
    • I admire her patience as an author.
    • Giving over chapters and chapters to character building with the plot just kind of slowly building in the background.
    • I don’t have that kind of patience. More of a pulp writer, I suppose.
    • I’m getting into the weeds.
    • Need to be deliberate about finding more ways to slow things down a bit.
    • Here it is Friday and all I can remember about the week is homework with the Teenager and the condensation drain line on the A/C stopping up and flooding the bedroom.
    • Have I told you guys the saga of my move?
    • No?
    • Well, best not to start now.
    • Thematically, it’s akin to Tom Hanks’ The Money Pit.
    • Kinda.
    • “These days won’t last.”
    • Okay, let’s link out on a high note.
    • The benefits of running just one mile every day.
    • Today’s working/writing soundtrack.
    • Plan your Halloween-season reading list accordingly.
    • Eight ways to improve your mental performance in the morning.
    • Also, still savoring Ted Lasso.
    • Roy Kent is my spirit animal.
    • And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
    • Try to enjoy your non-90-degree weekend!
  • Lasso Your Monday
    • I’m Mondaying through my Monday.
    • Not like last Monday, but …
    • Had half the bullets written and realized, no, dude, you can’t say any of that.
    • I mean, I could, but consequences.
    • Definitely not something Ted would do.
    • We started watching Ted Lasso this weekend, and it’s pretty spectacular.
    • Almost literally every line in that show is gold for every character.
    • And the actors nail them every time.
    • There is an abundance of NSFW language in it.
    • If that offends you, you’ll want to skip.
    • But man, I have not laughed at a show like this in … decades.
    • Because I don’t laugh.
    • That would be breaking character.
    • I don’t know what happens in the second season, but I’m already certain it deserves every accolade it can get.
    • If it weren’t Monday, I’d be home on the couch bingeing the rest of the series.
    • What would our world be like without all our creative people?
    • No Ted Lassos.
    • No movies, no stories.
    • No books or songs on the radio.
    • No fancy interior design schemes.
    • Or elegantly designed homes to decorate.
    • No dances to watch in a darkened theatre.
    • No colorful murals on your favorite city walls.
    • The list of things that make our lives worth living, that enrich and enhance, distract and dissuade, is so long I can’t even come up with all the categories.
    • I’m saying I’m thankful this morning for creative people, no matter their medium.
    • And I’m blaming Ted Lasso.
    • And his da … rned optimism.
    • Funny, then, I’d come across this specific article at this specific time.
    • (It’s like they are reading my word document in real time.)
    • 1984.
    • Panopticon.
    • I mean, they can’t be, right?
    • What kind of societal trust would there be if literally every word we said in any medium was monitored?
    • And what is the point of that monitoring?
    • And why do we volunteer for it?
    • I’m tripping over the line again.
    • But maybe Monday mornings can use some more deep thoughts about modern society.
    • Or maybe we should stick to the superficial.
    • Like James Bond.
    • We watched the trailer for the new Bond movie that allegedly opens in a couple of weeks.
    • The Teenager thought it looked great, so she suggested we do a Daniel Craig Bond movie marathon over the weekend.
    • (It sounds like all I did was watch stuff.)
    • There were bike rides. And a birthday dinner.
    • I did things.
    • Do things on your Monday.
  • Breakfast Music
    • I had the thought, briefly, I’d make today’s list literally a playlist.
    • Just a bunch of YouTube links to songs you could click one after another.
    • I suppose I could probably make a YouTube playlist for you, and share the link.
    • But then you’d know my YouTube handle and we would not be maintaining separation of work and self.
    • Still …
    • Making and sharing a playlist is the modern day equivalent of making a CD for someone.
    • Or, to go all ‘80s on you, a mixtape.
    • I assume the “kids” these days make and share playlists.
    • It was a big way of expressing ourselves back in the day.
    • For me, anyway.
    • Like writing with someone else’s words.
    • Hoping to express a mood, feeling or intention to another person purely through melody and chords.
    • Giving someone a playlist/CD/mixtape is asking someone else to see you, or letting them peek inside, and perhaps a small ask for affirmation.
