- So this happened.
- Made sliders for dinner on the griddle.
- Retired to the tv room.
- We have one of those L-shaped sectionals.
- The kid occupies the corner.
- She’s the “corner troll.”
- She’s working on the plot and structure of her fan fiction novel.
- Steph took one side, feet facing the kid, and surfing whatever app she surfs when she’s on her phone.
- Some cursed Meta product probably.
- I have no idea.
- I think she was surfin’ the ‘gram.
- A snippet of “Wild Thing” blared out.
- It wasn’t Tone.
- Someone’s modern redo.
- I found the original on Spotify.
- Because sometimes, when you hear a snippet, it demands the real thing.
- Know what I mean?
- And then I played Biz’s “Just a Friend.”
- And then … well, we’ll see. It’s still happening. I’m writing it past tense, but as it is happening.
- (Narrative time travel is a common occurrence in the safe-for-work List.)
- Kaia said, “Is it almost over?”
- I gotta do Young MC next.
- And then maybe Too Short (“Life is …”
- Maybe some Kool Moe Dee (“Wild Wild West”)
- LL Cool J (“Going Back to Kali”)
- Run DMC (“It’s Tricky”)
- Sir Mix-A-Lot (“Posse on Broadway”)
- Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock!! (“It Takes Two”)
- Digital Underground (“Humpty Dance”)
- N.W.A. (“Straight Outta Compton”)
- Ict T (“Colors”)
- Public Enemy! (“Fight the Power”)
- I put in my earbuds after Biz.
- I mean, damn, “Humpty Dance” still slays.
- That bassline. So good.
- Even on the ear pods.
- I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice.
- Heh.
- Man, rappers were not shy about rapping about sex, were they?
- I thought my childhood was a bastion of prudish censorship.
- PMRC, right?
- We Did have Two Live Crew, though, and my memory is for shit.
- DEAR LORT, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
- The right earbud just stopped playing sound.
- (Insert Darth Vader’s “Noooooooo” soundbite here.)
- I have troubleshot it for 30 minutes.
- No dice.
- Fuck.
- I can’t wear the Heavys because they’ll crush my not-healed skull!
- I could go get the bone conductors, I suppose.
- But people can hear that, and the sound is garbage compared to the Pixel buds.
- I may be desperate.
- Okay, I am.
- I am desperate.
- Nooooooooo.
- I donned the Shokz.
- And now “Jam on It” is playing.
- Francis and I played the hell out of this song.
- It’s what was available.
- We also listened to Kraftwerk.
- A lot.
- But lots of early rap.
- Hell, we played “Funky Cold Medina” in James’s LeMans just to hear the bass.
- (Because he had a subwoofer in a box that took up half the back seat, obviously.)
- (That song … is about dosing girls’ drinks? The hell, man.)
- (These damn headphones have no bass.)
- (What is the point of that?)
- (I gotta go try the Pixel buds again … maybe they’ve had a change of status, decided to suck less.)
- I’m screwed in the zombie apocalypse is what I’m saying.
- You, me, and the Starbucks girl have already discussed that.
- You couldn’t even wrap yourself in solar chargers because none of the music services would be functioning.
- All you’d have are the songs you’ve downloaded to your device.
- And even then, those scurvy shyster bastards probably have code that won’t let you play the music if you don’t tag into the server on occasion.
- I do not own a discman anymore.
- See?
- This is what happens when you have my brain, and it did this before the tumor.
- Why am I not playing the music through the laptop speakers?
- Well, the sound is okay, but not great.
- It would annoy the kid.
- Maybe Steph, too.
- Trying to be considerate.
- But goddammit, I need my music.
- Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music …
- This is how I lose it.
- …
- See?
- Not metal all the time.
- Most the time.
- But not all the time.
- That Rihanna song is on a playlist.
- Heard it today.
- Well, yesterday.
- It’s only today for me.
- It’ll be yesterday for you.
- Tomorrow, currently.
- Yes, I hunted down an ‘80s hip-hop playlist.
- I can’t remember all of these, but I know ‘em when I hear ‘em.
- I know all the words to so many of these songs.
- By heart.
- I’m on a mission, you better just listen …
- What the hell have I done.
- Maybe this will be the theme of the week.
- I’m going to bring up all the earworms from our GenX youth.
- Maybe tomorrow tomorrow, we’ll get neck-deep in hair metal.
- You’re safe in some regards.
- You know I’m not wading into that pop music bullshit.
- I only post things on Facebook to people on my Friends list.
- I do not share with the world in that place.
- I do on the blog, but its viewing potential is smaller.
- Why?
- Because I generally don’t want to deal with the bots, trolls, and assholes of the world.
- I gotta get over that.
- You don’t build an audience by catering to the one you already have.
- I need to build a larger audience to enact pieces of The Plan.
- Mostly targeted at GenXers and early Millennials, obviously.
- Taking advantage of those shared life experiences and nostalgia.
- Like, no one who wears a fucking flat-billed ballcap is going to buy into my bullshit, you know?
- We debated with a couple about that at a pizza place once.
- Were there for someone’s birthday.
- Bro had one of those on.
- Him in his flat-bill, me in my “dad cap.”
- I thought he looked stupid.
- That’s me being judgmental, which we talked about last week.
- My opinion’s irrelephant.
- You do you.
- Have a Monday.
“… In a Burger King Bathroom …”
skepticlysm 
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