skepticlysm

Tag: life

  • Sausage … No, nm. Not Doing That.

    Sausage … No, nm. Not Doing That.

    • Always start off with the most ineffective opening line you can.
    • That gives readers a ready excuse to bail.
    • “Nah, man, that first line was boring as fuck. Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
    • A lot of my opening bullets are crap.
    • Because I’m trying to get my brain working.
    • My fingers moving.
    • Why do I not go back and delete them?
    • I have no idea.
    • Half the time, I don’t edit at all.
    • Though I have started in the aftermath of the John McClain (McClane) fiasco.
    • Typos make you look dumb.
    • Or that you don’t care.
    • Honestly, the truth about typos is … even sometimes when you reread, your brain fixes the typo and you don’t notice it.
    • I read once that as long as the word is the right length with the right letters, your brain knows what the word is.
    • Madness if true.
    • Brains are cray.
    • Srsly.
    • (No, I don’t know why I’m doing that.)
    • (Trying to be clever.)
    • (Hahaha … ha .. F.)
    • I planned on opening with an excuse, because I almost didn’t do a list today.
    • Was one thing after another, including, and this is my favorite, taking my car back to the shop … again.
    • I got it back yesterday.
    • After having to take it back a week and a half ago.
    • After it having been gone for two months.
    • Don’t buy a WRX is what I’m saying.
    • They’re growly.
    • They have manual transmissions.
    • They’re pretty reliable if you don’t drive them like a 20yo.
    • However.
    • If they break.
    • If they break bad.
    • You’re focked.
    • Got it back yesterday, or maybe the day before, and did not realize the a/c was not cool on the driver’s side of the car.
    • The passenger side, yes.
    • Worked before I took it in to have the motor replaced.
    • And today’s heat index was in the 100s somewhere.
    • Sigh.
    • I’m worn out by this.
    • Car-less again.
    • And not from being … careless.
    • …
    • I have always been a pepperoni pizza guy.
    • Don’t get me wrong, as my tastebuds have died off, I’ve tried lots of other pizzas.
    • Love a good supreme, as long as you don’t screw it up with olives and fungus.
    • A couple weeks back, I ordered a thin-crust sausage from Hideaway.
    • I am abdicating my membership in the pepperoni club, effective immediately.
    • Those red bastards are not shunned, but after decades, they have lost the top spot.
    • Also, no more of those “normal” or hand-tossed crusts.
    • Right out.
    • Thin is in.
    • (For eating, not for being, because until the prednisone is gone, I can’t do that.)
    • Soon.
    • Yes, I know I wrote about pizza like two weeks ago.
    • A week-and-a-half ago?
    • Man, I’m oldish.
    • Repeating yourself is an age-earned badge of pride.
    • …
    • Finished up the fifth Dungeon Crawler Carl book.
    • It’s good stuff.
    • I’m still only halfway through the latest Hunger Games prequel.
    • And I downloaded a bunch of samples yesterday.
    • Because I’ve been reading a lot on “house arrest.”
    • (Procrastination, right?)
    • Here’s the thing.
    • If you’re not doing a lot, experiencing a lot, reading a lot, you have jack to write about.
    • Like a lot of music talk because that’s what I’ve been doing.
    • A lot of viewing discussion, because that’s what I’ve been doing in the evenings.
    • We finished “Ginny and Georgia” today.
    • Latest season.
    • Well done soap, really.
    • Like I said yesterday, if you’re in the room, it is hard not to pay attention.
    • If it’s bad, it’ll drive you from the room.
    • If it’s not, you’ll get sucked in.
    • We typically do delayed gratification with shows we like, even when they release the whole season at once.
    • Did that with Dept. Q, too.
    • Though … it might be about choice, too.
    • Like, we watched the latest episode of Murderbot 20 minutes ago, and those things are only 24 minutes long.
    • Every ep has been good so far, to the point when they end, we kinda want to throw popcorn at the screen for it ending too soon.
    • (We don’t have popcorn, typically.)
    • I mean, what’s with the AMC not letting you go to concessions and not buy a $10 bucket of popcorn (that only costs them >$.50 to make)?
    • Used to, you could do that.
    • Not anymore.
    • Lame.
    • May switch allegiance to Cinemark.
    • Back to Cinemark.
    • I worked at a Cinemark for three (four?) years.
    • Good memories.
    • Could write one of those ‘90s movies like Empire Records about the gang we had there.
    • The Neon bowties … no.
    • There’s a legit reason I hate ties, is what I’m saying.
    • Also another legit reason I get obsessed with movies though that has waned a bit recently.
    • “Back in my day,” he said, raising his wrinkled fist at the heavens.
    • Part of my day I spent at the hospital listening to a presentation on hip and knee replacement surgeries.
    • Not for me, obviously.
    • “That would be more than I could bear.” – Doc Holiday
    • As I listened, it occurred to me how much medical science has advanced.
    • Have your hip replaced, walk the same day.
    • Now, if only we could, you know, afford that without being shackled to some kind of insurance …
    • Healthcare for all, perhaps?
    • Anyway …
    • …
    • Well, that totally derailed my train of thought
    • Squirrel!
    • No, seriously, we should have universal healthcare.
    • Don’t believe the corporate bullshit.
    • Bamboozled.
    • No, I’m not trying to end this in a political debate.
    • Besides which, that one should not be up for debate.
    • …
    • A car without A/C on a day like today.
    • Gross.
    • First the weather.
    • Then myself.
    • And now it’s shower time.
    • After the meds, anyway.
    • Out!