    • “Oh, yeah, man, that song was dope.”
    • Slang.
    • Music’s on my brain because every morning, driving the Teenager to school, we listen to that weird shared playlist I mentioned a couple weeks ago, the one that skips from Muse to Billie to Imagine Dragons to Fitz and the Tantrums to The Chainsmokers to Metallica.
    • That was this morning’s drive.
    • Well, I did skip Fallout Boy.
    • When I find out who in my house is listening to Fallout Boy, there’s going to be a reckoning.
    • I am also not a fan of Imagine Dragons.
    • I would not take a free ticket to go see them.
    • The girls can go without me, is what I’m saying.
    • Maybe … and that train of thought left the station.
    • Seriously. Answered a Teams chat and I now I have no idea where I was going.
    • Typical, right?
    • The not knowing where I’m going part, not the Teams chat.
    • Teams has been my favorite work thing to come out of the pandemic.
    • Well, and TCC Today, obvs.
    • So where do you stand on fast food breakfasts?
    • I told someone my all-time favorite fast food breakfast was the BoB from Whataburger (sausage, not bacon).
    • Because what’s not to like about all that greasy diner food with Whataburger magic cheese?
    • Yes, yes, I’m too old to eat like that.
    • I mean, I haven’t had one of those in over a year, so …
    • But holy cow it sounds amazing right now.
    • And there’s a Whataburger right across the street …
    • Have a great weekend, gang.
  • Slapping Pages
    • I have never been comfortable using most slang.
    • Even back when I was a kid, I never used skater speak.
    • Other than “dude.”
    • I still address most people as “dude.”
    • (No gender implied, obviously.)
    • (But certainly not in the ordained sense, either.)
    • When I see certain slang used in headlines, it makes me … cringe.
    • Which the kids would say, “is cringe.”
    • Or something.
    • I’m not quite clear on the usage.
    • The one that started me off on this language rant is “slaps.”
    • As in, “And yes, Dev Patel slaps.”
    • That was a sub-headline on Lithub.
    • Made my left eye twitch.
    • (Always the left eye that’s twitchy.)
    • I mean, I get it.
    • You can’t really be a language purist.
    • Language is a living thing.
    • It changes minute by minute, from people to people, person to person.
    • But there’s that fine line between evolution and …
    • Looking at someone and thinking, “Did you mean that for real, or are you using it ironically?”
    • I dunno. It’s probably just me.
    • After all, I get embarrassed for characters in movies.
    • That headline made me embarrassed for whoever wrote it.
    • It could also just be the feeling of outside you get when you see a certain demographic using language you don’t.
    • Inspires you to feel … other.
    • This makes me think that studying language would be a cool profession, especially in a sociological sense.
    • But can someone do that anymore?
    • Does higher ed push that kind of thing, or is the end goal how economically productive they can make a person?
    • Just posing the question. Don’t freak out on me.
    • Speaking of Dev Patel … I still haven’t seen The Green Knight, but I keep hearing great things about it.
    • It’s on the List.
    • Over the holiday weekend, I spent one of my days reading on the couch.
    • Read a real book (not Kindle) cover to cover, in fact.
    • I’ve been stumbling around from book to book trying to find a sticking place for months.
    • Took a page turner to do it.
    • It was amazing to me how relaxing that was, once I got over the “you’re wasting a whole day reading” guilt.
    • Literary Hub may be my favorite site to have stumbled upon in years.
    • If you’re into the books, anyway.
    • When I say books, I mean fiction.
    • I don’t do a lot of non-fiction reading unless it’s research for something I’m writing.
    • “Research.”
    • I read to go away, to relax, to experience a different perspective, and because I crave stories.
    • If there were a Question of the Day place around here, that’d be today’s question:
    • “What do you crave?”
    • “What do you need?”
    • Or, perhaps slightly less risky, “What’s the last book you read in one day?”
    • (And if you’ve never read a book in one day, well, you’re missing out.)
    • Have a Wednesday, people.

    I write these lists for work three times a week, so they’re sanitized for work audiences. Still, kinda fun to do.