- And I know why.
- It’s Dave’s fault.
- Because of that parking lot picture.
- And my comment.
- For the past however many weeks, because of my time traveling brain, obviously, this song keeps popping up.
- https://open.spotify.com/track/0rRboI6IRuGx56Dq3UdYY4?si=92a337de08f24151
- Earworms are a hellvua drug.
- I never listened to the whole song before … now.
- (That’s another song I can’t link at work.)
- A lot of rap, mind you.
- But not that.
- No, I don’t know why (hey, heyyyyyy).
- That’s not why we’ve gathered here today.
- We’re here to talk about Hope.
- “Do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.”
- I have an ingrained distrust of hope.
- My therapist and I could get into the why of that.
- I don’t like hoping.
- Because I hate the letdown.
- Yes, it’s irrational.
- Dumb, even.
- But, ah, there it is.
- Yesterday, I met with a geneticist at the Mayo via video.
- We talked about my prognosis.
- She feels the infectious disease crew is on the right path.
- Based on how I feel at the moment and the pathology and all the things.
- I feel hopeful for the first time in many moons.
- Trying not to.
- You see?
- Trauma messes with your brains.
- I had half a list yesterday about mental health.
- Deleted it.
- I feel like everyone should have to do mental health check-ups with professionals just like you do with your PCP.
- The stigma about getting therapy is your problem.
- Seeking help doesn’t make you weak.
- Being afraid to makes you kind of a coward, if you ask me.
- Just my opinion.
- And you know what I think about those.
- Anyway.
- Saw this article the other day about how rewatching and rereading your favorite films and books is a solid mental health coping mechanism.
- It’s good for you.
- Duh.
- Saw another article that said something about how the Metal kids from the ‘80s turned out to be well-adjusted adults.
- Debatable.
- But then, why would listening to metal lessen your chances for being well-adjusted?
- What kind of biased bullshit is that?
- OMG METAL ROTS YOUR BRAINS!
- (Throws on Judas Priest’s “Breakin’ the Law.”)
- You know what probably rots your brains?
- All that shitty country music about trucks and dogs and broken hearts.
- You know who doesn’t have a broken heart?
- My brother Jay.
- You know why?
- Today, he gets to retire from teaching and coaching.
- Give it up for Jay’s Day of Freedom!!
- (Seriously. Clap in your head or something.)
- I should’ve saved that for the end.
- “I dunno. I’m making this up as I go.”
- I do keep finding myself wanting to rewatch during my convalescence.
- When I can get my head out of my phone’s ass, anyway.
- I’d probably rewatch Raiders every other day.
- You saw that news about Last Crusade hitting theatres again for Father’s Day, right?
- We snuck out of the last day of school in high school to go watch that.
- Core memory.
- I still have not bought my Mission: Impossible tickets yet.
- I’m not sure why.
- I’ll do that today.
- Aaaaaand now you’re watching me type my to-do list.
- Definitely not why we’re here.
- Today, I feel terrible.
- Last night’s sleep sucked, on top of or perhaps because of all the other shit.
- All I can think about is getting back in shape.
- I want to move.
- I want to run and cycle and do yoga and resistance training.
- I can’t do shit.
- Only walk.
- Which is fine, but it’s boring as hell.
- I can feel my body turning to sludge.
- I can’t abide anymore.
- I can’t sit here.
- Need the skull-fusion to accelerate.
- That goes for everything, not fitness alone.
- Passivity is some bullshit.
- There is turbulence of the soul.
- One time, my therapist told me I needed to go find a field and scream out all my frustration.
- Right now, that’d probably blow the seals on my dome.
- But soon.
- Soooooon.
- Today’s list is Facebook journaling.
- Which means I didn’t have any cultural shit to talk about.
- I could.
- There’s a bunch of shit we could get into.
- I’m trying to keep us out of politics.
- These lists really are about trying to build connection and community, after all.
- Seriously.
- This is the crap I’d be talking to you about if you were sitting on the couch in the living room with me.
- Obviously, I’d be asking questions.
- But a list of questions on the internet is data-farming, right?
- Imma steal all yo passwords.
- Random skills you want to master: Go!
- Guitar playing!
- Lock picking!
- Podcasting!
- Home repair!
- Dude, where’s my car?
- Officially into the “losing my goddamn mind” stage of recovery.
- Tired and crazy.
- Then again …
Soul Turbulence
skepticlysm 
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