  • Use It

    Use It

    • Back in creative writing, Vollertsen demanded we cleanse our writing of cliches, and rote turns of phrase.
    • Like I said, I probably learned more about writing from him than I did any of my instructors in college.
    • Weaver told me I needed to use bigger words.
    • “Shibboleth”
    • Irrelephant.
    • The one I’m about to throw down, well, we need to discuss it.
    • “Use it or lose it.”
    • …
    • Before I get started on that, it occurs to me these lists contain a bit of oversharing.
    • Some hacker’s out there reading the blog and adding that to my data file.
    • I mean, I don’t have any money anyway, so … good luck, buddy.
    • I also don’t base my passwords on personal info.
    • But yeah, oversharing.
    • Part of the “healing” portion of this show, which I’ve mentioned, is that I can only walk while I have the PICC line in.
    • My days are spent on the couch, more or less.
    • Lots of writing. Lots of reading.
    • But not a lot of activity.
    • I can feel the muscle leaving my body, my resting heart rate climbing.
    • I dislike it.
    • I know the antibiotics are killing the thing in my head.
    • The area around the PICC is inflamed as hell.
    • They used a different dressing yesterday that’s supposed to be a little nicer to the skin.
    • Seems to be working.
    • Anyway, I have a bad back.
    • Have had since eighth grade.
    • Threw it out playing soccer.
    • And up until the pandemic, it went out two or three times a year.
    • Like, pick up a sock, back’s out.
    • I tore the meniscus in my right knee at one of Kaia’s soccer practices.
    • Did PT for it.
    • The PT doc (and I can give you a referral if you need it) told me I tore up my knee because my hips, core, and ankles were jacked.
    • Knee had to deal with more than it should’ve.
    • PT fixed all of it.
    • Like, if PT were a religion, I’d be a zealot.
    • He did tell me I had to do my take-home exercises for the rest of my life.
    • I’ve been good about it until this surgery nonsense when they told me I couldn’t do anything but walk.
    • Never again.
    • I am never letting this level of unfit happen again.
    • Thinking about starting Tai Chi when I get cleared.
    • In addition to running, biking, and weight lifting.
    • I have advisors and training partners standing by.
    • I’ll start a blog.
    • Another blog.
    • A different blog.
    • Maybe one that makes money?
    • On the server, we continued that music/podcast/audiobook conversation from yesterday.
    • Crazy how different we all are.
    • Someone commented they can’t listen to music they like/know when they’re working because they end up singing the song.
    • I was like, “Yeah, I used to fall asleep to ‘Master of Puppets.’”
    • Someone else dropped what podcasts they listen to.
    • Which made me think about using podcasts and books as personality profile components.
    • What podcasts would I even listen to?
    • Can my a.d.h.d. brain focus?
    • I did listen to a Brene Brown book once on a trip to Texas.
    • It was spectacular.
    • I wouldn’t even know where to start to find favorite podcasts.
    • And here I am thinking about starting one.
    • Well, a few.
    • I saw an article from The New Yorker about how reading is changing.
    • AI is going to fuck up everything.
    • Is fucking up everything.
    • There’s already studies about how much of a negative impact AI has on the brains of writers.
    • Idiocracy is here!
    • Anyway.
    • Pocasts.
    • I don’t even know what I’d listen to.
    • Weird that I’d make one before listening to one?
    • I actually had notes for today’s list.
    • I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday.
    • The sad part of that is my journal for the last two or three months is just full of bulleted lists of topics for the bulleted list.
    • I haven’t properly journaled but once or twice.
    • When I was down in a hole and had to get it out.
    • Paper therapy.
    • I believe in journaling as much as therapy, but it’s another habit you have to establish and stick to whether you want to or not.
    • All that self-help stuff about habits determining the course of your life …
    • I feel they’re right.
    • That’s why I’m here, after all.
    • Where was I?
    • Oh, right.
    • Music.
    • Ha.
    • I’d forgotten about all those Lofi mixes I’d listen to on Youtube back during the pandemic (and beyond).
    • I guess I’ll have to track some down on spotify.
    • I’m not paying for another service and I’m sure as hell not suffering through commercials.
    • I often laugh at the fact that I write commercials for a living and can’t stand them.
    • Most people suck at marketing.
    • They do it to do it, and to be clever, but don’t consider the psychology of it.
    • Most of them are just checking boxes.
    • Then again, that’s kinda modern work, isn’t it?
    • Check those boxes, get to pay your bills!
    • One of the parts of our conversation post “The Life of Chuck” was screenwriting.
    • I told the kid she might be happier writing screenplays because you can knock those out much faster than books.
    • Talked about my screenwriting class in college.
    • I actually still have the screenplay I wrote for my final.
    • It’s in a box with a bunch of creative writing assignments from college, a couple of my journals from creative writing in high school, and …
    • You remember when I talked about writing sequels to “Friday the 13th” in sixth grade?
    • There are two of those in the box.
    • I don’t know how or why I still have them, but I do.
    • I’m afraid to read them.
    • Kinda.
    • But also kinda proud?
    • This is what I’m supposed to have been doing all along.
    • I guess that’s good?
    • Do we do what we’re good at, what we’re passionate about, what we’re interested in, or do we just do whatever industry says we should because that’s what it needs?
    • Make money, friends, so you can buy back your … freedom.
    • Sure.
    • Have a Wednesday!

  • Flow Conjunction

    Flow Conjunction

    • First things first.
    • Happy birthday, Steph!
    • Here’s to many more!
    • (You say that for birthdays, right?)
    • We went out for sushi on Saturday because 1) we figured the place would be ridiculously busy on Sunday because obvious reasons, and 2) “No one celebrates their birthday on a Monday.”
    • She said it, not me.
    • So here we are.
    • I have a dinner plan for tonight.
    • Does not involve leaving the house.
    • But there’s a plan.
    • Anyway.
    • Tell her happy birthday if you haven’t.
    • Hell, most of you are on her friends list anyway.
    • Social how it was meant to be.
    • Not this algorithmic bullshit.
    • That’s why we’re here, remember?
    • The List exists to harken back to those early internet days, when we all had blogs.
    • There were a bunch of us in my friend group who had blogs.
    • We called it The Bloop.
    • Miss those days, really.
    • Though honestly, I think the Internet has (combined with my own internal issues) has held me back.
    • Digital time theft.
    • Which pairs with my constant pondering of time.
    • I feel, in every moment, I’m running out.
    • That it is too late to accomplish a bunch of the things I wanted to accomplish.
    • It isn’t.
    • Well, some.
    • But that’s another internal war I fight.
    • I get, btw, you’re not supposed to start all these sentences with conjunctions.
    • But, and, etc.
    • I don’t care, really.
    • That’s how we talk.
    • That’s how the words flow.
    • Flow’s part of the way you get better at writing.
    • Do it enough, you can feel what should come next.
    • And you know when it doesn’t work.
    • I could’ve written that without the and.
    • The exclusion of the word would make the sentence hit differently.
    • …
    • Was the first weekend I didn’t write a list since the surgery.
    • Sleep impacted that.
    • All these medicines are wrecking me.
    • Small price, but still.
    • Itching.
    • Sleep.
    • Destroyed internals.
    • Why haven’t I gone back to work?
    • My skull isn’t done.
    • I still can’t really get away from the bathroom in the mornings.
    • Sleep sucks.
    • And then there’s that gd IV in my arm.
    • And another couple of upcoming MRIs.
    • (One here, one in Minnesota.)
    • (You didn’t think we were finished with that sojourn, did you?)
    • That’s all the update you’re getting.
    • I’m over it.
    • Anyway, Father’s Day was great.
    • You saw the card.
    • We had a great dinner.
    • Went to see “The Life of Chuck,” which is spectacular.
    • There’s so much good in it, I don’t have enough bullets to do it justice.
    • It’s asking for a proper film review, and I don’t do that anymore.
    • Like Steph said elsewhere on the Internet, she’d go see it again, and she doesn’t do that.
    • We need more films like it.
    • Also watched “Cleaner” over the weekend.
    • Wasn’t bad.
    • Daisy Ridley in a remake of “Die Hard,” really.
    • Was not badly done.
    • Had some great lines.
    • The whole cast was uneven, but she’s great.
    • Was not bad to watch from the couch on a Saturday night.
    • Would’ve made some money if they’d, you know, marketed it.
    • Hollywood is biting its nose to spite its face these days.
    • And here we go …
    • Hollywood needs to stop being chickenshit if it wants movies to survive.
    • You have all these worthless voices on the internet trashing Marvel films, but Marvel’s one of the few outfits putting in the money and effort to keep making spectacles.
    • Them and Tom Cruise.
    • Everything else is a remake.
    • Or some low-budget crap.
    • And I’m sorry, but all these horror films getting lauded … yeah, when I bother to watch, I’m rarely impressed.
    • It’s like there’s been so much crap for so long, standards dropped.
    • The Frame of Reference got smashed.
    • Tornado of Unfortunate Coincidences destroyed a historically great medium.
    • Don’t get me wrong.
    • I love all these fantastic series made for streaming.
    • There have been a ton of them.
    • Lot of crap there, too.
    • But again, there are thousands of books in all genres that would make great films.
    • You know, provided you can get the filmmakers to stick to the soul of the source material.
    • If you want to create your own story, then do that, but don’t do it to an IP someone else thought up.
    • Monday Madness!!
    • I surf Reddit more than any other “social” media, because it’s the closest thing we have left to forums from the old days.
    • There’s a ton of crap on there, however, and plenty of it meant to stoke political fires.
    • Make everyone reactionary.
    • Most the time, I read a title, think “Huh,” and move on.
    • I don’t give it real inflammatory space because I don’t want to go research it most the time.
    • If I know a thing might not be true, or might not be true in the way it’s presented, then I don’t give it weight.
    • But today, I saw Trump’s post on Truth Social about targeting major cities because they’re seats of Democrat power …
    • I tossed out almost 300 words of political rant.
    • Aaaannnd another 200.
    • Then deleted more.
    • (Took a breath.)
    • You’re going to have to show me this “radical Left.”
    • With sources.
    • Pretty sure millions of people across the country rolled out in protest of this orange goon, and nothing got burnt down or destroyed.
    • Radical.
    • Smfh
    • Yeah, 700 words tossed in the trash doc because … it’s exhausting.
    • Which, you know, is what they want.
    • I’m taking the off ramp.
    • Sitting here listening to the “Moody Mix” Spotify made for me.
    • Lots of good stuff.
    • Weird though.
    • Billie Eilish, Lana Del Ray, Slipknot, gd Limp Bizkit, Paris Paloma, Phantogram, Nine Inch Nails, Megadeth, Alice in Chains …
    • I would not have made this on my own, is what I’m saying, but I’m digging it.
    • I’ll throw the link in the comments for you Spotifiers.
    • While the Kiddo and I ran some errands, I told her I’ve had that Royal and the Serpent song (“Carry Me Home”) stuck in my head for … weeks.
    • I don’t mind. It’s a good song.
    • She said, “I think I’ve only listened to it three times.”
    • “You sent me a song you only listened to once?”
    • “Yes. I knew you’d like it.”
    • Happy father’s day.
    • Happy birthday.
    • Happy Monday.
  • Some of Those Who Work Forces

    Some of Those Who Work Forces

    • Yeah, hi.
    • I did write a … wait.
    • I didn’t write yesterday’s …
    • Wait.
    • I started this yesterday, but did not post.
    • TIME TRAVEL FOR DUMMIES.
    • And then I stopped, set the lappy aside, and watched the rest of Dept. Q, which has fantastic characters.
    • I hope they make a couple more seasons of that.
    • Anyway.
    • Sitting here in the couch spot, writing.
    • And surfing, because goddammit, though I don’t want to, I start my days looking at social.
    • (Insert a lot more swearing.)
    • Looked at Hamby’s post this morning.
    • And now I’m listening to Rage Against the Machine.
    • How is it only 9:42 a.m.?
    • “Killing in the Name”
    • Anthemic.
    • (Well, it’s mine anyway. Especially now, after the awakening.)
    • I mean, depending on your stance, this song (and most their songs), seem particularly relevant at the moment.
    • Tom was a Harvard political science grad, after all.
    • Actually played that out loud.
    • I’ll shut if off now.
    • No need to drag Steph down the hole with me.
    • Oddly enough, I have no Rage Against the Machine merch.
    • The only band shirts I have are Tool and Metallica.
    • Which are my most listened-to bands.
    • But I probably should have a Rage one in the quiver.
    • I’m planning on going to the Woody Guthrie museum and picking up a hat.
    • (You might be able to guess which one …)
    • I’ve said it before, but now’s the golden age of t-shirts and merch.
    • There is a lot of crap, however.
    • Most of it is crap.
    • Sturgeon’s Law.
    • Like some jackass with Canva thinks they’re a designer and can make and sell t-shirts based off some lame template with a terrible font.
    • Or they’re just throwing up shops of AI-designed bullshit.
    • AI isn’t the way, people.
    • It’s another way to put people out of jobs.
    • To take the humanity out of everything.
    • For profit.
    • And then what?
    • They let machines and AI take all the white-collar jobs.
    • Do they really think we’re going to be cool with the rich fucks sitting there on beaches and yachts while the rest of us, what, work …
    • What work?
    • You can’t manufacture endless shit people won’t be able to afford.
    • The path we’re on is not the right one.
    • …
    • Dammit, Hamby.
    • The running joke about me is that I’m always angry.
    • That pic I ran yesterday, the greeting card thing, yeah … that’s probably closer to the truth.
    • And Vollertsen’s constant pointing out my idealism.
    • That’s where my “anger” comes from.
    • I cannot stand the cruelty in our society.
    • I cannot stand the presumptions that govern behavior, those attempts to put ourselves above others, that some of us are doing it the “right” way and deserve it more than someone not doing it “right.”
    • We should be focused on putting policies in place that provide opportunities for everyone.
    • We don’t.
    • Everyone’s morning affirmations should include, “I am not better than anyone else.”
    • Angry.
    • Frustrated is a better descriptor.
    • I get angry about injustice.
    • Inequality.
    • About motherfuckers trying to make their business my own, their view the only one, their path my path.
    • Cut the shit, people.
    • Focus on empathy.
    • Do right for others when you can.
    • Make the world better, because it sure as fuck is not at the moment.
    • I have a 17 y.o. FFS.
    • This is the world she gets to live in?
    • Are you kidding me?
    • I need to send her to the Sarah Conner school of life.
    • …
    • Hi.
    • There’s a lot of stuff I consider writing about in the List, and then don’t.
    • I have this problem at work for sure.
    • But even out here, where I’m “free,” I refrain.
    • Like … we could be talking about pooping.
    • Do you KNOW what it’s like to be on antibiotics for two months?
    • I have stories, man.
    • I tell them to Pryor, because we’ve been trading that kind of nonsense for 48 years.
    • 48 years!!
    • What I’m saying is that meds have inspired me to spend a lot of time in or near bathrooms.
    • To the point where Ginny the Cat accompanies me, lays on the mat in front of the shower and slow blinks at me.
    • The hell, cat.
    • Yes, she’s protecting me.
    • From … the turd monsters?
    • This morning, she tried to climb into the toilet.
    • We’ve had her a year, (almost a year?), and she’s only just now coming around.
    • We know she was a breeder cat.
    • The hell did they do to her?
    • Never hold her?
    • Never let her out of the crate?
    • She’s laying on the couch next to me at the moment.
    • Not against me, mind you, but … close.
    • Meanwhile, Liho (my cat), is walking from room to room caterwauling.
    • Ask not for whom the Cat squalls, it squalls for thee.
    • I talk to Liho when she does this.
    • Discuss what her issues might be.
    • She shuts up then.
    • For a bit.
    • At night, when we feed the cats their wet food, there are two phases of her noise making.
    • The first comes about halfway through her food.
    • We think it is her song of joy, telling us how much she loves the food, giving thanks to her providers.
    • Or it could be her going, “What is this shit you feed me every night? This, again. I hope you rot in Human Hell.”
    • Then she cries again when she’s finished to be let out of the kitchen.
    • We have to keep them separated while they eat.
    • Ginny hoovers hers up and then goes for Liho’s.
    • Liho beats Ginny up many times a day, or acts aggressively with swats, rushes, and hisses.
    • When food’s involved, however, she lets Ginny bully her out of the way.
    • The hell, cats?
    • Another day, another dodge of the Hollywood rant.
    • Someday.
    • Will it be worth the wait?
    • Probably not.
    • What else?
    • Going to be an action-packed weekend.
    • Steph’s birthday is Monday.
    • It always falls in or around Father’s Day.
    • Got that.
    • Got other things going on, too.
    • Stuff to write.
    • Hoping I get the car back again today.
    • Taking the kiddo shopping tomorrow.
    • I think.
    • Now I’m just stretching this out.
    • List record length.
    • 1011 words (well, it was, then I went back through it “editing.”)
    • OMG
    • Did I waste your time?
    • No one’s making you read.
    • (Queue Rage …)
    • I gotta go shoot up anyway, so you’re off the hook.
    • I hope the weekend finds you before I do.

  • Save Yourself

    Save Yourself

    • Got a phone call from the ex-Boss yesterday.
    • She was listening to a spot on NPR about long-term infections that mutate and thought of me.
    • Because, you know, I have a long-term infection that mutated.
    • We’re not really certain of the mutated part yet.
    • But seems bloody likely.
    • Anyway, then we had a good conversation, which is the norm.
    • I paced through the house with my shitty bone-conduction headphones on because, you know, that’s the only thing I have and can wear at the moment.
    • Unless I want to go wired, and ain’t nobody got time for that.
    • Anyway, she made a crack about getting a taste of … not being at work.
    • Sweet, sweet freedom.
    • I’ve been thinking about it since.
    • And I’m not going to get too deep into it because I have work peeps on my FB friends list.
    • But since the surgery, since my FMLA/Mayo mandated recuperation time, there has not been a single day when I didn’t write something.
    • Something I wanted to write during time dictated by myself and not someone else.
    • (Not all Lists, obviously.)
    • I feel so much better.
    • Mentally.
    • Emotionally.
    • That’s with a healing skull and shrinking brain tumor.
    • And day-by-day, I’m less inclined to want to listen to my “superiors.”
    • And I resent all this “productivity” bullshit I see all over the place more and more.
    • The going back is a specter I’d like to call the Ghostbusters to take care of.
    • But you know, I’m only worth what I produce for someone else.
    • Only worth what someone else sees in me.
    • Horseshit.
    • And we live this way, voluntarily or resentfully, depending on your interpretation.
    • While I was thinking about that, Billie’s “Everything I Wanted” popped up on the playlist.
    • Which inspired the question: Do you know what you want?
    • I’m not talking Taco Bell for lunch.
    • Or the hot new iPhone with AI that tells you what you want.
    • In your soul.
    • Down deep.
    • What do you want?
    • I’m working on that answer for myself.
    • Things are not the answer, mind you.
    • Items.
    • Shit you can buy.
    • Ephemera.
    • You have to do the work to find these answers.
    • You have to save yourself.
    • (Queue Stabbing Westward …)
    • So yeah, that’s what I got from a phone call.
    • Also, Billie’s awesome.
    • Can’t wait to see her, even if our seats are nosebleeds.
    • Hit a huge writing milestone yesterday.
    • Feels like a weight off and there’s that tunnel light stuff.
    • Like I said, lots of writing.
    • Lots of naps, too, because believe it or not, when you have your skull cut open and things scooped out of your head, it apparently exacts a toll.
    • The screenshot today …
    • I do that all the time on both the laptop and phone for the express purpose of sharing.
    • I save a ton of things, too, and then don’t remember to share them.
    • My “saved” … folders? … on all the platforms are full of stuff I never remember to go back and look at.
    • In that moment, the moment of saving, there’s probably that dopamine hit.
    • A laugh.
    • A smile.
    • A “Steph’s gotta see this.”
    • Again, today’s came from a saved folder.
    • I identify with both statements, obviously.
    • “Move your ass people,” he thought, not acknowledging his frustration or blood pressure.
    • Then there’s that metal one …
    • (Right now, in the writing of this, I decided to post multiple things I’ve collected. Congratulations! You get a gallery!)
    • The metal one made me want to go buy the Satanic Panic t-shirt from Dice & Devilhorns, btw.
    • I didn’t.
    • But I “wanted” to.
    • A lot of the time, when I see clever memes or social posts, I think, “I couldn’t do that.”
    • I think about a lot of creative things that way.
    • Well, I think about a lot of things that way.
    • Because we all have different strengths and talents.
    • Yours doesn’t make you better than anyone else.
    • It just makes you different.
    • And we should all recognize (in all the connotations) those differences in others.
    • I’m not a meme-writer.
    • I’m not a poet.
    • I’m not sure what the hell I am, but there are some things I’m damn good at.
    • Same with you.
    • Like, I’m not going to tell Bliss how to project manage anything.
    • Or give him a lecture on leadership.
    • Or tell James or Jerm how to draw something.
    • Or Phil how to code.
    • Or Francis how to design a structure.
    • Or Jay how to coach.
    • Or Kaia how to plot.
    • Or Steph anything about managing my health.
    • A strength we could all work on is how to recognize what others have, and to ask them for advice without ego getting in the way on either side.
    • Me asking you for help or advice should not mean you’re a superior human to me, for instance.
    • The real strength is knowing you don’t know.
    • Otherwise, that’s insecurity fucking with you.
    • Fuck insecurity.
    • …
    • What in the actual fuck is going on with me?
    • These aren’t funny.
    • The pics are.
    • Go look at the pics.
    • (Now I have to go screen cap some from my Saved crap, because I haven’t done that part yet.)
    • (Sigh.)
    • “I can not save you.
    • “I can’t even save myself.
    • “So just save yourself.”
    • Still did not get around to that Hollywood rant.
    • Tomorrow!
    • Maybe.
    • Confession: I’m not sure how I’m going to go back to writing the sanitized version of these after I go back to work.
    • Also, how fucking early am I going to have to get up to write the ones for you guys?
    • Tomorrow’s problems!

  • What a Load of Crap

    What a Load of Crap

    • Might be a short one.
    • I write about cars a lot.
    • Used to love them.
    • Now I kinda hate them.
    • Which started with the Mini.
    • The car that put me in a massive debt hole.
    • I’m still paying for repairs on that car.
    • I haven’t owned it since 2018.
    • Traded it for the Subaru, which has been a pretty good car.
    • At least until February.
    • Took it in for a tune-up after the trip to the Mayo.
    • The tune-up resulted in the engine blowing.
    • I left out some mechanic trips in the middle, but, ah, there you go.
    • I finally got it back last Friday.
    • Had not visibly seen it since March.
    • This morning, I started it to go to my infusion clinic visit at St. Francis.
    • Check Engine light.
    • GFD.
    • I shut it off, went back in the house and got Steph’s keys, drove the Pilot to the appt.
    • On the way, someone turned out in front of me, close enough I had to lock up the brakes to not hit them.
    • I honked.
    • They stopped their car in the road in front of me, rolled down their window, and flipped me off.
    • What in the fuck is the matter with people?
    • Especially driving.
    • Selfishness?
    • Complete lack of road awareness?
    • I had to tell the nurse not to take my blood pressure for a while.
    • Now I … don’t want to write.
    • I’m doing it anyway.
    • Because habits don’t do themselves.
    • Is it hard for everyone to pull out of a bad mood nosedive?
    • Is that just me?
    • Could be just me.
    • Systemic exacerbation.
    • A bad habit of easy provocation.
    • The comfort of habitualized anger and frustration.
    • (I made up a word there, apparently.)
    • (WTFE. Shakespeare did it all the time.)
    • (Not that I’m Shakespeare.)
    • If you’re easily provoked, you’re easily manipulated.
    • Which, you know, everyone is trying to do to us these days.
    • I dislike the thought of being manipulated.
    • Another anger trigger.
    • Life’s hard, y’all.
    • NP: Metallica, “The Outlaw Torn.”
    • I know fans revolted when they released Load.
    • It fostered a time when it was not cool to be a Metallica fan.
    • I listened to that album a lot.
    • Still do.
    • (Eagerly awaiting the re-mastered edition that comes out this week.)
    • Came out the June after I graduated from OSU.
    • Some of those songs are so damn good.
    • “Bleeding Me”
    • “Hero of the Day”
    • “The Outlaw Torn”
    • Not metal.
    • So?
    • Everyone crying about them not making another Master of Puppets.
    • Braver as an artist to make what you want instead of trying to please the fans over and over again.
    • They’re making the music, not you.
    • You don’t have to like it.
    • Don’t have to listen.
    • Anyway.
    • That’s ranty.
    • The … she’s not a nurse, really, but the woman who always takes my blood pressure, when taking it the first time today (was high, obviously) asked me if I liked tools.
    • “What?”
    • “Your shirt.”
    • “Oooh. No that’s one of my bands.”
    • “What?”
    • “Tool. They’re a band.”
    • “There’s a band named Tool?”
    • She’s older. I could see her not knowing.
    • But then, the nurse re-doing my dressing, and younger than me, said, “Oh, I did not know that either.”
    • …
    • I mean, put me in the home already I guess?
    • Goddammit.
    • You know what?
    • I don’t care.
    • Embrace the aging.
    • Do not go gentle, right?
    • (I’m going to beat that dead horse. It’s part of the tattoo plan, which Steph added to recently.)
    • (More excitement. I just have to talk the hematologist into it.)
    • Watched Sinners last night.
    • Not bad.
    • I think Jordan overacts a bit.
    • But wasn’t bad.
    • Vampires and a bit of Southern Gothic magic.
    • The end-credit scene might’ve been better than the movie.
    • Kaia dug it.
    • Wanted to talk about it when it was finished.
    • Apparently she always wants to talk about movies she likes.
    • Gotta push her to do it.
    • C’mon, kid, out with your opinions!
    • Unleash the hounds!
    • We had a good talk.
    • Even as she liked it a lot, she picked it to pieces.
    • The evaluator/critic is strong in her.
    • Proud dad moment.
    • Been a lot of those lately.
    • The outline for her … fan-fiction epic is like 90-pages long?
    • Not going to get hung up on what comes next when she’s writing.
    • We’ve had a lot of creative progress around here lately.
    • Don’t want to talk about the no-hitter much.
    • Strange things are afoot …
    • Discord thing of the week so far: “We don’t trust those who don’t think in movie quotes.”
    • I will get back on that horse.
    • Your life would be shit without creatives doing what they do.
    • They should be paid properly and accorded the credit they deserve.
    • That’s a List Motif, btw, since a lot of you are newish and playing the home game.
    • Do not take art in any form for granted.
    • It’s hard to create, no matter the form.
    • It enriches our lives.
    • Makes them bearable.
    • Better.
    • It should be celebrated, and creators rewarded.
    • If we’re not doing that …
    • I’m out.
    • Have the Tuesday you deserve.

    And I still haven’t written about Hollywood being creatively chickenshit … Sigh. Still on the TBW list.

  • “… In a Burger King Bathroom …”

    “… In a Burger King Bathroom …”

    • So this happened.
    • Made sliders for dinner on the griddle.
    • Retired to the tv room.
    • We have one of those L-shaped sectionals.
    • The kid occupies the corner.
    • She’s the “corner troll.”
    • She’s working on the plot and structure of her fan fiction novel.
    • Steph took one side, feet facing the kid, and surfing whatever app she surfs when she’s on her phone.
    • Some cursed Meta product probably.
    • I have no idea.
    • I think she was surfin’ the ‘gram.
    • A snippet of “Wild Thing” blared out.
    • It wasn’t Tone.
    • Someone’s modern redo.
    • I found the original on Spotify.
    • Because sometimes, when you hear a snippet, it demands the real thing.
    • Know what I mean?
    • And then I played Biz’s “Just a Friend.”
    • And then … well, we’ll see. It’s still happening. I’m writing it past tense, but as it is happening.
    • (Narrative time travel is a common occurrence in the safe-for-work List.)
    • Kaia said, “Is it almost over?”
    • I gotta do Young MC next.
    • And then maybe Too Short (“Life is …”
    • Maybe some Kool Moe Dee (“Wild Wild West”)
    • LL Cool J (“Going Back to Kali”)
    • Run DMC (“It’s Tricky”)
    • Sir Mix-A-Lot (“Posse on Broadway”)
    • Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock!! (“It Takes Two”)
    • Digital Underground (“Humpty Dance”)
    • N.W.A. (“Straight Outta Compton”)
    • Ict T (“Colors”)
    • Public Enemy! (“Fight the Power”)
    • I put in my earbuds after Biz.
    • I mean, damn, “Humpty Dance” still slays.
    • That bassline. So good.
    • Even on the ear pods.
    • I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice.
    • Heh.
    • Man, rappers were not shy about rapping about sex, were they?
    • I thought my childhood was a bastion of prudish censorship.
    • PMRC, right?
    • We Did have Two Live Crew, though, and my memory is for shit.
    • DEAR LORT, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
    • The right earbud just stopped playing sound.
    • (Insert Darth Vader’s “Noooooooo” soundbite here.)
    • I have troubleshot it for 30 minutes.
    • No dice.
    • Fuck.
    • I can’t wear the Heavys because they’ll crush my not-healed skull!
    • I could go get the bone conductors, I suppose.
    • But people can hear that, and the sound is garbage compared to the Pixel buds.
    • I may be desperate.
    • Okay, I am.
    • I am desperate.
    • Nooooooooo.
    • I donned the Shokz.
    • And now “Jam on It” is playing.
    • Francis and I played the hell out of this song.
    • It’s what was available.
    • We also listened to Kraftwerk.
    • A lot.
    • But lots of early rap.
    • Hell, we played “Funky Cold Medina” in James’s LeMans just to hear the bass.
    • (Because he had a subwoofer in a box that took up half the back seat, obviously.)
    • (That song … is about dosing girls’ drinks? The hell, man.)
    • (These damn headphones have no bass.)
    • (What is the point of that?)
    • (I gotta go try the Pixel buds again … maybe they’ve had a change of status, decided to suck less.)
    • I’m screwed in the zombie apocalypse is what I’m saying.
    • You, me, and the Starbucks girl have already discussed that.
    • You couldn’t even wrap yourself in solar chargers because none of the music services would be functioning.
    • All you’d have are the songs you’ve downloaded to your device.
    • And even then, those scurvy shyster bastards probably have code that won’t let you play the music if you don’t tag into the server on occasion.
    • I do not own a discman anymore.
    • See?
    • This is what happens when you have my brain, and it did this before the tumor.
    • Why am I not playing the music through the laptop speakers?
    • Well, the sound is okay, but not great.
    • It would annoy the kid.
    • Maybe Steph, too.
    • Trying to be considerate.
    • But goddammit, I need my music.
    • Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music …
    • This is how I lose it.
    • …
    • See?
    • Not metal all the time.
    • Most the time.
    • But not all the time.
    • That Rihanna song is on a playlist.
    • Heard it today.
    • Well, yesterday.
    • It’s only today for me.
    • It’ll be yesterday for you.
    • Tomorrow, currently.
    • Yes, I hunted down an ‘80s hip-hop playlist.
    • I can’t remember all of these, but I know ‘em when I hear ‘em.
    • I know all the words to so many of these songs.
    • By heart.
    • I’m on a mission, you better just listen …
    • What the hell have I done.
    • Maybe this will be the theme of the week.
    • I’m going to bring up all the earworms from our GenX youth.
    • Maybe tomorrow tomorrow, we’ll get neck-deep in hair metal.
    • You’re safe in some regards.
    • You know I’m not wading into that pop music bullshit.
    • I only post things on Facebook to people on my Friends list.
    • I do not share with the world in that place.
    • I do on the blog, but its viewing potential is smaller.
    • Why?
    • Because I generally don’t want to deal with the bots, trolls, and assholes of the world.
    • I gotta get over that.
    • You don’t build an audience by catering to the one you already have.
    • I need to build a larger audience to enact pieces of The Plan.
    • Mostly targeted at GenXers and early Millennials, obviously.
    • Taking advantage of those shared life experiences and nostalgia.
    • Like, no one who wears a fucking flat-billed ballcap is going to buy into my bullshit, you know?
    • We debated with a couple about that at a pizza place once.
    • Were there for someone’s birthday.
    • Bro had one of those on.
    • Him in his flat-bill, me in my “dad cap.”
    • I thought he looked stupid.
    • That’s me being judgmental, which we talked about last week.
    • My opinion’s irrelephant.
    • You do you.
    • Have a Monday.

  • Too Old. Too Old to Begin the Training.

    Too Old. Too Old to Begin the Training.

    • Time.
    • More often than not, when I’m writing these things, one thought naturally comes after another.
    • However, that means a lot of the time, I don’t end up talking about the originating idea.
    • I mentioned time the other day.
    • The specter in my head.
    • Tick, tock, right?
    • Like, I feel all the time I’m running out of it.
    • Wasting it.
    • Sitting on the couch, staring at the screen on that goddamn phone, flipping past all manner of irrelevant ephemera.
    • The hell am I doing?
    • If I don’t get the book finished now, it’s going to be too late.
    • Why am I not spending every available moment writing the book?
    • Because fear and anxiety are monsters, that’s why.
    • Life requires daily bravery.
    • Stepping up to punch your demons in the face on the regular.
    • Most people don’t have it in them, I don’t think.
    • The comfort of normal is an Odyssean siren’s call.
    • The devil you know speaks inactivity into your mind, all the time.
    • The evils of comfort.
    • Growth sprouts from activity and change.
    • Inactivity does stuff like throw your back out, which happened to me this morning as I dug through a drawer looking for my Last Crusade blu-ray, which apparently I don’t actually own.
    • I was damn sure I had the trilogy on disc.
    • Apparently not?
    • The hell.
    • Screw your subscriptions!
    • ….
    • Where the hell was I?
    • The anxious brain is a curse, is what I’m saying.
    • And time is your most valuable resource.
    • Not money.
    • And yet we let other people determine the value of our hours.
    • Some bullshit right there.
    • Do not go gentle.
    • All morning I’ve been in the Discord chatting.
    • Hours of good stuff, honestly.
    • We had conversations about books, careers, sports, movies, video games (and the lack of playing), and poor people food.
    • A lot of us grew up poorish, so we ate things our parents’ income could afford.
    • Like Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese.
    • Or bologna and American cheese sandwiches.
    • And cheap chips.
    • Guys.
    • Most of you know what I’m talking about.
    • Childhood comfort food.
    • Then there’s “cockamamie.”
    • Blame Upton for that one, but we did get Jerm’s art out of that deal.
    • I know, I know.
    • You’re lacking context.
    • This is the other part of the introversion conversation I started the other day.
    • Just because you’re introverted does not mean you don’t need people.
    • Kinda?
    • Maybe it’s just me.
    • But between reconnecting with a bunch of my high school crew, writing these lists to foster and create community, and the Discord server, I’m better understanding the need for connection with people.
    • Talking to you people, even with the cyber-arms distance of all this, has been kind of invigorating?
    • Only because I know you.
    • But still.
    • I enjoy talking about things I’m into, you know?
    • And also having those conversations about shared experiences, and differing perspectives.
    • That was kinda the part I enjoyed as a journalist.
    • The learning about other people and not having to share.
    • Again, I know.
    • The fuck do I think I’m doing here if not sharing?
    • Ah, there’s that swearing part again.
    • It is a sign of intelligence.
    • I have read the research on that.
    • Because, you know, confirmation bias.
    • But the research does confirm it.
    • Fuckin a right it does.
    • Heh.
    • These Black Lists are less about fun, aren’t they?
    • Jerm did remind me Last Crusade was on Disney+, so it’s playing quietly.
    • “I didn’t trust her. Why did you?”
    • I have several questions for you today.
    • Like, what would it take to make a mini-city populated by “our” people as we get closer to retirement?
    • Sure, it would be a Venn diagram, because we all have people outside of here, you know?
    • But … how cool would that be?
    • I always read about those tiny house compounds of friend groups.
    • And, you know, actual compounds built around abandoned missile silos.
    • How do we craft lives more like what we actually want?
    • Second question, and this one’s right out of the Discord server … if you could have the power of one of Marvel’s mutants, which would it be?
    • I’d have to do a list.
    • This, but if not this, then that.
    • 1) Wolverine’s healing factor
    • 2) Nightcrawler’s teleportation
    • 3) Forge’s ability to invent and build anything
    • 4) All of Longshot’s powers, but especially his “good luck”
    • I don’t want any of that mind-reading stuff.
    • Though Jean’s telekinesis would be badass.
    • And Psylocke’s psychic katana …
    • But, you know, that has limited use in our world because you can’t run around killing people, you know?
    • Not yet.
    • We’ll see how this ICE bullshit plays out.
    • Goddamn nazis running our country.
    • I mean, the fucking Proud Boys are suing the govt for $100m for … what? Because they’re playing into the bullshit that they did NOT try to pull off an insurrection?
    • …
    • They did.
    • That happened.
    • Do not believe the revisionist agenda.
    • I mean, wtaf.
    • All those motherfuckers should still be in prison.
    • And, btw, Hitler did the exact same thing when he took power.
    • Learn from history, or suffer the consequences of repeating it.
    • Not where I meant to go today.
    • Heh.
    • Like I said, the Stream has a mind of its own.
    • You’d fix things like this on the second draft, but … we don’t do that here.
    • I barely go back and edit.
    • These could be better, is what I’m saying.
    • And this one’s long.
    • (I thought about editing out the “political” rant but screw it. There are things happening we cannot let become normal. And yet … )
    • I actually meant to rant about movies, specifically Hollywood’s chickenshit tendency to do remakes instead of original films.
    • I have a cool meme to go with that.
    • A good quote from Ursula.
    • Or Margaret.
    • Tomorrow I guess.
    • (Predicting a low reader turn out today. I can’t write about the brain thing all the time. There are other things going on up there.)
    • Heh.
    • High five.

  • Might Be the Wrong Audience for This One

    Might Be the Wrong Audience for This One

    • Been a day.
    • 3 o’clock and I’m only now getting to type.
    • Tick, tock, mfers.
    • I think about time incessantly.
    • Post surgery, sitting there in that bed trying to get my wits about me, I had an awakening.
    • Paradigm shift, if I’m using some of that fancy self-help vernacular.
    • But it did happen.
    • The past three years, if I’m being honest, have been a deep, dark hole.
    • I had reduced my timeline from 20ish more years to five, 10 if I was lucky.
    • I thought a lot about leaving the kid unready to face the world.
    • Of not being here for my tiny family.
    • The hurt.
    • The loss.
    • And no small amount of fear of my own.
    • When the Mayo can’t give you an answer, it seems dire.
    • Hard not to feel the weight of uncertainty.
    • Hard not to let it feel imminent.
    • If you have never had chronic pain, you have no idea what it takes from you.
    • The amount of energy needed to function.
    • The world expects you to carry on.
    • Yeah, you hurt.
    • Tough shit.
    • Go to work.
    • You are only worth your work.
    • Produce, plebe.
    • Again, the toll.
    • I’m not trolling for empathy here.
    • I don’t talk about this shit.
    • Did not really talk about it to anyone, other than the basics.
    • There’s a thing.
    • It hurts.
    • They don’t know what it is.
    • Tick tock.
    • It’s like the scene in Krull when the wizard takes the sand from the hourglass to escape the spider’s web.
    • (Stay with me. I know we’re still on the week’s darker path, but there is light …)
    • Had the MRI on Monday.
    • Talked to the Mayo docs yesterday.
    • Everything is shrinking.
    • The antibiotics are working.
    • They’ve ruled out cancer.
    • They no longer think it’s auto-immune.
    • They think I’ve had a years long infection that got into my brain.
    • Might be one of those situations where I had one infection that allowed another to flourish.
    • But my Neuro Immunologist was geeked out about the MRI.
    • We had a super positive conversation.
    • Three more weeks on the antibiotics.
    • Another MRI.
    • But … OMG hope?
    • I dislike hope.
    • Moderation.
    • We’re not there yet.
    • But the way out seems through.
    • I don’t even know what to do with this, honestly.
    • I’m still sorta on house arrest.
    • Three more weeks with the PICC.
    • The skull’s still not quite there.
    • Clicky.
    • Breathe.
    • I mean, I might have a wicked scar, but in mere months, I might have a normal life back.
    • Holy shit.
    • Which brings me back to that paradigm shift.
    • I’m done letting other people control my future.
    • Sitting here letting someone decide what I do day-to-day.
    • What I get to make.
    • How far I get to go in my “career.”
    • Done with it.
    • Time’s a wasting.
    • It’s going to be hard, to keep from reverting to old patterns and habits.
    • However, like Agent Smith, I must get out of this place.
    • Why do we do this?
    • Why do we agree to it?
    • I know my why.
    • Do you know yours?
    • Financial insecurity based on how I grew up.
    • Too long has it dominated my decision matrix.
    • No more.
    • Won’t be easy, but you know what else I’ve learned through all this?
    • Hard ain’t no thing.
    • I beat shit I shouldn’t all the time.
    • I’m betting you do, too.
    • And honestly, I’m too smart and too good for what I’ve settled.
    • I know how arrogant that sounded.
    • I dgaf anymore.
    • And I’m bringing anyone with me who wants to come.
    • I’ve shortchanged myself, and that shit is changing.
    • I can’t believe I’m typing any of this, honestly.
    • I’ve been going to work for three years with a brain tumor and winning awards.
    • The hell, man.
    • That sentence is insanity.
    • What are we capable of with no obstacles?
    • What can we do when we’re encouraged and impassioned?
    • I’m not even high right now.
    • And there’s a goddamn Taylor Swift song playing.
    • (Not all obstacles are large.)
    • Sweary.
    • Again, that’s who I really am.
    • Sorry not sorry?
    • Hey, all.
    • What’s happening?
    • What’ve you got planned this weekend?
    • I’m not throwing that out there.
    • The weekend’s wide open.
    • I have stuff to do.
    • Some of it’s even fun.
    • Plans to make.
    • People to talk to.
    • Ah.
    • That was the normal subject matter I wanted to hit.
    • That whole introvert/extrovert thing.
    • I’m a bit of both.
    • Totally introverted around people I don’t know.
    • Like working a room?
    • Forget about it.
    • I do, however, deal with my awkwardness with random conversations.
    • I’m not introverted at all around people I know.
    • Quite the opposite.
    • A good side effect of the awkward compensation activity … I do not treat people bad in public ever.
    • I’m talking cashiers, waiters, hostesses, the mail dudes, FedEx.
    • I go out of my way to be nice.
    • And it pisses me off when I see others being rude, impatient, mean, and inconsiderate to them.
    • (Idealist, remember?)
    • Like, honestly, the fuck is your problem?
    • You have no idea what they’re going through.
    • You’re not better than anyone else.
    • You have no idea how much good fortune has shaped your reality.
    • That’s also at the root of the perspective shift.
    • Be better than you yesterday.
    • Stop comparing yourself to other people to measure your progress or self-worth.
    • Empathy for yourself, empathy for others.
    • With that, you can change the world.
    • Yours and everyone else’s.
    • Happy to be here.
    • Happy you’re all here.
    • Thanks for being part of my life.
    • Make your weekend count.
    • Out.
  • Inflammatory Response

    Inflammatory Response

    • Now playing: Killswitch Engage, “Holy Diver.”
    • No, I’m not doing the music thing again today.
    • Probably.
    • Today’s going to be … pokey.
    • As in, I’m going to poke you all with sticks.
    • Some of you, anyway.
    • Let’s talk Pride month.
    • Distilled down to its most basic …
    • It’s none of your business.
    • If someone is gay, that’s none of your business.
    • They should be free to be who they are and free of any judgment from anyone else.
    • They should be free to just live.
    • It should not be an issue.
    • Not a topic of conversation.
    • Sure as hell not a topic of persecution.
    • Are they free or not?
    • Are they free to live their lives according to their pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness?
    • Because if they are not, then this American freedom is horseshit.
    • I get it.
    • Some book says something.
    • That’s another freedom.
    • Read your book.
    • Follow your religion.
    • If you’re Christian, you’re not persecuted.
    • That’s propaganda.
    • You’re the majority in this country.
    • But again, freedom, right?
    • You have the freedom to believe what you believe.
    • Extend that to others.
    • Assume people aren’t going to see things the way you do.
    • Believe the way you do.
    • Freedom is freedom, right?
    • That means freedom to not be like you.
    • To disagree.
    • What it does not mean is that you have the right to establish laws that demand everyone believe and act like you.
    • Freedom is that, or this is all a big load of crap.
    • Someone being gay or trans or bi or atheist has literally no effect on your life.
    • So shut the fuck up about it, do your own thing, and let them do theirs.
    • Because, again, it’s none of your business.
    • The golden rule is all you need.
    • Be good.
    • Be moral.
    • Do right by others and yourself.
    • Do the good thing.
    • Have empathy.
    • Work toward understanding.
    • Dammit, man, why is this hard?
    • You know what the right thing is in every situation.
    • Do that.
    • And if you don’t, maybe we need to have some empathy and morality training.
    • Some logic classes (I took those in college).
    • I hope this comes off as shaming.
    • Because partly it is.
    • Believe what you want, but you do not get to force it upon other people.
    • College classes aren’t “woke,” btw.
    • Professors aren’t up there preaching, doing lessons on DEI.
    • Those of you who went, you remember a single class like that?
    • Classes were on subject all the time.
    • Again, enough with the goddamn propaganda.
    • ENOUGH.
    • Freedom means free, or it’s a fucking lie.
    • What’s it going to be?
    • Pride month exists because they are persecuted in modern society.
    • They’re fighting for normalcy and acceptance.
    • They should not have to.
    • Pretty simple.
    • And don’t get me started about the economic realities of life in modern America.
    • We buy into so much bullshit.
    • Okay.
    • Done.
    • I didn’t wake up cranky, mind you.
    • This is exasperation.
    • For fuck’s sake, people.
    • I only get to write this because I’m a middle-class white guy.
    • Privilege.
    • Mansplaining.
    • This isn’t even mine to defend.
    • If you make the argument that “they need to quit pushing it in my face,” you maybe need to consider it from the other side, the one that reflects you and not them, and that’s pushed in their faces every day, telling them they are not normal or wrong or whatever.
    • Imagine that’s your day-to-day reality.
    • Shit is not fair or equal, and it’s going to take work to make it so.
    • That is sure as hell not happening currently.
    • Anything I write from here to the end no one’s going to remember.
    • I re-subbed to Wired.
    • Back when that mag launched in the ‘90s, it was the journalistic bastion of tech and cyberpunk.
    • It was Rolling Stone for nerds.
    • I loved it so much.
    • Fantastic writing, great stories, beautiful design.
    • The Letter from the Editor in the most recent issue, “Rogue Nation,” is fantastic.
    • I kinda geeked out reading it.
    • Like, “YES!”
    • “So be the rogue you want to see in the world, and know that WIRED, with every ounce of rebel spirit in our DNA, will be right there with you.” – Katie Drummond, Global Editorial Director
    • Honestly, reading the issue makes me want to be a journalist again.
    • I bailed on that career path as fast as I could.
    • My first two jobs were $15k/year.
    • It took forever to get out of the $40ks as it was.
    • Journalism isn’t vanishing because it’s not valuable, but because it’s not profitable.
    • …
    • F.
    • That’s another soapbox.
    • Can’t do two in one day.
    • Vollertsen called me an idealist.
    • It’s true.
    • This angry façade I carry?
    • I see so much dumb shit going on in the world.
    • It makes me insane.
    • We do every bad thing to ourselves.
    • Two dark lists in one week.
    • Then again, this isn’t work.
    • This is The Black List.
    • My anger and frustration covers the fact I’m an accepting, loving person.
    • I care about people.
    • The anger’s armor.
    • Self-defense.
    • Because I’m vulnerable.
    • Pretty much always.
    • There’s my deep admission for the day.
    • We all are on some level.
    • Or we’re all delusional.
    • Which is another form of self-defense.
    • Where’s that leave us?
    • Love your people.
    • Let others love theirs.
    • Work on getting along or leaving them alone.
    • Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self?
    • Think about it before we start arguing, k?
    • Love you all.
    • Thanks for reading.